Mitt Romney Is "Not Concerned About The Very Poor," Nor Apparently Winning Anything But The Hatred Of 99% Of America

Ah Mittens. Fresh off a most undeserved and uninspired victory over a gelatinous blob of ethical lapses and abandoned wives in the Florida Republican primary, Willard "Mitt" Romney proceeded to promptly squander all momentum and break the Golden Rule of presidential politics: pretend not to be the cold, heartless, asshole you really are.

Whoopsies!

You see, to billionaire everyman Mitt Romney, poor people are like unicorns. He's heard of them, but never actually seen one. (Or at least not in the wilds of Massachusetts' gated communities).

Which is probably why Mittens continued the ill-advised practice of opening up his awful rich person's mouth and letting words flow forth like sister-wives to the altar, terrifying Soledad O'Brien and the half-dozen or so other people actually watching CNN.

"I'm in this race because I care about Americans," Mitt said. "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair I'll fix it."

And if the handyman he held his nose while hiring can't get the job done (ugh, dumb poors!), he'll move on to his next favorite activity: firing people.

But since Mitt is clearly not concerned about the gross poors (the free market will take care of them), what exactly is he concerned about? (Just kidding! We know he really doesn't care about anybody).

"I'm not concerned about the very rich; they're doing just fine." (Just fine, indeed, wink wink!). "I'm concerned about the very heart of America, the 90-95 percent of Americans who right now are struggling...We will hear from the Democrat party on the plight of the poor and there's no question, it's not good being poor (he's never really thought about it, but he'll take their word for it!), and we have a safety net to help those that are very poor."

And what a fine safety net it is! Manufactured in China by NetCo, LLC, a subsidiary of Bain Capital, and strong enough to catch a full-grown man plunging to the bottom in a dizzying self-induced freefall from the high horse he's permanently perched upon.

So that's what they mean about wealth trickling down!

[image via AP]

It's Halloween In (Corporate) America! Do You Have Your Homeless Person Costume Yet?

When you think of the perfect Halloween costume, usually the first thing that comes to mind is something that really captures the terrifying reality and unimaginable desperation of homeless people, with no food to eat, clothes to wear, or even a roof over their heads. Because, seriously, what makes you want to dive into a king size Snickers and satisfy that hunger more than the hilarious suffering of the most downtrodden and desperate among us?

Well, to the employees at the foreclosure mill law offices of Steven J. Baum, the answer is absolutely nothing, because people too pathetically poor and down on their luck to keep their homes are worthless, gross "others" who deserve nothing but scorn, mockery, and our deepest contempt.

Nevermind that these same employees, or at least the ones pictured above, look like your average legal assistants, secretaries, paralegals, administrative assistants, receptionists, file clerks and low-level litigators, and are all probably behind on their own mortgages and much closer to financial catastrophe than they'd care to admit (the firm is in freakin' Buffalo, after all). The point is that in order to keep these workers content to keep toiling away as wage slaves to this utterly evil law firm, and work tirelessly against the interests of the rest of the nation’s wage slaves, they must dehumanize their neighbors and fellow citizens fighting foreclosure as sub-human specimens unworthy of even the slightest tinge of mercy or compassion.

Which reminds me of another group of willing executioners innocent li'l lemmings who didn't mean to exterminate six million Jews as if they were the bubonic plague or anything, but were simply following orders!

From The New York Times:

On Friday, the law firm of Steven J. Baum threw a Halloween party. The party is the firm’s big annual bash. Employees wear Halloween costumes to the office, where they party until around noon, and then return to work, still in costume. I can’t tell you how people dressed for this year’s party, but I can tell you about last year’s.

That’s because a former employee of Steven J. Baum recently sent me snapshots of last year’s party. In an e-mail, she said that she wanted me to see them because they showed an appalling lack of compassion toward the homeowners — invariably poor and down on their luck — that the Baum firm had brought foreclosure proceedings against.

When we spoke later, she added that the snapshots are an accurate representation of the firm’s mind-set. “There is this really cavalier attitude,” she said. “It doesn’t matter that people are going to lose their homes.” Nor does the firm try to help people get mortgage modifications; the pressure, always, is to foreclose. I told her I wanted to post the photos on The Times’s Web site so that readers could see them. She agreed, but asked to remain anonymous because she said she fears retaliation.

