OMG! Lindsey Graham's Vote For Elena Kagan Ensures He'll Lose His Next Election To Some White Hood 'N Robe Wearin' Patriot Who Thinks Less But Hates More

 Dick Durbin Whispers Sweet Nothings To Lindsey Graham As John Cornyn Jealously Fumes...

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted to advance questionably lesbian, definitely Socialist softball player Elena Kagan’s Supreme Court nomination to the full Senate by a vote of 13 to 6, split almost entirely along party lines (OMG, that's craziness!) except for that one terrible South Carolina traitor Lindsey Graham, who voted "You go girl, woo-woo!" the only Republican to break rank and vote in favor of one of Comrade Barry's arugula eating, elitist, Ivy educated liberal activist judges who will destroy America.

His reason for such Grand Old treachery?

Although Graham said Kagan was “not someone he would have chosen,” and there were “100 reasons” he could vote against her if he based his vote on her philosophy, he gayly decided to vote on her being qualified to hold the position, not based on the party of the evil man who nominated her.

Said Graham: "I'm going to vote for her because I believe this last election has consequences."

He said she met a time-honored standard for judicial nominees: that they be qualified and of good character, and even though she was not the nominee he would have chosen (she's not his type apparently), “the person who did choose — President Obama — I think chose wisely.”

"Senators shouldn't replace the president's judgment with their own, but merely ask, is the nominee qualified, of good character, and a judge, not a politician? To that, Graham answered yes."

OMG, hahahaha, he is soooooo going to lose his next primary now! They don't take too kindly to reason down in South Carolina!

But, on the bright side, if they ever do allow dem gays to gay marry, Dick Durbin has dibs on Lindsey poo who he'd just loooooove to make his bride-groom.

Senator Richard J. Durbin of Illinois, the second-ranking Democrat in the Senate, said that Mr. Graham’s remarks had made him rethink his own approach to judicial nominations — including the decision by Democrats several years ago to prevent Miguel Estrada, a prominent conservative lawyer, from getting a hearing before the committee when President George W. Bush nominated Mr. Estrada to a federal appeals court.

Ooooooooh, how adorable!

Of Mr. Graham, Mr. Durbin said: “I reflected on some of the things that I have said and how I have voted in the past, and thought that perhaps his statement suggested a better course.”

Aww, you kids sure are cute! Never mind what those sore-loser Republican naysayers try and tell you, you two belong together, because like Bristol & Levi showed us all, true love cannot be denied! (Even if it can be boycotted by the bride's dreadful, icy-cold hearted Mother!) But just be sure to keep your Senate job, Dick, (or at least don't let Blago sell it just yet) because Lindsey is so getting fired.

Richard Quinn, a Graham consultant, defended his client — noting that the Senator is “not a demagogue”. Added Quinn: “He’s a thinking person’s conservative. I expect him to do well among voters with IQ’s in triple digits.”

Umm, yeah except those two things don't exist anymore. If you said he's a comatose person's conservative who you expect to do well among voters with IQ's somewhere between Forrest Gump and Joey Tribbiani, then absolutely! But hey, good luck with that, Linds! We're totally rooting for you!

Quinn also noted that it's more than four years before Graham faces voters again; "There will be many battles fought, lost and won between now and then."

Which leaves plenty of time for the Republicans to find a suitable KKK grand wizard, Jesus freak creationist, mentally ill born again anything, homophobic closet case, family values Appalachian trail-blazing adulterer, or plain ol' ignorant pillar of Jim Crow-lovin' racist white trash to take on (and keep your fingers crossed!) unseat a bleeding heart liberal like Lindsey Benedict Arnold Graham, and have the distinct privilege of serving alongside the inimitable Alvin Greene.

This being South Carolina and all, surely the appeal of serving your state with a young, black, inexplicably unemployed, possibly perverted shut-in of mysterious origins with no political experience or actual knowledge to discern, who might also be mentally retarded, is reason enough.

