Dirty Harry to Outraged Republicans: Go Ahead, Make My Day!

For such a frail man, Senate Majority Leader and good-natured Mormon Harry "Mason" Reid sure manages to cause quite a stir. Especially when it comes to pissing off Republicans by saying things that are actually rooted in fact and reality and not just a figment of imagination from some teabagger's twisted mind.

Instead of joining us on the right side of history, all the Republicans can come up with is this:, 'slow down, stop everything, let's start over.' If you think you've heard these same excuses before, you're right. When this country belatedly recognized the wrongs of slavery, there were those who dug in their heels and said, 'Slow down, it's too early, let's wait, things aren't bad enough.'

When women spoke up for the right to speak up, they wanted to vote, some insisted they simply, slow down, there will be a better day to do that, today isn't quite right.

When this body was on the verge of guaranteeing equal civil rights to everyone regardless of the color of their skin, some senators resorted to the same filibuster threats we hear today.

Turns out Harry is one tough li'l Mormon. Not only will he not apologize for his comments likening Republicans' attempts to kill health care reform to the same obstructive tactics used to prolong slavery and stall womens' suffrage and civil rights, he doesn't even believe the GOP is mad at all, calling the Republicans' puffy, red-faced indignation nothing more than manufactured outrage not worth a second of his time.

It is hard to believe Senate Republicans are making these charges with a straight face.

For the past eight days they've done nothing but obstruct health care on the Senate floor and throughout this year have played politics with this and virtually every other issue of importance to the American people.

Today's feigned outrage is nothing but a ploy to distract from the fact they have no plan to lower the cost of health care, stop insurance company abuses or protect Medicare.

And for those who are counting, Republicans have now held one press conference on manufactured anger and have issued one manual on how to grind the Senate to a halt but have held zero press conferences and issued zero plans on how to help Americans afford to live a healthy life.

How dare you suggest the Republicans care more about stopping NObama and the terrible Democrats in charge than providing affordable health insurance to all Americans?

Have they not proved their sincerity and dedication by calling Obama Hitler, waving Nazi signs, spreading death panel and dead grandma rumors, and circulating memos about the best way to grind the health care debate to a halt, with the extra bonus of impeding any and all progress just 'cause they like being bastards?

Of course, always dignified Republicans were naturally very upset over such meany words. From the esteemed Senate Majority Leader no less!

Sen. John Thune called the remarks "inflammatory and irresponsible," Sen. Tom Coburn was "personally offended," and Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison said there's "no place for language like that."

Has Harry no decency?

But then again I guess it's not surprising coming from the party that duped the American people into electing a secret Muslim terrorist who may or may not be a natural born citizen of this great country as President of the United States of Socialism.

RNC Committee chairman Michael Steele said the comments were "absurd and offensive" and demanded an apology.

"This is inexcusable, deeply insulting and an arrogant abuse of the Democrat party's unchecked power in Congress," Steele said in a statement. He also called for Democrats to re-evaluate Reid's "fitness to lead."

Which is always convincing coming from the pinnacle of mental clarity and stability, off-the-hook cow-on-the-tracks, Michael Steele.

Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-Ga) couldn't agree more. "They are so desperate that it is unbelievable. And for Senator Reid to go out this morning and make such an outlandish statement like he made, just is another indication of the desperation that the Democrats are showing and the pressure that they're feeling."

It sure is! If there's one thing the Republicans know for sure it is that everyone hates a party but loves a party pooper.

Or is it the other way around?

Hmmm, I guess such small details don't matter when you're totally irrelevant!

Hammer Time With Harry Reid: Public Option, Can't Touch This!

That other Mormon politician not named Mittens, frail Senate majority leader Harry Reid is getting ready to unveil his health care proposal this afternoon, despite urging from the White House and Nancy Pelosi to kindly disappear in the Nevada desert and keep his dirty paws to himself or risk getting the sh*t slapped out of him by a certain Madame Speaker.

But Harry has never been one to listen to others, especially in the form of advice from the President or dismal approval numbers in every public opinion poll, which is why he will announce plans to push ahead with a public option vote--one that includes an opt-out provision for states--since he's spent the entire weekend begging members to pretty please support his measure cause he really doesn't want to get sent back to that Nevada hell he came from, a sad, broken man.

But the White House is nervous that this wisp of a Senate leader may imperil their chances of a bipartisan health care bill by alienating some Snow(e) woman from Maine and the one Republican whose idea of health care reform isn't limited to euthanizing Obama.

"In case the White House hasn't noticed, Republicans in Congress are engaged in what amounts to a sitdown strike. They don't like anything about Obama or his policies; they have no interest in seeing him succeed," Newsweek's Howard Fineman writes. "Despite the occasional protestation to the contrary, the GOP has no intention of helping him pass any legislation. Snowe may very well end up voting for whatever she and Democrats craft, but that won't make the outcome bipartisan any more than dancing shoes made Tom DeLay Fred Astaire...Worse, the pursuit of Snowe isn't uniting Democrats; it is dividing them."

Yes, but at least the Dems have secured their own Ginger Rogers to help dance their health care reform through Congress, even if it ends up injured, limping and breathing on a respirator. Anything's better than Tom DeLay in sparkly tights and a unitard.

Fineman continues that "some form of a public option is favored not only by most Democrats in Congress but by most of the American people. If Obama and the Democrats really want such a plan, they may as well try to get tough. For inspiration, the president might consider a Longfellow poem: "'In this world, a man must either be an anvil or a hammer.'"

Otherwise, we all get screwed.

Luckily, this 70-year-old convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is just the man for the job. They don't call him Harry "Mason" Reid for nothing.

Are You There God? It's Me, Harry

Living On A Prayer

Please, please God, let this stimulus bill pass so for once I don't look even more like the impotent, wisp of a senate majority leader everyone thinks I am.

I've tried my very best to make dear leader Obama proud. I even let Rahm Emanuel follow me around all day like a smitten school girl to make sure I didn't get bullied by those meany Republicans. They can be so rude!

But did I complain? No.

Did I whine about having to spend endless hours in backroom negotiations trying to trim $80 billion in pork so the only three rational Republicans in the Senate, Susan Collins, Olympia Snowe, and Arlen Specter would agree to support it? No.

Or how about having to deal with those pesky "moderate" Democrats (whatever the hell that means...who do they think they're kidding?) like self-proclaimed conservative Nebraska Sen. Ben Nelson?

You try talking to a guy who says things like, "We trimmed the fat, fried the bacon and milked the sacred cows." A real piece of work that Nelson.

But, hey, whatever it takes to make a little ol' senate majority leader like me look powerful. Harry Reid, he's strong like bull.

And to get that damn mad man Rahm Emanuel off my back. He's scary.