Let me describe a few of the photos. In one, two Baum employees are dressed like homeless people. One is holding a bottle of liquor. The other has a sign around her neck that reads: “3rd party squatter. I lost my home and I was never served.” My source said that “I was never served” is meant to mock “the typical excuse” of the homeowner trying to evade a foreclosure proceeding.

A second picture shows a coffin with a picture of a woman whose eyes have been cut out. A sign on the coffin reads: “Rest in Peace. Crazy Susie.” The reference is to Susan Chana Lask, a lawyer who had filed a class-action suit against Steven J. Baum — and had posted a YouTube video denouncing the firm’s foreclosure practices. “She was a thorn in their side,” said my source.

Apparently, so is the New York Attorney General, who has already forced the criminal organization law firm to pay $2 million in fines to avoid further prosecution over its illegal (not to mention immoral) foreclosure practices. But much like any successful Mafioso, the low-level staffers who make the whole operation tick are taught to see their victims as worthless nobodies, feel nothing for those who suffer, and occasionally parade around as caricatures of the victims of their own unchecked greed.

This isn't a trick or treat, just American "corporate culture" in all its frightfully ghoulish transparency.

But it's not class warfare. Not at all. It's classy warfare. Sorry you poor pathetic schlubs don't understand the difference.

Now, if you don't mind, please lay your wretched, broken body down on the ground so I can walk across this puddle without ruining my new Jimmy Choos.  They cost me an arm and leg. And I don't mean that figuratively.

After all, the path to hell isn't paved with good intentions, it's paved with the sorrow, anguish, and liquor soaked foreclosure notices of the law firm of Steven J. Baum.

Mwahahaha!

[images via New York Times]

Mitt Romney Knows Corporations Are People Too, Which Is Why He Is Officially Registered As A Limited Liability Person

In these trying economic times when money is scarce, jobs even scarcer, and rational behavior crushed and ground into deliciously nutty human tea bags, where o where will we find a presidential candidate fearless enough to stand up for the rights of the biggest victims of all, the poor, sad, helpless, mega-corporations?

Look no further than everyone's favorite Mormon gaffe machine and master of the flip-flop (not the things gross poor people wear on their feet), Willard Mittens Romney, my friend! Finally, someone with the common sense and moral courage to stand up and proudly declare once and for all, "Corporations are people, my friend."

Well, this didn't go over so well with the rest of the 99 percent of the population not sitting on billions of dollars made by squeezing out productivity gains from the handful of workers they haven't already laid off to maximize profits for small groups of shareholders, like Mittens 'n Co.

Apparently, many of the human "people" in attendance at the Iowa State Fair don't much appreciate being lectured about America's need to "reform" Medicare and Social Security, while simultaneously showering mega-rich corporations with tax breaks, precious gems, poor people's tears, and assorted other goodies.

ROMNEY: We have to make sure that the promises we make - and Social Security, Medicaid, and Medicare - are promises we can keep. And there are various ways of doing that. One is, we could raise taxes on people.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Corporations!
ROMNEY: Corporations are people, my friend. We can raise taxes on -
AUDIENCE MEMBER: No, they're not!
ROMNEY: Of course they are. Everything corporations earn also goes to people.
AUDIENCE: [LAUGHTER]
ROMNEY: Where do you think it goes?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: It goes into their pockets!
ROMNEY: Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets! Human beings, my friend. So number one, you can raise taxes. That's not the approach that I would take.

Of course that's not the approach Mittens would take. Heavens forbid! After all, corporations are "people," thanks to several decades of terrible court decisions granting them the same legal protections as dumb carbon-based, oxygen-breathing, tax-paying, real people, while at the same time freeing them from such nagging human restraints as "having a conscience."

All Mittens is trying to do is innocently remind everyone about their common humanity with corporations, who are exactly like them, right down to their shiny steel facade, cold, empty interior, and endless supply of cold hard cash, thanks to the big bad gubmint's refund-for-rich people programs.

