Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Barack Obama Calls Philadelphia Eagles To Congratulate Them On Michael Vick, First Dog Bo No Longer Barking To Him
Does Bo know about this?
President Barack Obama, aka Barry from the block, called up the owner of Philadelphia Eagles, Jeffrey Lurie, to thank him for giving former dog-killing star quarterback Michael Vick a second chance in the NFL, and not only because it makes Obama's beloved Chicago Bears' week 12 win over the Eagles actually look impressive. No offense Kevin Kolb.
According to Sports Illustrated's Peter King, Barack Obama had two things to discuss with Eagles owner Jeff Lurie: the redemption of Michael Vick and the alternative-energy plans Lurie unveiled this fall for Lincoln Financial Field.
"The president wanted to talk about two things, but the first was Michael,'' Lurie told me. "He said, 'So many people who serve time never get a fair second chance. He was ... passionate about it. He said it's never a level playing field for prisoners when they get out of jail. And he was happy that we did something on such a national stage that showed our faith in giving someone a second chance after such a major downfall.''
So, you're saying there's still hope for Tiger?
The aggressively conservation-minded Lurie, who believes the team can save $60 million in energy costs with the new eco-friendly renovations, told Obama he was happy to put a plan like this in place, but he wouldn't have done it unless it made some financial sense. "It's good business for us, which is the point,'' Lurie said. "We talked about policy and what he hopes can happen with alternative energy, and he raved about us being the first to put a plan like this in place.''
"He's a real football fan,'' Lurie said. "He loves his Bears. He really follows it. He knew how Michael was doing. It was really interesting to hear.''
Almost as interesting as all the crazed "Michael Vick is a serial dog murderer and reprehensible scumbag who deserves to be skinned alive, not given a second chance" outrage from furious fans.
The same furious fans, mind you, who couldn't give a flying fig about large athletic men, say, murdering actual people, or raping women, but suddenly lose their freakin' minds when it comes to murdering man's best friend, right before biting into a juicy, delicious 16oz Porterhouse.
Well, I say kudos to President Obama for congratulating a team for having the courage (balls?) to snag an electrifying, one-of-a-kind player every other team foolishly wouldn't touch with a field goal pole all out of fear of the potential pooch-related moral outrage of their fans.
Of course, it helps that Philly fans don't exactly have the same moral standards as the rest of humanity, and will not hesitate to boo Santa Claus and/or Jesus Christ if he so happened to rise from the dead and land in Lincoln Financial Field.
Despite what outraged PETA (and jealous Giants and Redskins fans might lead you to believe), President Obama is right. People who have paid their debt to society, and served their time deserve a "level playing field." And that field is a synthetic grass pro football field, where ex-felons get paid millions of dollars to throw an oval ball made of skinned pig leather or whatever, and leap onto, or avoid (depending on the position), piles of 300lb grown men in tights 16 days a year.
Sorry Bo, the long, winding road to redemption (and fantasy football championships!) is paved with second chances, Michael Vick, and the scattered remains of starved and beaten pit bull carcasses.