Not that another reason is needed when the chance to give the ol' heave-ho to Lindsey Graham is involved!

South Carolina has had quite enough sensible senators with brains not grits between their ears, who think for themselves, and vote based on what's best for their country, not what's best for the handful of crazed rightwing kooks who've hijacked their Party ever since blacky NObama hijacked their White House.

C'mon, South Carolina, have you no pride (not the gay kind, obvs!)? Return to your non-existent Southern senses! Oh, what, you're gonna sit back and let Kentucky or Texas show you up, and claim your rightful place as the undisputed King of the Crazies. For shame, South Carolina, for shame!

We always thought you were better than that! Everyone expected so much more from the redheaded stepchild of North Carolina. Guess we should've known better when you elected that thinking man with a girl's name who not only sort of looks like an old lesbo but votes for 'em too! And doesn't even hate gross poor people or charming black Democratic presidents just for trying to help save the country from reckless Republican-led ruin.

Ugh! Now Elena Kagan will be confirmed and South Carolina can stop thinking it's Commie California or whatever, and go back to being the backwards cesspool of illiteracy, obesity and adulterous sex.

The way God intended.

Just Because His Name's Lindsey, He Talks With A Lisp, & Is A Life-Long Bachelor Doesn't Make Him A Gay...Or A Moderate Either!

Oooh, Senator Do Tell!

Justin Bieber look-alike Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) may be a mysterious cross between a middle aged lesbian and a tweenage heartthrob, but that doesn't mean this baby-faced, sexually ambiguous good ol' boy from South Carolina's gonna start donning breeches and waistcoat and throwing back cups of freshly brewed English Breakfast, like the rest of the intellectually hijacked Glowing Orange Puppets in Congress.

This makes the human bags o' brew very angry...like black man in White House angry!

"The problem with the Tea Party, I think it's just unsustainable because they can never come up with a coherent vision for governing the country, said Sen. Graham, who has become persona non grata on the right for refusing to trade in his crisp Brooks Brothers suit for a white robe and matching KKK emblazoned hood.

Like the Dinosaurs, Dixiecrats, Dodo birds and John McCain's integrity, Graham knows "it will die out."

“Everything I’m doing now in terms of talking about climate, talking about immigration, talking about Gitmo is completely opposite of where the Tea Party movement’s at,” Graham said.

They much prefer shrieking incoherently about losing the country to secret Socialists in the White House and dirty Mexicans in the desert, spewing n*gger and f*ggot-laced profanities, holding up Obama equals Hitler  signs, and equating affordable health care for all with the Nazi slaughter of six million Jews. With obligatory grammatical mistakes and spelling errors like a real, 'merican patriot.

But that's not all Sen. Graham said in his traitorous interview with the arugula-eating liberal elitist rag, The New York Times: "'What do you want to do? You take back your country—and do what with it?'...Everybody went from being kind of hostile to just dead silent."

What would you like them to do, Linds?? Have actual thoughts and the ability to express these "ideas" into coherent phrases and sentences not involving the words Nazi, Hitler, Communist, Socialist, and/or White Power??

HAHAHAHAHA, good one!

Well excuuuuuuse them if not every patriot wearing decaffeinated bags o' Lipton on their forehead has the luxury to have their ghostwritten ideas scribbled into the palm of their hand like some elitist, hoity-toity, Lear jet-flying Alaskan Empress by the name of $arah Palin.

These are decent, hard-working, common folk real Americans who don't have time for fancy shmancy liberal things like using facts and reality to craft policy. The only krafting they do is of the mac 'n cheese variety and comes in a blue box.

"We don't have a lot of Reagan-type leaders in our party. Remember Ronald Reagan Democrats? I want a Republican that can attract Democrats."

Well I want a money tree that rains Benjamins every day before sunrise, and a special wand that waves pixie dust and makes all the dead, oil-soaked dolphins magically come back to life but that doesn't mean it's going to happen, now does it?