Maybe the next time you people come across a giant skyscraper or sprawling corporate complex, you should try shaking its hand and asking how its day was like a normal person, instead of staring at its exposed bricks and beams like some sort of impolite, capitalist-hating maniac.

Why is it always up to Mittens to shout down the masses with free business lessons in capitalism run amok, like all the billion$ of reasons why corporations are people, but poors are not. 

Guess that's what great leaders are for. That, and standing up for the big guy because here in Romney's America, the government of the corporation, by the corporation, for the corporation, shall not perish from the Earth.

That, my friend, is what poor people are for.

The War Of Art: Wisconsin Hell Governor Scott Walker Removes Wall Mural Because Underprivileged Children Happily Blowing Bubbles Makes Him Feel All Gross & Poor Inside

"Wishes In The Wind"

While the rest of the nation is abuzz over important things like mysterious underwear-covered crotch shots of a public official with the dual misfortune of having a last name synonymous with a penis, and an unhealthy obsession with his own penis, America's lovely crop of new Republican governors have settled in nicely, mostly managing to keep their Weiners and Willies in their pants as they wage war on both poor people in the streets and poor people hanging on their office and/or mansion walls.

Much like his ol' buddy in Maine Gov. Paul LePage, who simply could not stand the sight of some Socialist beggar mural of working class minorities sullying his Labor Department and ordered its prompt removal (soon to be followed by the forced removal of all poor minorities, God-willing!), squinty-eyed, Kochsucking Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker has also removed a specially commissioned painting of three disadvantaged Wisconsin kids from the mantlepiece of the governor’s mansion because the smiling faces of poor children skipping down a snowy street makes him understandably uncomfortable.

Instead, "Wishes in the Wind," which was part of a series of paintings with “subjects intended to remind state leaders of the people they represent," has been replaced by "a century-old painting of Old Abe, a Civil War-era bald eagle from Wisconsin" to honor the 150th anniversary of the Civil War.

Apparently, Scott Walker likes to be reminded of eagles, the voters who elected him. YAY! FREEDOM WINS!

From the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:

In an interview, artist David Lenz said he carefully selected the three children portrayed in “Wishes in the Wind.” The African-American girl, featured in a Journal Sentinel column on homelessness, spent three months at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission with her mother. The Hispanic girl is a member of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Greater Milwaukee. And the boy’s father and brother were killed by a drunken driver in 2009.
“The homeless, central city children and victims of drunk drivers normally do not have a voice in politics,” Lenz explained in an email. “This painting was an opportunity for future governors to look these three children in the eye, and I hope, contemplate how their public policies might affect them and other children like them.”
He added: “I guess that was a conversation Governor Walker did not want to have.”

That's because, unlike bald eagles from the 19th century, poor, suffering children do not really exist in modern-day Wisconsin.

Ooops, looks like another Dick's been exposed. Except unlike a certain fuzzy Wiener Twitter pic, this cock shot's crystal clear!

Yay! Michigan Republicans Bravely Solve Budget Deficit By Forcing Foster Kids To Wear Thrift Store Clothes Like The Poor, Parentless Schlubs They Are

Much like fellow brokeass Midwestern hell-state being destroyed by a psycho Republican governor with a deep-seated hatred of poor people, Wisconsin, Michigan too is facing a serious budget crisis with a deficit of $1.4 billion, largely thanks to those greedy, money-grubbing teachers and plumbers unions always demandin' fair wages and basic health coverage.

And much like you would expect from a newly elected CEO-turned-Grand-Old-Protector of rich, white people, Michigan head honcho Slick Rick Snyder naturally decided to fix this fiscal problem by giving businesses and mega corporations $1.8 billion in tax cuts, because in Republican fantasy land, the best way to get rid of ballooning, out-of-control deficits is to promptly double it.

But how on God's no-longer green Earth can adding to the already monstrous deficit actually end up reducing it, you ask? Hello?? Ever hear of a little contingency plan, a secret ace-up-your-sleeve called "foster kids?" You know those raggedy, starving, orphan fat cats who get their kicks seeking shelter under the abandoned bridge downtown and hoping that maybe someday somebody will love them.

