GOP Poll Numbers: How Low Can You Go?

For a party with no vision, no ideas (other than getting rid of that n'er do well NObama), and no real leadership to speak of, the Republican Party has seen brighter days. Oh Ronnie Reagan, why did you have to leave us?

So it comes as no real shock that the proud party of slave-owners, birthers, and teabaggers would have its lowest approval ratings in over a decade.

According to a new CNN poll, only 36 percent of people have a favorable view of the GOP, with a 54% majority thinking they are a bunch of demented Fox News-obsessed neanderthals who'd follow Glenn Beck off a cliff if he cried hard enough.

In fact, the last time the GOP was this bad in CNN's polling was way back in December 1998 when the Republican morality patrol in Congress were all hot and bothered by a certain Democratic "nasty, bad, naughty boy" catching bjs in the Oval Office when he should be soliciting sex in a Minnesota airport mensroom like a normal, decent Republican senator from Idaho named Larry Craig.

According to CNN Polling Director Keating Holland, "The Republican party may still be battling the legacy left to them by George W. Bush. They have also spent a lot of time in 2009 working against Democratic proposals. That hasn't left them a lot of time so far this year to present a positive, post-Bush message. Of course, there is still plenty of time for them to do so before the 2010 midterms."

What in sweet suffering Jesus do you mean?? They are positively sure that racism, war-mongering, and an inherent aversion to change or progress of any kind is the sure-fire way to secure a spectacular Republican comeback in 2010, the likes of which we've never seen!

If not, there's always secession.

The GOP's Got Talent!

Back To The Future: Romney, Pawlenty, Huckabee, Palin

With only one thousand-ish days before the 2012 presidential elections, the Republican field is brimming with talented potential candidates who can't wait to lose another election for the Grand Old Party.

No, no you're not having a Bill Murray Groundhog Day moment. This fresh-faced crop of Republican hopefuls features the same vibrant bunch of political superstars we saw in 2008, before that secret Muslim terrorist Barack Hussein Obama rode in on his high-horse of hope to steal the elections and ruin America.

Problem is Republican voters just can't decide which of these 2008 delights they like best: Sexy Alaskan princess Sarah Palin, Arkansas' adorable anti-fat crusader Mike Huckabee, or dreamy Mormon Ken doll Mittens "Mitt" Romney. As if that weren't hard enough, toss in Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty's hat into the ring and you my friend have yourself a royal Republican rumble not seen since '08!

"Republicans typically nominate someone familiar who's run for president before, such as Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bob Dole, and John McCain. But since the party appears to be in trouble right now, Republicans might want to do what Democrats typically do, and look for a fresh face," CNN Political Analyst Bill Schneider explained.

Eh, they'd much rather imitate the Democrats in that other time-honored tradition: Losing.