Jenny Sanford Is So Outta Here!

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can He Turn To?

Long-suffering Stepford wife Jenny Sanford has finally said good riddance to her no-good, two-timing, scoundrel of a governor husband, Mark Sanford, announcing she is moving the hell out of the Governor's Mansion and taking her four sons to Charleston. For real!

Jenny's surprise "F You" to hubby Mark comes upon the family's return from their joyous two-week vacay across Europe to patch things up one month after Gov. Sanford tearfully admitted that "hiking on the Appalachian Trail" really meant banging his hot Argentine mistress in a cozy Buenos Aires motel some 4,933 miles away from the nagging wifey and kids.

Soooo, umm I guess you could say the trip didn't go so well?

"I am so thankful for the overwhelming support and prayers we have received from people all across South Carolina. I am literally in awe of how blessed we are to have such love and support from family and friends, old and new."

"It is with this support, and after much careful and prayerful consideration, that I have decided to move back to our home in Charleston with our sons for the upcoming school year. From there, we will work to continue the process of healing our family."

Like finding a husband who is not a total douchebag.

"While we will be leaving Columbia, we will return often, and I will remain engaged in activities in my role as first lady, acknowledging that my responsibilities to my family come first."

Unlike some two-faced, good-for-nothing, drama queen governors who shall remain nameless.

"Once again, when it comes to personal family matters like this, I respectfully ask that members of the media allow us to go on with our lives in peace."

Hear that MEDIA? Stop making her husband shirk all responsibilities as governor of South Carolina in order to rendezvous with his Latina lover and then hold endless, weepy press conferences about how God loves cheating Republican hypocrites who run their state--and marriage--into the gutter.

This Is One Bizarre Love Triangle We Could've Done Without

Umm, yeah, this is gonna be awkward. So I'm just gonna go ahead and save you the suspense: It's his kid.

You already know pretty boy family man John Edwards was running around screwing some broad--er make that his mistress--while he ran for president of the world and his wife battled cancer. He's just that kind of guy. So is it really that crazy to think that after endless romps in the sack, one of his li'l guys managed to squiggle in and implant itself in Rielle's fertile womb?

Who knows. Maybe Rielle is sluttier than we thought and goes around banging more than rich, smug politicians from one of the Carolinas.

I, for one, am not going to pretend to be an expert on the sexual exploits of a certain Rielle Hunter, aka Lisa Jo Druck, Lisa Hunter, Lisa Jo Hunter, Rielle Jaya James Druck. All I know is her and Johnny were going at it for quite some time when Miss Hunter suddenly found herself preggers with an anonymous love child, sworn to secrecy and whisked away to sunny California.

Either way this ends, I have a feeling wifey Elizabeth isn't going to be pleased. And something tells me John Edwards' presidential aspirations aren't getting any brighter. Not that they were so hot before this little faux pas.

I don't know. Something about this southern gentleman and his $400 dollar hair cuts just never really felt right. Almost as if it were too good to be true.