Friendly Georgia Town Hall Crowd Wants To Know When Someone Is Gonna Shoot President Obama, Already?

Notorious Republican nutjob Rep. Paul Broun of Georgia is known for saying and doing the most batshit crazy things that make even the most deranged, unhinged, recently escaped mental patients seem downright cool, calm, collected, and fit-as-a-fiddle in comparison.

So it should come as no surprise that the same Georgia Peach who refused to attend the President's State of the Union address and instead sit in his office and Tweet about how NObama doesn't believe in the Constitution because of Socialism or whatever, would later host a KKK rally Town Hall meeting where constituents ask not about the economy, jobs, budget, or even the obvious, which Muslim country America should bomb next, but rather, which brave American patriot of tea and freedom is going to finally rid the nation of that no-good secret Muslim Kenyan Terrorist President Obama?

Normally when an esteemed member of Congress meets with his or her constituents, he or she is shot in the head by some lunatic with a grudge and a semi automatic Glock 19mm in their back pocket, but because President Obama gave a speech making America civil and nice again, and this being Georgia not Arizona, no one actually did anything. They just joked around and fantasized about it, like normal, decent people who want to kill terrible, scary, chocolate-skinned presidents.

According to eyewitness Patsy Harris, a Morgan County Democrat who was sitting in the second row, congressman Paul Broun asked audience members who had driven the farthest to be there and let the winner ask the first question.

His exact words were “Who’s going to shoot Obama?” There was a lot of laughter, and a guy behind me said “We all want to.” There was more laughter. I was furiously writing notes and didn't look up to see Broun’s reaction, but it was not until the laughter died down that Broun then said, “Next question.” That elicited more laughter.

Oh, hahahahahahahaha! Murdering the president! OMG, now that is funny! Betcha ol' Paul thinks so too! So funny, in fact, that he totally forgot to condemn the question (because like who doesn't think about assassinating world leaders, right?) but simply agreed that people hate the president. Especially ones who can't even spell preznent!

The thing is, I know there’s a lot of frustration with this president. We’re going to have an election next year. Hopefully, we’ll elect somebody that’s going to be a conservative, limited-government president that will take a smaller, who will sign a bill to repeal and replace Obamacare.

Ugh, we have to wait all the way until elections?? No fair! Okay, okay, fine, if we can't use our God-granted 2nd Amendment remedies, I suppose we'll just have to resort to pulling the trigger on the voting lever instead.

Then, God-willing, we’ll elect somebody who is white and hates equality almost as much as health care for poors.

Somebody like Paul Broun, even. Then there won't be any need to shoot anyone point blank in the head!

Unless the damn Yanks start aggressing again. Then, he'll see if he can maybe get someone to shoot the president, okay?

Until then, the rest of us would be wise to heed a certain desperate, Alzheimer's-ravaged maverick John McCain's hysterical warnings to "complete the danged fence!"...at the Mason-Dixon line.

Blowin' Hot Air: Georgia Rep. Paul Broun Warns Of Scary Energy Bill Killing Overheated, Old Southerners

Esteemed congressman and beloved right wing caricature of an actual thinking human being, Georgia Peach, Rep. Paul Broun is no stranger to making mindblowingly dumb, racist comments whenever he gets the chance to spout his big fat trap on some subject he knows nothing about (all?).

When opportunity knocks, you better answer it people!

For good ol' Paul, this latest "opportunity" to act like a deranged moron occurred on the congressional floor (where else?) while discussing important legislation that America desperately needs, but only he understands will lead to the death of millions of innocent old white people, namely in those parts of the country where they don't take very kindly to big, bad (black) governments tellin' whitey what to do.

Waves of death!

So say "bye bye" to Granny and Gramps, because whoever NObama's death panels missed will not escape the constant carnage filling the streets with elderly blood if the Democrats' terrible energy bill to reduce our dependence on foreign oil passes.

We're talkin' senior citizens croakin' left and right, fillin' the streets of Atlanta and Tallahassee with their ol' bones, if the Democrats' get their way and pass some energy bill forcing wrinkled retirees across the South to spontaneously combust or pay a few extra dollars to turn up their thermostat.

