Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Phew! Gov. Mark Sanford's Face Won't Be On Milk Cartons After All



Good news nation! South Carolina Governor and notorious
welfare queen Mark Sanford, who vanished without a trace from his beloved red-headed stepchild of a state on Thursday, has finally been found!

Which is good because everyone was getting pretty worried over his little one-man game of hide-and-seek, except of course for his lovely wife Jenny
whose knowledge of Mark's whereabouts extends no further than "he is writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids.” Oh, I see. Nothing suspicious there.

Same with South Carolina authorities, who like wifey, also apparently fell just short of the governor's need-to-know requirements and were instead forced to trace calls from Sanford's cell phone to figure out where the hell their AWOL governor went. Only to discover his four-day joyride included a stop in Hotlanta--for business purposes of course.

But fear not my friends, everything's going to be fine. Sanford's communications director Joel Sawyer said that before the governor scrammed like a bat out of hell, “he let staff know his whereabouts and that he'd be difficult to reach.” How nice of him!

But just to be on the safe side and clear up that nasty rumor the governor was missing, his office also released a statement, “Gov. Sanford is taking some time away from the office this week to recharge after the stimulus battle and the legislative session, and to work on a couple of projects that have fallen by the wayside."

I think their names are Kitty and Monica. Or was it Bunny and Tina? I can never keep 'em straight!

3 comments:

Mike Di Leo said...

"he is writing something" = "he is scratching the Gettysburg Address into the back of a Dominican cabana boy with his fingernails."

phuckpolitics said...

I was really hoping he disappeared.

The Warden said...

Turns out he had his very own private stimulus package going on down Argentina way!