Barack Obama Confuses America With Clear Answers And Thoughtful Responses

Well, well if it isn't Mr. Money Bags Barack Obama acting all presidential with his $838 billion stimulus bill to save America. You know the one that's gonna create or save 4 million jobs and help reverse the damage done by letting a bunch of morons who cry pork or earmark every time money is spent on something other than bombs and guns run things for eight years.

Which reminds me how much I'm gonna miss old George W. At least he made things fun. Like when he'd act all goofy during press conferences, trying to open locked doors, making funny faces, showing his newest dance moves, and of course pronouncing words in hilarious new ways just to make America feel good, if only for a few moments. That's just the kind of guy he was.

But now we're stuck with some elitist Rhodes Scholar president who not only calls on reporters using their actual names, but actually answers the questions asked. In full detail. With a clear grasp of the subject being discussed.

Which is weird, because I always thought press conferences were so the president could awkwardly avoid having to explain anything and instead showcase the hilarious new reporter nicknames he came up with while playing Tiddlywinks with Laura in the Oval Office.

In Obama We Trust

Barack Obama: "A Mutt Like Me"

What Furry Friend Will The Obama's Choose?

Two wars, an economic crisis, rising unemployment, terrorism, the list of problems facing America goes on and on.

Even though Barack Obama is not officially sworn in as President until January 20, he decided to go ahead and start acting presidential a little earlier, piecing together his cabinet and assembling the best minds to tackle the pressing economic crisis.

Bush, who in case you forgot, is still in charge, said he was "cool with Obama helpin' and all" and didn't feel like he was being "one-upped by the lanky black dude."

Besides, Bush, added, "I'm glad someone wants to deal with this s**t, cause I sure as hell don't wanna do it...Now where the devil did I put my fishing rod?"

But even with the weight of the world on his shoulders, the ever-cool Obama did have time for some lighter moments during his press conference on Friday, the first since his historic win on Tuesday night.

And as for the big question on everyone's lips: What kind of puppy will the Obama's take to the White House?

"We have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One is that Malia is allergic, so it has to be hypoallergenic...On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog, but, obviously, a lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me. So, whether we're going to be able to balance those two things I think is a pressing issue on the Obama household."

A presidential mutt, eh? Well, it's worth a try, I guess. After all, our last president was a pure bred and I don't think I need to remind you how well that worked out for us.