Showing posts with label Maine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maine. Show all posts

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Crazy New Maine Governor Paul LePage Declares War On Labor...In The Form Of Historic Art Murals In The State Capital


It is no secret that several Republican governors, like that one Kochsucker in Wisconsin, have waged an all-out, no holds-barred, full-frontal assault on those no-good workers' unions and their terrible, ungodly right to collectively bargain fair wages and safe working conditions so they don't end up dying both penniless and limbless, since everyone knows it's probably cheaper to leave a few bloody digits here and there, than risk delaying production of the shiny, gleaming new 60 inch 3D LCD flatscreen HDTV 1080 dpi, with built-in state-of-the-art surround sound.

Priorities, people!

Not that those greedy teachers and assembly line workers could possibly understand that with their fancy shmancy 1992 Subaru Outbacks, worn out overalls, and seemingly never supply of bright, thick highlighters and sleek bic pens.

Guess for some people, the sky's the limit!

Good thing there's still one person who understands the stakes and will not stop, will not so much as rest, until every last lazy budget-busting union worker, school teacher, police officer, and sanitation worker is crushed, squashed, wiped from existence, and otherwise brought completely to their likely arthritic knees in the new, noble, holy GOP-helmed War on the Working Class.

Because for the new Teabagging governor of Maine, Paul LePage, a new front has just been opened in the war, and now it's not just labor unions in his crosshairs, but labor art too!

This ain't your grandma's class warfare!

You see, Paul LePage is understandably so disgusted by a "36-foot mural depicting the state's labor history" in the lobby of Maine's Department of Labor that he's ordered its removal, which will hopefully be followed by the prompt removal of all other undesirables, like Muslims, gays, Mexicans, and all other hapless schmucks who tasted the sweet nectar of freedom and somehow still landed in Maine. Maine!

Oh, and you know those conference rooms named after famous pro-labor icons like Cesar Chavez and the first female U.S. Cabinet secretary, FDR-era Labor Secretary Francis Perkins?? Those need to go too. Too worker-y!

Of course, the problem isn't that the mural and conference rooms disturbed the delicate aesthetic sensibilities, or even the sophisticated artistic integrity of the average Maine citizens, but rather that some businesspeople started bitching, which as you know always requires immediate action.

This is America after all!
"We have received feedback that the administration building is not perceived as equally receptive to both businesses and workers -- primarily because of the nature of the mural in the lobby and the names of our conference rooms," Maine Department of Labor Acting Commissioner Laura Boyett wrote in an e-mail.

"Whether or not the perception is valid is not really at issue and therefore, not open to debate. If either of our two constituencies perceives that they are not welcome in our administration building and this translates to a belief that their needs will not be heard or met by this department, then it presents a barrier to achieving our mission."
No poors allowed!

On the other hand, all the hot shot business owners and big wigs need to do is snap their fingers and voila! no more unsightly Socialist beggar mural!

Hmmm, the workers would probably do the same thing, if their fingers were still attached to their hands not stuck in a boiling vat of Maine's famous lobster clam bisque.

Gov. LePage's Press Secretary Adrienne Bennett said the governor's office is exploring alternative places to keep the mural, perhaps in the state museum, and believes they can move it without damaging the artwork.

"We're not going to put an 'Open for Business' sign in the lobby either," she said when asked what would replace the painting. "It's going to be neutral."

I mean they're not dirty whores, here!
"When you walk into our Department of Labor lobby, you see this mural, which is on several walls," Bennett said. "There's no getting around it. You see it, and it's there. The administration feels it's inappropriate for a taxpayer-funded agency to appear to be on one side or another. Clearly, the mural depicts one side. ... We've got to make sure, as a Department and as a state government, we're representing all Maine people."
Or at least those who went ahead and actually made something of themselves, getting filthy rich off the misfortunes of others, not frittering away their lives teaching your bratty kid English.

"The message from state agencies needs to be balanced," Bennett said, adding that that the rooms could instead be named "after mountains, counties or something."

