While the big, bad gubmint pokes its no-good, grubby paws all over good, decent, hardworking American's constitutional right to get fleeced by insurance companies while battling cancer, freedom 'n Jesus-loving legislators in America's heartland are working overtime to make sure their citizens are protected from the Socialist threat of Uncle Sam, and finding their own common-sense solutions to some of the nation's most pressing problems.
In South Dakota, that of course means figuring out the best way to legalize murder, or at least when it comes to those pesky doctors always trying to abort precious li'l miracles (of drunken regret, incestuous rape, forced penetration, and otherwise) gestating comfortably inside your daughter, mother, wife or other female kin.
And since we all know that everyone in South Dakota is already rather closely related, this basically means that any ol' South Dakotan with a gun in his pocket and bun in his woman's oven can pretty much go around shooting doctors whenever he so much as perceives his unborn child is being threatened, thanks to a new bill by state representative and unsung hero of the unborn, Phil Jensen.
Oh, what, you really thought South Dakota was just gonna sit around Mount Rushmore and let Arizona steal all the sexy psycho spotlight!?
The bill, sponsored by state Rep. Phil Jensen, a committed foe of abortion rights, alters the state’s legal definition of justifiable homicide by adding language stating that a homicide is permissible if committed by a person “while resisting an attempt to harm” that person’s unborn child or the unborn child of that person’s spouse, partner, parent, or child. If the bill passes, it could in theory allow a woman’s father, mother, son, daughter, or husband to kill anyone who tried to provide that woman an abortion—even if she wanted one.Well I should certainly hope so! I mean, since when do silly women know anything about anything, let alone what is best for their own dumb bodies!?
But, thanks to the wonderful work of state Republicans, not only is South Dakota well on its merry way to making abortion as illegal as is constitutionally allowed following Roe v. Wade, but now all of South Dakota can feel safe and secure knowing that microscopic sacs of cells have more rights than fully grown, fully developed adult humans. Just like Jesus intended.
"The bill in South Dakota is an invitation to murder abortion providers," said Vicki Saporta, the president of the National Abortion Federation. "This is not an abstract bill."
Good thing, considering eight doctors (or baby killers as they're more commonly known in South Dakota) have already been murdered (or as they prefer, divinely aborted) at the hands of crazed anti-abortion nutjobs since 1993, and another 17 have been the victims of murder attempts, with many of the "pro-life" perps pleading the ol' 'justifiable homicide' defense at their trials.
According to the South Dakota Campaign for Healthy Families, "The measure could have major implications if a misguided extremist invokes this 'self-defense' statute to justify the murder of a doctor, nurse or volunteer."
As if any justification is necessary in these parts!
All that needs to be done now is require all fetuses to carry a handgun at all times to really stop the senseless murder of precious li'l embryos of amniotic fluid and cells, while they're still in the womb and actually worth a damn.
Lord knows, it's all downhill after that.
Burst out of that vaginal canal and it's every fetus for itself! The nine-month free ride is over!
They become as worthless and expendable as Women, Gays, Mexicans, and other vulnerable, non pint-sized schlubs who deserve the same rights and protections as anyone else.
Anyone still connected to a placenta, that is.