Rush Limbaugh Goes "Ching Chang Chong" On Air To Make His Wallet Go Ka-Ching On Land!

Miraculously shrinking ball of pills, polysaturated fat, and hate, Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, took a break from his usual job shrieking at pussy Democratic Congresswomen for getting shot in the head (haha dumb bitch!) by a lone, crazed Glock-toting madman to give the American people the one thing they've been missing all these years: half a minute of cartoonish "CHING CHANG CHONG" sounds by a pathetic slob with a microphone doing his best race-baiting caricature respectful impression of visiting Chinese President Hu Jintao, as might have been featured in, oh, I don't know, an old movie or ham radio show from the first half of the last century.

With an extra special bigoted swipe at gross gypsies as a special thank you for making Rush the richest and fattest racist rightwing radio slob this side of the Pacific.

"We're not gonna gyp Fox," Rush Limbaugh said. "I wanted to gyp it because the -- well, the -- Hu Jintao, he was speaking, and they weren't translating. They normally -- you have some translator every couple of words. But Hu Jintao was just going ["CHING CHANG CHONG"]. Nobody was translating. But that's the closest I can get."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, OMG, stop it, Rush! You're so right! Chinese people sure do talk funny!

It's even funnier after half a bottle of Oxycontin and two buckets of the Colonel's original recipe fried chicken smothered in gravy with a side of biscuits 'n slaw. Extra butter.

Rush Limbaugh 是个傻逼！

That's "CHING CHANG CHONG" for worthless, disgusting, Double Down chowing, fat racist man does something disgusting, fat and racist. And no, we don't mean Chow Yun-Fat.

Can't we just stick a Made in China sign on this worthless sadsack and sell him at Walmart?

Dude's already got the toxic, hazardous-for-your-health part down pat.

Sarah Brings Main Street To The Mainland, Err Close Enough

And how did our lovely Alaskan doll do on her first ever trip to the magical land of Asia?? Did she dazzle the world’s leading investors who came from near and far to hear what infinite pearls of wisdom the foremost political and business minds on earth--minds like Sarah Barracuda Palin--had to say at this year's CLSA Asia Pacific Markets Forum?

Before we say anything, let's start with a big congratulations. We're just excited Sarah actually made it to Hong Kong without pulling the usual Sarah Palin-Meg Stapleton stunt of canceling last-minute and pretending to have never been invited in the first place. So kudos, Sarah, for passing the physical presence test with flying colors. That's the good news!

The bad news is also that she actually showed up. So, was the $170,000 to $220,000 Alaskan princess' speaking fee worth the price of one of her pre-RNC convention Wasilla-to-Minneapolis transformation shopping spree?

Hell yeah, if you like your speeches "long, humorless, George W. Bush-like and sounding unmistakably like a pitch for 2012."

Described by some as “safe” and by others as “uncomfortable," several audience members reportedly walked out of Ms Palin’s speech 30 minutes before the end, citing “more important things to do” or describing the talk as “too partisan and too much like a speech at the Republican convention.” Hey, their loss, right?

But those who stayed for all 80 painful minutes of the super-secret Sarah speech got to hear such coherent thoughts as USA! USA! USA! China, be good. China, cool it. Easy there, China. China's awesome and gave us chopsticks, but should share the Asia better. Barack Obama BAD. America and China GOOD! And she didn't even mention Facebook once! Maybe that's why people were so upset??

Or was it the lack of opportunity to fire any questions at Ms. Palin during her very publicly hush-hush, off-limits to the media, yet carefully-crafted for a global television audience speech?

“You would think that with her team of speechwriters and a supposedly media-free environment Palin could have afforded to be either funny or thought-provoking, but she was neither,” one senior fund manager said.

“This was about an obviously ambitious wannabe presidential candidate laying down a marker on her weak spot of foreign policy,” another added. “I think we are going to hear something very similar to this speech trotted-out again in different places over the next months and years.”

Yeah!! But only if she promises to keep "calling it like she sees it and sharing with us candidly her view right from Main Street, Main Street USA!" And saying things like "Common sense tells you that when you're in a hole, you have to stop digging."

But answer me this, Sarah. If everyone did that, how would anyone ever get to China?

Will The U.S. And China Ever See Eye-To-Eye?

Notorious peace lover and world diplomat appeaser Barack Obama took his Kumbaya routine to the opening session of the U.S.-China Strategic and Economic Dialogue, where he pleaded with his Commie friends in the Far East to stop trampling its people en route to global domination as the world's hot new superpower.

“Just as we respect China’s ancient culture and remarkable achievements, we also strongly believe that the religion and culture of all peoples must be respected and protected and that all people should be free to speak their minds,” Obama said. “That includes ethnic and religious minorities in China, as surely as it includes minorities within the United States.”

By emphasizing that "The freedom to speak your mind, to worship your God and to choose your leaders” are part of the identity of the United States and luckily not Red China, Obama assured nervous Chinese leaders, “These are not things we wish to impose. This is who we are.”

As opposed to who they are, which is a dissident-crushing behemoth who we wouldn't be so afraid of if not for the small fact that they also happen to own all our assets and make at least half of the stupid s**t we love to buy.

So in an effort to show the world we're not going to risk relations with our favorite creditor on account of a couple of crushed Uighurs, Obama dropped the whole human rights spiel (boring!) in favor of a much more exciting topic: sports!

“President Hu [Jintao] and I both felt that it was important to get our relationship off to a good start,” Obama said. “Of course, as a new president and also as a basketball fan, I have learned from the words of Yao Ming, who said, ‘No matter whether you are new or an old team member, you need time to adjust to one another.’”

"Through this dialogue, I’m confident that we will meet Yao’s standard."

Surely, there must be something to make us shrimpy Americans see eye-to-eye with this 7 ft 6" hardwood court ambassador.

Like standing on a stack of $740 billion nicely folded dollars. Whoever said we couldn't find a way to put our debt to China to good use?