Or maybe something really beautiful and inspiring like say Bernie Madoff's Golden Pyramid scheme atop a scintillating sea of luxurious shiny black BP-oil soaked bird and fish carcasses, with a breathtaking cascade of acid rain, Glenn Beck's gold plated coins, and poor people's tears trickling down on the miserable mass of weeping orphans, starving children, and the now-distant memories of Maine's once thriving, now threatened working class.
"No matter what you name a room, no matter how many pictures you take down, the truth is that this state was built by and for working people and this move dishonors the generations of hard-working Mainers who came before us," Maine AFL-CIO President Don Berry said. "Paul LePage cannot erase our history, and he will not silence the voice of the working class in Maine."
Don't be silly. With all the greedy teachers gone, there's no one to teach the poor schlubs how to speak anyway.

But how does a nice, pretty picture sound instead?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Woohoo! Maine Tea Party 'Movment' Ready To Mov Forward, With Or Without The Elitist Letter "E"

Mov Forward Amerika!

Justin Timberlake can bring all the sexy back he wants, so long as he leaves bringin' dem good ol' fashioned red meat family-values back to those who understand such things, like the Teabaggers at the Maine Lobsterback Festival.

These patriotic freedom fighters aren't just putting the "Red" back in "Lobster," they're taking the "E" out of "Movement," because the letter E is clearly for Elitist arugula-eating Socialists who hate America.

Prompting one festival-goer to wonder just who's responsible for this umm, shall we say, creative free-market approach to the English language.

“I am half hoping that the guy at Kinko’s who made their banner did this on purpose, but the Maine Tea Party is just probably that stupid.”

Stupid is as stupid duhz. That, or they just enjoy adding letters where they don't belong and omitting them where they do.

Crayzee Teebahggurz.

One thing's for sure, they certainly put the "e" in retard.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Houston We Have a Problem: Annise Parker to be First Openly Gay Mayor in City History


Holy flaming cannoli! After stinging defeats in Maine and that godless cesspool New York, it seemed those feisty gays would be condemned to eternally wander, cold and alone, with nary a constitutional protection to call their own.

But then like a beautiful rainbow after the storm, a glimmer of light broke through the dark menacing clouds, and there, deep in the Red-blooded heart of Texas, history was made.

Much like its fellow unlikely Defender of Queer, Iowa, America's fourth-largest city, Houston, figured why the hell not join the progress party and elect their very own gay to public office. For fun!

Despite the double edged-sword of being both a woman and a sinful lesbian in a state not known to be particularly fond of either, City controller Annise Parker handily defeated her Democratic challenger, former city attorney Gene Locke, 53 percent to 47 percent, to claim victory as the first openly gay (and second openly female) mayor in Houston's history.

Other cities such as Providence, Rhode Island, and Portland, Oregon, have picked openly gay mayors, but they don't really count since neither state has ever prided themselves on being a bunch of homophobic racists hellbent on seceding from the God-awful Union of sin called America. Turns out, ignorance, bigotry and deep-seated aversion to change does bring with it certain advantages.

Like making it extra special when the very city that just a few years ago rejected offering benefits to same-sex partners of city workers, in a state that already banned gay marriage, suddenly votes to elect a member of this dreaded species into power as its fabulous new mayor.

"There's a certain segment of Houston, there's a certain segment of society that has problems with the issues around sexual orientation," 53-year-old Annise Parker said. "But the citizens of Houston have elected me six consecutive times to public office. They know me, they trust me."

"Houston is a multiracial, multicultural, international city. And I think my election will send a message to the world that Houston is a city that might surprise a lot of folks."

“Tonight the voters of Houston have opened the door to history," Parker said, standing by her partner of 19 years, Kathy Hubbard, and their three adopted children. "I acknowledge that. I embrace that. I know what this win means to many of us who never thought we could achieve high office."

"I have always stood up for the fact that I am gay. It's part of the resume that I bring to the table, but it's just a piece of the package," she said.