Being a doctor and all, Rep. Paul Broun knows a few things the average Joe or Jane simply cannot: like how health care reform will murder Bubbies and Zadies, and lead to roving gangs of DEMONcratic death panels scouring the countryside for shovel-ready old people to bury six feet under, and be done with the liver-spotted nuisances once and for all. Welcome to the new war of Yankee Aggression, mah friends!

BROUN: A lot of old people in Georgia and Florida and all out throughout the southeast and the southwest are dependent on air conditioning just to live.  And if their electricity bills go sky high, as the energy tax is gonna make it happen, if that ever passes there are a lot of people that can't afford to run their air conditioning any more and a lot of people are gonna have a hard time with hyperthermia is what I call it — what we call it in medicine as a medical doctor — which means that their body temperature's gonna go up, they're gonna have dehydration, and people are gonna have a lot of problems.  And it's gonna have a greater impact on our health care system and people are gonna die because of that.  But it's gonna kill jobs too.  

Ya, hear that, America?? Jobs murdered, grandparents murdered, basically constant death everywhere once the evil "clean energy" bill goes through congress, and Paul Broun's doomsday vision of Dem-crafted legislation killing old people in hot states comes to fruition. Like a sweet Georgia peach?

Take it from Dr. Broun—too proud to spell Brown the "normal" way, but ain't too proud to spout rambling, incoherent nonsense, the particulars of which involve sweet, wrinkled centenarians (think millions of McCains) croaking en masse across the American South because they might, just might have to turn up their thermostats a few degrees in the summer, to save some money, assuming they choose not to stop buying wool socks, cataract sunglasses, and bottles of delicious prune juice in order to, eh, I don't know, maybe save their lives?

Because, unlike those hoity-toity Democrats, Broun doesn't believe in the elitist hoax known as climate change, and as such, is the ideal candidate to give advice on urgent environment legislation to save Mother Earth from nosy, overbearing Democrats who refuse to replace her vast seas of oceanic life with vast seas of greasy death.

The lamebrains! Why do they hate America so much? Or better yet, why do they hate beautiful capitalism so much?

Good thing there's a Republican hero like Paul Broun to prevent all this Democratic death by legislation, what with the coming apocalypse where Southern geezers are killed from keeping their air conditioning at a balmy 72.

Wonder how the Northern Aggressors defeated the noble Confederacy back in 1865 before they had access to the mass (elderly) murderer known as air conditioning?

Perhaps they just suffocated them with cotton, provided (free of charge) by the nice, colored people in chains, tirelessly workin' the fields to prevent Union turncoats hellbent on manually blowing stale, non-automatic air and freedom all over the Alzheimer's-ravaged minds of slave-holding plantation owners and toothless Southern gents in Real America.

Or maybe Rep. Paul Broun and the rest of the non-brown Grand Old Party of ancient fossils and crumbling prehistoric relics should get used to the heat. After all, the last Ice Age ended 20,000 years ago.

Still no scientific explanation for Sarah Palin, though!

It Wouldn't Be A Health Care Debate Without A GOP Congressman Tossing Civil War Threats Around

Nevermind the millions of struggling Americans whose lives depend on the health care bill passing, the best part of this bill--and there are SO MANY good parts to choose from--is all the casual talk of violence and chaos that will be incited by confused, not-so-bright teabaggers all all across the mighty U.S. of A.

Surely, such wild-eyed fear and widespread panic couldn't be a result of the Republican National Committee's strategy of lies, deception, and crazed cartoons alone!

But from what shining well of wisdom could these apocalyptic visions of doom and destruction be coming from?

Usually, when looking for members of Congress who are likely to make unhinged, borderline-disturbed remarks, we tend to rely on old standbys like Reps. Steve King (R-Iowa) and Michele Bachmann to get the poor masses all fired up about whatever terrifying element is threatening their precious liberty now.

But then like a bolt of lightening in the night sky, out storms Rep. Paul Broun (he's too classy to spell Brown the normal way) to remind the good people of America, that when it comes to Conservative Crazies in Congress, those blue-eyed darlings Steve King and his lovely Queen Michelle ain't got nothin' on this deliciously deranged Georgian peach.