"Ronald Reagan would have a hard time getting elected as a Republican today," Graham added.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait just a second, sir! Not, Ronnie Reagan! THE Ronnie Reagen, the legendary Gipper and greatest American president ever to grace the face of the Earth, whose very blood, sweat and tears nourished this country back from the brink of destruction from a deadly 1980s combination of gay diseases and Soviet commies rampaging through society.

He would have trouble getting elected as a Republican today?? But he's got all the criteria! A decaying, Alzheimer's ravaged mind, a rudimentary grasp of the important issues, an uncanny George W. Bush-like ability to confuse confidence with competency, a personal, direct line to Jesus Christ, and a bizarre, vague, fact-less notion that a robust, strong economy comes by loose change from the couch cushions somehow trickling down to the gross poors and coloreds ruining America with their torn, tattered clothes, cardboard box homes, and swarthy, non-milky white skin tones.

Good thing Graham has the pasty, powdered, "indoor" look Republicans really seem to go for these days. Not to mention the scholastic chops (an impressive “800 combined score” on the SATs) to give a riveting keynote address to the next fine crop of gun-totin' graduates from some no-name college in bumblef**k South Carolina:

“This country is being challenged in a tremendous way. Broken borders, 12 million people here illegally. Everybody’s upset about that — they ought to be. But somebody’s got to fix it...America’s at her best when she’s thinking about the future and not the moment. So my advice to you graduates is when you get out of school and get a job and a family, try to be part of the solution, not the problem...And the only way we’re going to solve these problems is working together.”

BOOOOOOOO!!! 

Err, quick Lindsey better think of somethin' good 'n redneck to say, and quick!

“Good luck, and I hope all of y’all become rich!”

WOOHOOOOO!!!!

Naaaaaaailed it!

Of course, life ain't easy when you're the cherub-faced, soft-spoken go-to GOP liaison to Barry's DEMONcratic White House, who is willing to maybe, just maybe, work with gross, terrible Democrats to oh, I don't know, actually help the country.

“He’s willing to work on more things than the others," White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel said. "Lindsey, to his credit, has a small-government vision that’s out of fashion with his party, which stands for no government...He’s one of the last big voices to give that vision intellectual energy.”

Or at least more than hot air or orange radioactive fallout like some other boneheaded GOP leaders fond of comparing big banks to poor worker ants crushed by nuked up, trigger happy Kenyan Presidents hellbent on restoring stability and integrity to the financial industry.

Like say "the small people" not getting billions in government bailouts as a reward for running their billion dollar corporations into the ground while trying to make a quick buck betting that the securities they sold were actually more bogus than the Republicans' attempt to solve anything, ever.

“I’m a little worried. This is not healthy for the country. It’s really not.” But at least his party’s unwillingness to work with the Obama administration amounted to an “opportunity” for him to be the Hill’s deal-maker in chief, “I mean, I’m not having to push through people to get to the front of the line.”

That's because every other Republican seems to have gotten the memo that Barry's got cooties!

Of course, for his cardinal sins of cooperation, conservatives, wingnuts, and Grand Old Pricks like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh have been all over "Miss Lindsey" like marshmallows and chocolate on graham crackers, insinuating that his fleet-footed tendencies to seek common ground with Democrats, really comes from fear of being outed as a repulsive, limp-wristed homosexual, the single most God-awful, dreadful fate a strapping, testosterone-filled South Carolinian could ever be cursed with.

“Like maybe I’m having a clandestine affair with Ricky Martin,” he said. “I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.”

He's just gay for government!

Unless you happen to know an attractive Oval Office that's vacant? Cause then he might be interested. He has a long history of going both ways. Only problem being those darn cold feet he gets every time it comes to actually walking down the aisle!

“Reason always prevails,” he said, “if you can market it right.”

Cowboy hat, spurs, a loaded .57 magnum, the perfect amount of manly queer bashing, and a King James Bible in the back pocket oughta do the trick.

