Notorious Windy City gangster Rahm "9 fingers" Emanuel easily cruised his way to winning the most freakin' corrupt job in American politics, as the newest, latest, greatest Mayor-For-Life-Not-Named-Daley of the great city of Chicago.
Awww, hells yeah!
After a grueling race, which saw Rahm temporarily booted off the ballot before threatening to put his boot down the appellate court's throat lest they wise the f up and return his name to its proper place atop the ballot, Obama's former White House chief of staff poking buck naked, rogue Democratic congressmen with his stump finger in the shower took home more than 50 percent of the vote, enough to avoid a runoff and claim his rightful spot as the new (sausage?) King of Chicago.
Haha, suck it Chico! How do you like dem apples?? Just kidding, they don't eat apples in Chicago, unless they're drenched in caramel and rolled in nuts, first. Duh!
If you have a giant fucking pile of money and a bunch of dumb fucks running against you, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.Wed Feb 23 02:14:45 via webRahm Emanuel
MayorEmanuel
Except if you're a Cubs fan, sucker!
But seriously, Rahm couldn't of said it better if he was Dr. King himself!
Finally the Second City's dream of an adorable, new, 9½ fingered, foulmouthed overlord to permanently call our own has come true!
Too bad the same cannot be said for winters that don't make you wanna jump off the Sears, err, Willis Tower, reasonable sales tax rates, governors who don't finish their terms in jail, and a city that actually knows how to create a budget without going dead broke.
So, ummm, congratulations, Chicago!
Just try not to make him mad. Dude's scary enough when smiling!
Salty sailor and socialist sex monster Rep. Eric Massa is finally setting the record straight (ha ha, straight) on his whole real cancer/gay cancer resignation scandal that sent shock waves across the world Page Six of the New York Post.
Turns out, New York's own Eric Massa is a totally normal, red-blooded, fiercely heterosexual American man having fun at a wedding, gettin' George W. Bush level wasted from fifteen gin & tonics and—like any straight guy would—saying he wanted to bang a male staffer, and suddenly the uptight Democrats are trying to push the guy out of the House for being all gay and weird and possibly casting the deciding vote that would kill health care reform.
Luckily, the dedicated journalists and free speech activists over at Fox News have wised up to Democratic tricks like smearing their obviously homosexual fellow DEMONcrat and health care salt-in-the-wound Eric Massa as homosexual, after saying some massively gay thing to another male, making said male most uncomfortable.
"I was with my wife. And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu," he said.
Massa said he had just gotten up to sing "Auld Lang Syne" (some weird Scottish tune) and had finished dancing with the bride and bridesmaid — in full view of cameras — when he sat back down at a table with male staff members. That’s when he made the "inappropriate" remark.
"One of them looked at me and, as they would do after, I don't know, 15 gin and tonics, and goodness only knows how many bottles of champagne, a staff member made an intonation to me that maybe I should be chasing after the bridesmaid, and his points were clear and his words were far more colorful than that.
"And I grabbed the staff member sitting next to me and said, 'Well, what I really ought to be doing is fracking you,'" he said.
"And then [I] tousled the guy’s hair and left, went to my room, because I knew the party was getting to a point where it wasn’t right for me to be there. Now was that inappropriate of me? Absolutely. Am I guilty? Yes."
OMG, can you believe these terrible Democrats and their McCarthy witch hunt? I mean what totally, 100% straight male doesn't throw back a few brewskies and immediately start grabbing the nearest hot piece of man tail available?
It is like the Dems were looking for something, anything, to get rid of the salty sailor who loves dick (not Cheney) but hates any reform that is less than a full-scale government takeover of health care.
And all it took was one "salty" drunken comment for the Democratic "forces that be" to "orchestrate a character assassination" to push dear Massa out of the House of Representatives and prevent him from shattering the hopes of affordable, quality health care for those schlubs without the luxury of having the prefixes Sen. or Rep. attached to their name.
"Mine is now the deciding vote on the health care bill and this administration and this House leadership have said, quote-unquote, they will stop at nothing to pass this health care bill, and now they've gotten rid of me and it will pass. You connect the dots," Massa said.