Well, Rep. Broun is very nervous--panicked in fact, over the dark, chocolate-colored menace threatening to wreak Socialist havoc all across hardworking WHITE America. You know of what he speaks. For it has happened before!

"The War of Yankee Aggression," or the Civil War, as its known to normal, 21st century people who don't hate black people, coming this time in the form of a health care system that actually helps people live, not insurance executives live the high life. Oh, the horror!

Thankfully, the same brilliant soothsayer who warned of the second coming of Hitler in the form of a lanky, smooth-talkin' charmer with a sweet jumpshot, is on the House floor to foretell of the hellish nightmare to be if evil health reform passes. Gasp!
"If ObamaCare passes, that free insurance card that's in people's pockets is gonna be as worthless as a Confederate dollar after the War Between The States -- the Great War of Yankee Aggression."

Which is almost as worthless as an American dollar after the War Between Good and Evil--the great War of Dick and Bush!

Ah yes, in the unstable, deluded mind of Mr. Broun, not only is the terrible North responsible for not one, but two civil wars (thanks to that notorious Northern Aggression), but everyone carries a "free insurance card," right next to their "get out of jail free" and "do not pass go" cards. Naturally.

Except for Grandma, who shovel ready or not (sorry, Michelle Bachmann), is going six-feet under, no ifs, ands, or buts about it! And same goes for that li'l Trigger fellow whose only "special need" once evil ObamaCare passes is to be tossed in a shallow grave next to Granny, as quickly, cheaply, and effortlessly as possible.

Think of it as the Republicans' election strategy: goners, either way.

Of course, it is worth noting that if by some miracle of God (or Satan), combined with a hearty dose of Democratic incompetence, the Republicans reclaim the House majority next year, Sir Paul Broun and his stunning intellectual prowess will be the Chairman of the House Science Committee's panel on investigations and oversight. Yay!!

Which means the South finally thwarts the evil Union's unwanted advances, humans evolved from Adam's rib, not disgusting apes in the Congo, the Sun once again revolves around the Earth, and America assumes its rightful place as the bestest, freest, most perfect country in the whole wide world, just like God intended.

Let freedom ring?

Southern States Love America So Much They Want To Dissolve It

North Vs. South, Redux

Red states are movin' out! America's cuckoo southern friends have finally tired of the snooty, upper crust ways of us northern heretics and have decided to press their luck alone, without us slave-hating states to keep them down.

First, it was Texas who threatened to secede from this godless Union on account of the suffocating tyranny of taxing rich people at slightly higher rates. That coupled with Barack Obama and his negro army's deviant plot to march into the Lone Star state to steal their guns and slay all the white people was enough to send the good people of Texas packing.

Much like the swine flu or gay-marriage virus, a brilliant idea like seceding from the union and starting your own crackpot Republic cannot be contained long. Which is why the proud states of Georgia, South Dakota, and Oklahoma wasted no time passing their own secession resolutions, declaring their state's sovereignty and freedom from enslavement by the Northern aggressors.

So congratulations to Georgia, Oklahoma, South Dakota, and of course, sassy ringleader Texas, for hearkening back to the glory days of the civil war by once again fighting the "conspiracy to create a single North American country" in favor of an "independent South unburdened by it's alien occupier."

I guess 143 years of captivity is long enough. And yet somehow it still doesn't get any easier!

Sen. Stevens Fall From Grace Pins Dems Hopes On Diaper Wearing Comedian Named Al

Aw, Shucks!

Alaska voters have finally given the boot to senatorial fossil Ted Stevens and instead elected the first Democrat to represent Alaska in Congress in nearly three decades.

After a grueling two-week-long process of counting nearly 90,000 absentee and early votes from across Alaska, Democratic Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich was finally able to unseat one of the giants in the U.S. Senate and claim victory by a 3,724-vote margin for basically being the only candidate who is not also a convicted felon.

Congratulations! We are so very proud.

But better yet, is that Stevens' ouster gives Democrats 58 seats in the Senate, edging them ever closer to the holy grail of 60--the number necessary for a filibuster-proof majority.

So, what fine candidates have the Democrats pinned their hopes and dreams of sweet partisan revenge after years of GOP manhandling and domination?

