PETA's Failed Foray Into Sex Industry

Why PETA's New Commercial Makes Me Want To Shove Double-Bacon Cheeseburgers In My Mouth And Stomp Freshly Planted Flowers

It is official. The animal-crusaders over at PETA will not stop until they are the uncontested winners of the world's most irritating organization prize. It is the only explanation for the new veggie porn they tried to pass as legitimate Super Bowl commercial.

Need I remind you of a certain '04 halftime peep show that left the entire nation in Janet Jackson nipple-scarred trauma? Well that was for a nipple. Not even a whole one.

So, tell me PETA, what are the chances a bunch of lingerie models having hot, steamy sex with broccoli, pumpkins, and other assorted vegetables would ever be allowed to air on the highest watched night in television? Or actually make being vegetarian appealing?

Tofu meatballs are never going to be cool, no matter how many legumes you screw.

Maniacal Terrorist Birds No Match For Former Air Force Fighter Pilot

It's A Bird, It's A Plane...It's A Bird In The Plane!?

Crazed, killer birds attacked a US Airways flight en route from New York to Charlotte on Thursday, clogging the engine and causing the plane to plunge into the icy Hudson river.

But, luckily for all 150 passengers and 5 crew members aboard, the terrorist birds were no match for the "masterful" skills of Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, a former Air Force fighter pilot, who heroically guided the plane safely into the water, sparing the lives of everyone aboard.

Unfortunately, the flock of geese didn't make it. Our deepest condolences to PETA for the loss.

For The Birds