"The future of the Democratic Party rests on passing this health care bill. They can get anyone to say anything about me concerning anything at all and in fact they did."
It's not that hard when you're a randy former seaman with a sharp tongue and a history of wholly inappropriate conduct especially when it involves crude slangs for "doin' the nasty."
But with all this Eric Massa news, and so many claims of naked penis sightings between him, Rahm Emanuel, Glenn Beck, a male staffer at a wedding and in the Congressional Showers, it's hard to keep track of which ding-a-ling belongs to which strapping, male owner.
Luckily, there's the innocent victim himself to tell us the real truth about this democratic "witch hunt" to oust him from power.
Of course, like all problems in society, the source of this evil plot against Rep. Massa comes from notorious pitbull and hater of retarded people, White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, the most terrible, evil, n'er do well since that good-for-nothin' NObama stole the election and illegally claimed the White House.
"Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil's spawn," Massa said on his radio show. "He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive."
Oooooh, sounds sexy! Go on??
Rahm also had the nerve to visit New York's 29th back when he was head of the DCCC to "inspect" this not-at-all-gay Navy monster and tell him to ease up with the whole raging, red-faced anger ball routine, saying, "I don't want you on T.V. tonight to be angry. Just take it down a notch."
The nerve of that terrible battering Rahm, offering advice to help a fellow Democrat actually win the House seat, which he lost, in his first run. Ooops!
But that's not it! Massa also described a heated exchange he had with a naked, now-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel years later in the House gym, where the shower curtains had 'inexplicably' been removed. Hmmm, whatever you say Massa.
"I'm ... naked as a jay bird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn't going to vote for the president's budget," Massa said. "Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?"
But, also how oddly arousing...
Of course, actual sex with a naked man is a whole other animal. Likely a prize-winning stallion with a very large package ego, known to most as Rahm Emanuel. But you can just call him Rahmbo!
Jealous that the Socialist president everybody despises but secretly wants to jump into bed with, Barack Obama, spent some Quality Time alone with the terrible House Republicans during their group sex therapy rehab sessionpolicy retreat, the Democrats are now demanding Barry come to their powwow and bash them for being a bunch of pussy failures who ruin everything, too!
Of course, the historic Newseum in Washington DC isn't nearly as exciting as the Republicans' secret (sex?) bunker in Baltimore, but what do you expect from the party who thinks having an overwhelming majority means acting like a petrified minority with nary a legislative trick to stop them from being completely steamrolled by the scary Republican minority juggernaut, whom they outnumber 59-41? Yikes!
So, Barry is forced to go before his very competent and functional, brave Democratic party members to remind them yet again that George W. Bush is no longer president and, as such, they no longer have to hide quivering behind the inflatable Ronny Reagan blow-up doll Rahmbo brought in case of emergency. Like John McCain in the midst of one of his signature meltdowns (after embarrassing himself on live teevee again!) or Chuck Grassely scouring desperately for another teet to suckle (watch out, Nancy!).
Special thanks to the bravery of Barney Frank, who so generously volunteered his services to ensure all Democratic men are safe (at least for the time being) from the wide-stance ways of notorious man-tail hunter, Sen. Larry Craig.
So, everybody was all excited about President Obama's lovely pep talk with the Dems (especially Fox News), urging them that "we still have to lead" and not to give up, even after losing the filibuster-proof supermajority (they were too s-s-s-s-scared to take advantage of anyway). Hooray!
"All that's changed in the last two weeks is that our party's gone from having the largest Senate majority in a generation to the second largest Senate majority in a generation," Obama said. "And we've gotta remember that."
Then please feel free to squander it as you normally would.
But it wasn't all lectures and disappointment on Obama's end. No sir-ee! Barry even found some way to work in some praise and a few, "job well dones" or at least "job well trieds."
Like thanking the Democrats for not giving up in the face of unrelenting Republican obstructionism (and idiocy), and praising them for overcoming "enormous procedural obstacles that are unprecedented" in modern times, noting the fact that they cast more filibuster-breaking votes last year than in the entire 1950s and 1960s combined (so, at least they have more balls than the hippies?).
"That's 20 years of obstruction packed into just one...We extend a hand and all we get is a fist in return."