Ha, well somebody better tell li'l orphan Annie the free ride is over because Daddy Warbucks' bank account has just dried up! No more will the state of Michigan be forking over some measly stipend so these spoiled parentless children have actual clothes, not rags, to wear to school!

Instead, Republican lawmakers have come up with a brilliant plan to fix the new business tax cuts cost on the (bruised, broken, no longer clothed) backs of foster kids who will now be forced to buy their school year duds at thrift stores, not fancy shmancy elitist stores like Walmart.

Who cares if the Republican's plan doesn't save the economically-strapped Michigan a single dime? Serves those pesky orphans right always expecting Uncle Sam to step up and save them from dying in gutters all because they chose to not have parents, like normal, house-dwelling peers.

A small part of the DHS savings, about $200,000, would come from adjustments to the clothing allowance for foster children, or children of the working poor, of $79 for school clothes. Michigan state Sen. Bruce Caswell said children will still get close to that $79, but would be issued gift cards that can only be used at the Salvation Army, Goodwill or other thrift stores.

"Close to," meaning "less" presumably because seriously, how much pampering does one pitiful, poor little orphan child need? For all we know, these pint-sized freeloaders crawled onto a random doorstep as babies, or tricked their parents into dying in tragic house fires or 15-car pile-ups, specifically so they could get on the government dole.

Besides, as state Sen. Caswell told reporters, there's nothing wrong with wearing old clothes.

"I never had anything new," he said. "I got all the hand-me-downs. And my dad, he did a lot of shopping at the Salvation Army, and his comment was -- and quite frankly it's true -- once you're out of the store and you walk down the street, nobody knows where you bought your clothes."

Or if they were even bought at all, instead of swiped on some pre-paid government-subsidized card for wretched welfare children relying on public assistance to meet their basic needs.

But on the bright side, if people did know where their clothes were brought, it would probably further humiliate foster children, which would maybe lead to more of these riff-raffs finally offing themselves, which at the very least, would save the state even more nickels and dimes.

And since foster kids can’t vote, at least while their all gross and kid like, and nobody really cares about them that much (once they're out of the womb, that is), they have absolutely no political power anyway.

The real question then becomes why the hell weren't Republicans making cuts to foster kids before? Think about it, people!

Not only would America be free of these parasite orphans, who next to teachers and firemen, are clearly societies biggest money-sucking leeches, but it is also the single best way ever to hand Big Business money, instead of wasting precious resources giving hand outs to starving street children, otherwise known as Big Orphan, Inc.

Although, by forcing a 6-year-old stray boy to wear a hot pink "world's best grandma" t-shirt, how will the GOP be able to distinguish the disgusting poor from an equally repulsive, unwanted, brown-skinned Mexican border jumper? Or even scarier, an out-n-proud student body president at the University of Michigan??

Between Barack And A Hard Place

Well well what do you know? While President Obama was busy destroying America's robust economy with his socialist policies and spendulus bills, there was one force brave enough to stand up against this liberal assault on freedom.

And we don't mean by throwing some ridiculous Rick Santelli tea party with the rest of your Fox News loving friends.

We mean by taking decisive action. Like the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunging 25% in the two months since inauguration to protest Comrade Barry's all-out assualt on Wall Street.

Included in his guerrilla war on investors, bankers and other persecuted members of the business elite is billions and billions of government bailout dollars to rescue these innocent victims from the seductive but toxic cocktail of unchecked power and unbridled greed.

As if that weren't punishment enough, Barack Obama wants higher taxes for the wealthy, pay caps for bankrupt millionaire execs using taxpayer bailout funds, and increased oversight of banks, investment firms and all other Madoffy sounding institutions with the words hedge, equity, mortgage or fund in their name.

But perhaps most threatening is Mr. common man Obama's new mortgage plan to help not just the poor, suffering lenders but the millions of struggling homeowners in danger of losing their homes.

Ugh those losers?!?

What happened to the good old days when you're only rewarded for risky, irresponsible behavior if you make over $250,000 a year, and/or have presided over the complete collapse of at least one major U.S. corporation?