Rarrrrrr! Asia's Computer-Animated Vision Of Mud Wrestling, Pole Dancing, Dope Smoking, Lara Croft Version Of 2012 Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin

It's always refreshingly eye-opening to see how other cultures view America's various power-hungry demagogues and fraudulent national celebrities embarrassments, especially when that culture happens to be of the Asian variety, where every last one of us will likely be employed as factory workers in the near future,  making cheap, poorly constructed products to sell en masse to the Chinese or Japanese or Taiwanese or any other place ending in ese.

In this case, it is a lovely computer animation video from what is believed to be Taiwan (we can't read Asian characters anyway, so we'll just take their word for it), showing America's Arctic pride and joy Sarah Palin as she explores her potential 2012 presidential run.

And much as you would expect our favoritest Alaskan drifter version of Shakespeare to be portrayed, the computer animation artists over in Taiwan depict beloved 46-year-old Grandma and Master of Mama Bears the world over, Sarah Palin, as a bikini-clad teenage mud wrestler who seems perpetually confused as she goes about her daily activities of gunning down innocent four-legged creatures from planes, coining new and poetic words for the English language, dancing around a stripper pole campaign funds, parachuting into Teabagger rallies, smoking phat doobies with First Dude Todd while the rest of the Palin clan fight, make babies, and fire machine guns into the air while chillaxin' on their front porch in Wasilla, as our lovely hero winks her way into the White House.

See, even the Chinese/Taiwanese/Japanese can't help but mock her long time!

Guess we're not so different after all!

Except of course when it comes to making hilarious (and spot on!) computer generated Sarah Palin videos for YouTube. Then, they pretty much kick our hefty Big Mac padded behinds. In other words, go positively Palin on us!

Sarah Brings Main Street To The Mainland, Err Close Enough

And how did our lovely Alaskan doll do on her first ever trip to the magical land of Asia?? Did she dazzle the world’s leading investors who came from near and far to hear what infinite pearls of wisdom the foremost political and business minds on earth--minds like Sarah Barracuda Palin--had to say at this year's CLSA Asia Pacific Markets Forum?

Before we say anything, let's start with a big congratulations. We're just excited Sarah actually made it to Hong Kong without pulling the usual Sarah Palin-Meg Stapleton stunt of canceling last-minute and pretending to have never been invited in the first place. So kudos, Sarah, for passing the physical presence test with flying colors. That's the good news!

The bad news is also that she actually showed up. So, was the $170,000 to $220,000 Alaskan princess' speaking fee worth the price of one of her pre-RNC convention Wasilla-to-Minneapolis transformation shopping spree?

Hell yeah, if you like your speeches "long, humorless, George W. Bush-like and sounding unmistakably like a pitch for 2012."

Described by some as “safe” and by others as “uncomfortable," several audience members reportedly walked out of Ms Palin’s speech 30 minutes before the end, citing “more important things to do” or describing the talk as “too partisan and too much like a speech at the Republican convention.” Hey, their loss, right?

But those who stayed for all 80 painful minutes of the super-secret Sarah speech got to hear such coherent thoughts as USA! USA! USA! China, be good. China, cool it. Easy there, China. China's awesome and gave us chopsticks, but should share the Asia better. Barack Obama BAD. America and China GOOD! And she didn't even mention Facebook once! Maybe that's why people were so upset??

Or was it the lack of opportunity to fire any questions at Ms. Palin during her very publicly hush-hush, off-limits to the media, yet carefully-crafted for a global television audience speech?

“You would think that with her team of speechwriters and a supposedly media-free environment Palin could have afforded to be either funny or thought-provoking, but she was neither,” one senior fund manager said.

“This was about an obviously ambitious wannabe presidential candidate laying down a marker on her weak spot of foreign policy,” another added. “I think we are going to hear something very similar to this speech trotted-out again in different places over the next months and years.”

Yeah!! But only if she promises to keep "calling it like she sees it and sharing with us candidly her view right from Main Street, Main Street USA!" And saying things like "Common sense tells you that when you're in a hole, you have to stop digging."

But answer me this, Sarah. If everyone did that, how would anyone ever get to China?

Will Sarah Palin Quit On Asia Too?

Guess who's going to Asia? That's right! America's cuddly ice bunny from the Snowy North is heading to the Far East--to Hong Kong (of all places)--to serve the people!

Luckily, Sarah got her passport just in time to make the journey to the magical continent of Asia where she will say smart and funny things to investors of the brokerage firm CLSA Asia-Pacific Markets, much like Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and Alan Greenspan before her.

“Our keynote speakers are notable luminaries who often address topics that go beyond traditional finance such as geopolitics,” company spokeswoman Simone Wheeler said in a statement.

She said the conference aimed to present investors "a diversity of views that potentially influence decision-makers who help shape the markets."

“We just felt it would be a fabulous opportunity for CLSA clients to hear from Mrs. Palin,” Wheeler said, adding that CLSA approached Palin with the offer.

Oooh, this is so exciting! Sarah's first commercial speaking engagement and her first trip to magic Asian land--all rolled into one! But since it's tacky to discuss money, her speaking fees were not publicly disclosed. Betcha its a lot though!

The forum will also be closed to the media, and no word on the topic yet. (Please be Twitter, please be Twitter!).

September 23rd is the big day, which means Palin's loyal spokesperson and chronic bearer of bad news Meg Stapleton has approximately until September 23rd (ish) to cancel. And pretend it never existed in the first place. The forum, not Asia, that is.