Time to put up your dukes, boys...and Nancy!
"I've said this before to this caucus, I want to say it again: for me it is constantly important to remind myself why I got into this in the first place.... You don't get into this for the fame, for the title. You get into it because at some point in time there was an issue that made you want to stand up and be counted, to fight for something."
Ehhh, not really. Unless changing the BCS rules counts, cause if so, then yes, hell yes!
"One of those issues being healthcare (Doh!): Well here we are, with a chance to change it.... As we think about moving forward, I hope we don't lose sight of why we're here. We've got to finish the job on health care. We've got to finish the job on financial regulatory reform. We've got to finish the job even though it's hard."
"If everyone here turned off their CNN, their Fox, turn off the TV, blogs (no!) and go out and meet real people ... they don't care quite frankly about majorities and minorities. We've got to get out of the echo chamber. That was a mistake I made last year, I didn't get out of here enough."
Hear that? Away from you freakshows and your echo chambers. Away, awaaay, awwaaaayy, awwwaaaaaayyyyy, awwwwaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy...
"What I'm not open to is a decision to stay on the sidelines and then assign blame. I have little patience for the kinds of political calculations that says the benefit of blocking everything is greater than the cost of doing nothing. That basically says if you lose, I win."
Well, Barry don't play that game, biaaatch!
But before he bid adieu, President Obama urged Democrats not to shrivel up like a wilting flower after losing their magical 60th Senate seat in January's Massachusetts special "incompetence edition" election.
"If anybody's searching for a lesson from Massachusetts, I promise you, the answer is not to do nothing."
It is to run like hell, shrieking at the top of your lungs and hoping, no, make that praying, that a certain Cosmo model from Massachusetts by the name of Scott Brown, doesn't mow you flat over in his gas-guzzling, macho pickup truck careening through New England en route to Washington, DC, where he will sit proudly atop Teddy Kennedy's ol' bones and contemplate the best way to rape ride his legacy full steam into the White House Oval Office.
Which, unlike NObama's hideous chocolate-hued mug, actually matches the lovely shape (not to mention color!) of his aesthetically beautiful, perfectly symmetrical face.
Mr. Squeaky clean Barack Obama isn't wasting any time trying to put the gleam back on the grime-filled White House floors. Apparently, eight years of dirty politics leaves quite a hard-to-scrub film.
So, on his first day as president, Obama rolled up his sleeves and announced his decision to freeze the salaries of aides making $100,000 a year, including the high-profile jobs of White House chief of staff, national security adviser and press secretary. Good luck breaking the news to Rahmbo.
Go-getter Barry also introduced new lobbying rules which he called tighter "than under any other administration in history" and issued an executive order to begin the process of closing down Guantanamo Bay so America can stop being seen as the a**hole torturers of the world.
First hundred days? Please. Barry will handle it in his first 100 hours.
Ooooh, could there be something going on between Obama's former nemesis Hillary Rodham Clinton and his newly appointed White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel?
Conventional wisdom says no, but some bored reporters are apparently saying otherwise. Slow news day or steamy secret love affair?
The buzz started when Clinton, who met with President Bush to discuss the economic stimulus package on Tuesday, agreed to hold a conference call with reporters.
Amid the usual boring questions about Joe Lieberman's future and her thoughts on being a Senator during an Obama administration, the topic turned to juicier subjects like Rahm Emanuel, who also happened to be a staffer in hubby Bill Clinton's White House.
Clinton answered the first question, "Will Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff be good for New York’s interest?" with some dull non-controversial response about how Obama understands the needs of big cities and blah blah blah.
Nothing sensational here.
So the reporter probed a little further, "Do you think that Rahm's going to be accessible to New Yorkers?"
"Rahm Emanuel?" Clinton asked with a smile in her voice. "He's going to be accessible to me."
Which could only mean one thing.
Sex kitten Hillary Rodham Clinton isn't getting her kicks from ol' hubby Bill and has instead turned to her personal "Rahmbo," sexy stud muffin Rahm Emanuel to satiate her womanly desires.
And judging from the picture, I think we have a pretty good idea why.
Rahm Emanuel