“I fully understand 70 to 80 percent of my [Republican] conference is going to reject any idea of putting a price on carbon anywhere,” he told me. For that matter, he said, “the environmental groups are great to deal with — but they think the planet’s gonna melt in five years. I don’t. I think carbon pollution, all things considered, is bad for human beings. But it’s not what I think of when I wake up in the morning...I offer myself as a bridge, and I take a beating for that, and I get rewarded for that. It’s a business. Politically, it is who I am now. There’s no use for me to try to play another game.”

Especially the get-a-life or at least get-a-wife game!

He'll stick with his sad, boring, homo no life, instead of risking deportation living la vida loca with Señor Martin.

Even if his seven years as a senator and frequent White House visitor have failed to produce a single legislative victory, gay ol' hopey-changey Lindsey is optimistic that things will improve with the upcoming elections.

“If you look at the Republicans who are likely to come into the Senate in 2010,” he told The Times. “They’re gonna be more like me, not less like me.”

Sexually confused, androgynous, closeted Obama-admiring moderates whose timid, disingenuous bipartisan attempts to (twinkle?) toe the Grand Old Party line come with little style, less substance, and absolutely zero results?

Guess that's just the way the cookie, err Graham cracker crumbles.

Or in Lindsey's case, flakes!

And The Runners-Up For The Republican Innapropriate Behavior Contest Are...

In all the excitement over Joe Wilson's tremendous feat of making himself and his dear party look like a bunch of mindless heathens during the president's speech to America, it is easy to forget the efforts of fellow conservative stars and statesmen Lindesy Graham and Eric Cantor who earned distinguished honors of their own for less vocal, but no less significant personal protests against the evil Obama Empire.

First, we have fellow South Carolina gentleman Lindsey Graham who almost made the horrible mistake of breaking with his GOP masters by actually clapping for the stupid public option. While President Obama is making a pretty uncontroversial point about how private and public universities coexist, Graham puts his hands together as if to clap before luckily seeing that none of his GOP colleagues are applauding and quickly playing it off as an impromptu hand rub. Phew! Slick one, Linds!

No wanting to show any disrespect, Twitter machine Eric Cantor vowed to steer clear of the tweets and actually listen to what that bastard Obama had to say about health care. Which he totally did by furiously typing away on his Crackberry throughout the President's entire address to Congress instead. Keepin' it classy per usual.

Don't worry because even with the whole Joe "My Emotions Got The Best Of Me" Wilson brouhaha, the efforts of Graham and Cantor did not go unnoticed, and both will be receiving well-earned medals honoring their respective accomplishments in the "Who's Paying Attention the Least Competition." The biggest a**hole award was obviously already taken. There's always next year gentlemen!

Emperor Obama's Health Care Complex

Remember that ever-cool President Barack Obama with his big words and booming voice who's going to fix all the problems of the world if those defeatist Republicans would stop bummer-boning all his good ideas for achieving real progress in this country?

"This isn't about me. This isn't about politics. This is about a health care system that is breaking America's families, breaking America's businesses, and breaking America's economy," Obama said.

"There are some in this town who are content to perpetuate the status quo, are in fact fighting reform on behalf of powerful special interests. There are others who recognize the problem, but believe--or perhaps, hope--that we can put off the hard work of insurance reform for another day, another year, another decade."

You see Big Dog Barry has had it up to here with the "politics of delay and defeat," and he's determined to show all those naysayers who the real boss is: A 6' 2" half-black man of the century who is the antithesis of Napoleon.

Which doesn't bode well for Sen. Jim DeMint, who summed up the Republicans' brilliant strategy of praying Obama's fate echoes that of a certain early 19th century, vertically challenged French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte whose overreaching ambitions turned out to be his downfall, during a conference call with "tea party" participants.

"If we’re able to stop Obama on this, it will be his Waterloo. It will break him."

Effeminate, southern gentleman Sen. Lindsey Graham is also hedging his bets that Emperor Obama will fail in his effort to convince Americans of the need for healthcare reform because it "runs contrary to traditionally American values."

