Don't Cry For Me Argentina

Another day, another Republican politician caught with his pants down (gasp!). What is the Grand Old Party of traditional family values to do?

When we first heard the terrible news that South Carolina governor Mark Sanford was missing, we like the rest of the nation, were praying for his safe return from wherever he was. Off writing alone on the Appalachian Trail or something...

But turns out he wasn't simultaneously writing and hiking at all, unless of course you, like his office staff, consider sleeping with a sexy Argentinian babe who isn't his wife roughing it in the wilderness.

So after going AWOL for seven days and giving South Carolina its second heart attack since that secret Muslim terrorist was elected President, Gov. Mark Sanford finally admitted that those "projects" he'd been so diligently working on was really a beautiful Argentinian woman named Maria.

My apologies to Kitty and Monica. Guess we were waaaaay off...

"I've developed a relationship with what started as a dear, dear friend from Argentina. It began very innocently as many of these things do. A couple of e-mails back and forth...But recently over this last year it developed into something much more than that."

You know how those crazy Internets work! One minute you're emailing a friend, the next thing you know you're going incognito to have an illicit sex romp with your Latina mistress 4,797 miles across the Atlantic.

“What I did was wrong, period,” he said. “I spent the last five days crying in Argentina.”

Oh we bet you did, Governor! Until not a drop of fluid remained.