Republicans Vow To Stop Obama's Appointment Of Someone Completely Reasonable To The Nation's Highest Court

Brady Bunch Or Barry's Bench?

Oooh, this is gonna be fuuuuunnnn! Justice David Souter's surprise exit from the Supreme Court means a new appointment for Barry and that, my friends, means yet another wild Republican showdown. Yay!

Although the Republicans won't know the specific reason they oppose his choice until he actually names a replacement, they do know it will be terrible. That's why they're gearing up for a take-no-prisoners battle, unlike the world has ever seen. And believe you me, they'll come up with something. Even if they have to make it up.

A special crack-squad of GOP researchers is already combing through the records of potential nominees, hoping to find something, anything, to knock that damn presidential thorn-in-their side, Barack Hussein Obama, off his little hope-train express.

Nothing invigorates moping Republicans like a good partisan fight fueled by hate not facts. And helplessness. Both of which happen to be strong supply right now!

So while the GOP prepares for an all out war over the "liberal" and "activist" choices Obama is going to make, conservative groups like the Judicial Confirmation Network fired the first shots:

"The current Supreme Court is a liberal, judicial activist court...If Obama holds to his campaign promise to appoint a Justice who rules based on her own ‘deepest values’ and what's in her own ‘heart’ – instead of what is in the Constitution and laws — he will be the first American President who has made lawlessness an explicit standard for Supreme Court Justices."

Gasp! With the defection of Arlen Specter to the Democrats and Al Franken's victory in Minnesota all but official, there's nothing the dwindling Grand Old Party can do now to save America from a Supreme Court bench full of baby-murdering, gay-loving potheads.

Don't say they didn't warn you!

DC Bids Farewell To One Of Its Most Eligible Bachelors, Justice David Souter!

Sound the alarms, America! Justice David Souter is retiring. Yes, one of the many Supreme Court Justices you've never heard of has decided to call it quits at the spry, young age of 69, which is really like tween in justice years.

So, if Souter isn't leaving cause he's too old or too sick or just can't stand the idea of looking at Scalia's ugly mug for one more second, why on God's green earth is our dear Justice departing?

Turns out, the man hates our fair capital city and even though he's thankful for the twenty years he's spent having "the world's best job in the world's worst city," it is time to for Mr. Souter to reunite with his first love, the state of New Hampshire.

It's where all hip, liberal former Supreme Court justices go to live out the rest of their wild "most eligible bachelor" days in robeless peace and obscurity. You never know, he may even switch from fountain pen to ball point. After all, you only live once!