Georgia:
Basically, the Democrats need some blah blah white dude from Georgia named James Francis "Jim" Martin to defeat another boring southern white dude with a weird name, Republican incumbent Saxby Chambliss.

Saxby? Really? What does that even mean? I don't think that's a real word. In any case, neither are interesting enough to deserve a picture.

Minnesota:
Apparently, the unofficial motto of the state is: "Minnesota, We're Weirder Than You Think!"

Yes, the same state that gave us Jesse "The Body" Ventura for Governor now brings us another wild showdown for its senate seat.

Democrat and former SNL comedian Al Franken is creeping ever closer to unseating dirty hippie turned uptight Republican Norm Coleman whose marginal lead prompted an automatic recount to be completed by Dec. 5--if all goes well.

Normally, I wouldn't feel too comfortable resting the Democrats' hope on a man in bunny ears and diapers, but when you compare him to the rest of the colorful cast of characters in Minnesota's recent political history, I gotta say I'm feeling pretty good about the Dems chances right about now.

Former SNL Star Al Franken: The Dems Great White Hope!

Young, Freewheelin' Sen. Norm Coleman Before Seeing The GOP Light

Proud Former Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura In All His Pink Boa Glory

McCain Agrees To Help Saxby Chambliss Lose Election In Georgia

At long last, the moment you've been waiting for: John McCain is back on the campaign trail!

Sure we all watched Johnny ham it up on the Tonight Show, laughing like a little girl about how he wasted the last two years of his life, compromised his integrity, all but ruined his reputation, picked some lunatic as his running mate, and sold out to the fringe right wing of his party all to return to the same damn senate seat (and same cold wife) he had before this whole "election" thing.

Ha ha, pure comic gold, Johnny!

Yes, in his first political appearance since losing the presidency to that lanky kid, McCain works his magic for another Republican he actually can't stand, Sen. Saxby Chambliss, who failed to capture 50 percent of the vote and now faces a Dec. 2 rematch with Democrat Jim Martin.

With his trademark forced smile masking a deep, simmering hatred and all the charisma of Ben Stein, McCain urges Georgia voters to make the right choice and elect Sen. Saxby Chambliss to the Senate.

"I didn't think I'd be back on the campaign trail quite this early. But there is a lot at stake here. ... I'm asking you to go into battle one more time."

Sure, McCain and Chambliss have had some disagreements in the past.

Like when McCain spoke out against a controversial ad Chambliss used in 2002 to question the national security credentials of his then-rival Democratic Sen. Max Cleland, a triple amputee wounded in Vietnam, calling Chambliss' ad featuring Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, "worse than disgraceful, it's reprehensible."

But the past is the past. And as McCain explains, now it is time for everyone to come together in support of ole Saxby.

"We let spending get out of control and it cost us a lot of our conservative base."

Which is exactly why it is so important to elect the very candidate whose party's reckless spending got us in this terrible financial crisis in the first place.

Looks like Johnny took a page right out of his own brilliant campaign book!

Johnny And Saxby Pal Around

Surprise! Another Dingbat Politician From Georgia Says Something Stupid

That Bear Makes You Look So Brave, Congressman!

Another salt of the earth Republican from Georgia finds himself in hot water for making some outrageously racist comments about how Obama is really a Nazi who will establish an American Gestapo to impose his fascist or Marxist dictatorship.

I kid you not.

But what could comrade Barry possibly have done to get the honorable Rep. Paul Broun, who represents Georgia's illustrious 10th district, all worked up?

Apparently, in a June speech, Obama called for the building of a new civil service corps to help take take the burden off the already-stretched military. He also called for expanding the nation's foreign service and doubling the size of the Peace Corps "to renew our diplomacy."

Well, Mr. Obama, Rep. Paul Broun knows radical socialism when he hears it. And he is not about to let that kind of Anti-American behavior go on in his backyard.

"That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did...We can't be lulled into complacency. You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential."

That's true Paul. There is always potential. Like the potential that the collective IQ of this country drops precipitously every time some moron, who can't even spell the word Brown (Broun?) correctly, opens his dumb trap.