"Basically I think he'll fail, because he's trying to convince America to be something other than America," Graham said. "I don't think he's going to be successful, because Americans really do not feel comfortable turning over healthcare to the government."

Yes, they feel much more comfortable not being able to pay for any treatment at all. Anything's better than this god-awful government of this country that we love taking over yet another perfectly functioning industry. Even death...or malpractice.

Sonia Sotomayor Vows To Uphold Law, Even For White Males

Wise, empathetic, Latina owl Sonia Sotomayor pledged to serve the "larger interest of impartial justice" and not only help minority firefighters, baseball players, and Hispanics.

President Obama's Supreme Court nominee to replace retiring hermit Justice David Souter, sassy South Bronx-born (holla!) Sonia Sotomayor hoped to silence critics, aka Republicans, with her Ivy-League educated words (elitist!) and her 17-year experience as a federal appeals judge during the start of her confirmation hearings before Congress.

“The task of a judge is not to make law,” she said. “It is to apply law...My personal and professional experiences help me listen and understand, with the law always commanding the result in every case."

The Senate Judiciary Committee resumes hearings on Tuesday where Democrats will defend her as a Hispanic pioneer well qualified for the high court and Republicans will question whether this means the end for white male supremacy on Earth. The horror!

But in the brilliant words of Sen. Lindsey Graham, the only Republican to even hint he'd vote to confirm Sotomayor, "Unless you have a complete meltdown, you're going to get confirmed."

Of course, Graham quickly added, "And I don't think you will" reminding everyone that Sonia Sotomayor probably isn't going to go off the deep end and short of a miracle from the GOP God, will likely be easily confirmed.

Sen. Jeff Sessions of Alabama, the senior Republican, vowed a "respectful tone" and "maybe some disagreements" before ripping into this self-proclaimed "wise Latina woman" for ever thinking her experience might sometimes help her reach a better decision than a white male.

"I will not vote for, and no senator should vote for an individual nominated by any president who believes it is acceptable for a judge to allow their own personal background, gender, prejudices or sympathies to sway their decision," he said.

"Call it empathy, call it prejudice or call it sympathy, but whatever it is, it's not law," Sessions said. "In truth, it's more akin to politics, and politics has no place in the courtroom."

At least not when a Democrat is in office, God damn it!

GOP Confused Over Obama's Reluctance To Nuke Iran

As democracy continued to blossom in Iran over the weekend, leaving a trail of death and destruction in its wake, President Obama remained decidedly cautious in his involvement, releasing a statement calling on the government "to stop all violent and unjust actions against its own people."

While Obama's calm, even-mannered approach has been praised by most foreign-policy experts, one group is not satisfied by Mr. Pussyfoot President over here. No sir-ee!

The Republicans are once again up in arms over Barack Obama's refusal to act like that brave hero George W. Bush and just go ahead and nuke the damn country. Remember, bomb first, ask questions later.

Like Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, who has had it up to here with the cool, rational approach of Sir Barry. "The president of the United States is supposed to lead the free world, not follow it. He's been timid and passive more than I would like."

Clearly, Sen. Graham is still nostalgic over the successful cowboy diplomacy of his predecessor, which entails a lot more than well thought out goals and long-term strategies. Good ass-whoopins usually do.

Not wanting Linds to feel left out, delightful Twitter bug and fellow outraged GOP Sen. Chuck Grassley, voiced his own disappointment at the Obama administration 's careful response to the growing violence and chaos gripping Iran. "If America stands for democracy and all of these demonstrations are going on ... obviously they are going to ask, do we really care about our principles?"

And unless we level the the damn place, how will they ever know how much?

But, some like Tom Malinowski, Washington advocacy director for Human Rights Watch, thinks Obama has struck the right balance. "Some people are saying 'bearing witness' is a passive stance, but I'm not sure what an active stance would be. What else could he do? The more the demands of the opposition become associated with the United States, the harder it will be for a spontaneous opposition movement in Iran to make progress."

True, but at least the Republicans can't call him pussy anymore. And what is more important than that?