The real problem isn't the fact that this proud Texan's a Democrat, woman, or even a gay. But something much, much worse: a Rice alum (gasp!).

Which effectively means the Republic of Texas' days of being the reliable outpost of backwards-thinking cowboys, confederates, and Jesus freak secessionists we've come to know and laugh at, are officially on life support.

Guess Grandma isn't the only one who needs to be worried about plug-pulling death squads.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Psyche! Maine Voters Decide Not To Give The Gays Equal Rights After All


Maine voters came thisclose to becoming the first electorate in any state to say sure, why the hell not let the gays marry like the rest of us one man plus one woman miseries before deciding eh, on second thought, they'd rather keep that hetero perk all to their newly puritan selves.

After all, this is Maine, people--not some Kumbaya-chanting hippie commune like Iowa.

Besides, with Sen. Olympia Snowe already crossing the aisle as the sole Republican to support health care reform, Maine's trailblazer reputation is already secured, so there's no need to get all wild 'n crazy and start actually treating the gays like real citizens who are afforded the same constitutional protections as everyone else. We're not trying to ruffle any feathers here! That's part of what makes Maine, well Maine.

If being ordinary and unexciting wasn't a part of its history, how else could this proud, 40th most populous state of 1,316,456 be home to the thriving Northeast metropolis known as Portland–South Portland–Biddeford?

Although, gay marriage has now lost in every single state in which civil rights are left up to the voters for a positively St. Louis Rams/Detroit Lions-like record of 0-31, gay rights activists and the handful of hetero Americans who thought the whole 'separate but equal' issue was settled with the Supreme Court's unanimous 1954 landmark Brown v. Board of Education ruling striking down segregation as unconstitutional under the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, were disappointed to learn that (much like California) the same standards of jurisprudence simply don't apply to queers in Maine either.

Turns out that even Maine's independent streak and irrepressible Yankee spirit of fairness and individuality wasn't enough to stop the hate juggernaut or the indisputable fact that when marriage equality is decided by voters, Jesus tends to trump justice.

I mean if gay marriage cannot win in the original bastion of same-sex sin California, was it ever realistic to expect a rainbow-colored welcome banner in Maine, with or without the Mormon-led cruasde against the scourge of Homosinuality.

As long as America allows civil rights to be decided by voters at the ballot box instead of as a Federal constitutional matter before the U.S. Supreme Court, true equality and freedom--like the founding fathers intended--will never be realized.

Think about it, if we treated blacks like we treat the gays, half the South would still be hosing down black kids trying to go to school, ride the bus, or God forbid, drink from a (whites-only) fountain.

But I guess we could always compromise and enact something like Don't Ask, Don't Tell. We can all just run around with paper bags over our heads and Hazmat suits on our bodies so nobody knows anything about anybody. That way, who's black, white or sparkly-rainbow colored would all remain hidden under a common cloak of freedom.

Just like the good old days!


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Forget Swine Flu, Gay Marriage Bug Threatens Entire Northeast!



Oh no! While America was being distracted by the pig AIDS pandemic, a much scarier virus was busy creeping across our fair land.

I'm talking of course about the dreaded gay marriage bug tearing through the Northeast this spring, easily taking Ben and Jerry's hedonist commune Vermont, before striking New Hampshire, and now Maine. We're talking MAINE, people!

That's not including the queer assault on America's heartland last month, bringing the good people of Iowa right down the rainbow drain with them. Not to mention, the original Bobbsey Twins of sin, Massachusetts and Connecticut, who first fell victim to the devil's handiwork by legalizing unholy unions of sin (or as liberals call it, same-sex marriage) in 2004 and 2008, respectively.

Even little ol' Washington, DC couldn't resist the wily charms of allowing two people to marry each other not for propagation alone but love, sweet love. Okay, well not exactly to marry but to at least have their god-forsaken matrimony honored when away from the
Sodom and Gomorrah they call home and in the confines of the nation's capital.

Hey, how else do you expect a swampy, non-state with no voting rights to contribute to the downfall of society?