Friday, December 31, 2010

New Study Proves What We All Suspected: It's Not A Person's Fault They're Conservative, It's Their Damaged Brain!


Bored sexless scientists in dreary old Londontowne, England have discovered what most of humanity has already long suspected: scientists are boring, socially awkward, sexually deprived dweebs with a bit too much time on their hands. Err, wait, we didn't need a study to prove that.

What we did (apparently) need a study to prove, however, is that conservatism is a brain disorder and those who lean to the right are actually a bunch of mentally deranged freaks of nature.

This isn't just a bunch of liberal ballyhoo, this is actual science!

Turns out scientists at University College London discovered that people who cling to a more conservative ideology have a larger amygdala, the part of the brain that controls "anxiety and emotion," (think a weeping Glenn Beck), as well as a smaller anterior cingulate, which controls bravery and optimism (think Anger Bear Papa O'Reilly).

According to the Telegraph:
Prof Geraint Rees, who led the research, said: "We were very surprised to find that there was an area of the brain that we could predict political attitude."

"It is very surprising because it does suggest there is something about political attitude that is encoded in our brain structure through our experience or that there is something in our brain structure that determines or results in political attitude."

Prof Rees and his team, who carried out the research for the Today programme on BBC Radio 4, looked at the brain make up of the Labour MP Stephen Pound and Alan Duncan, the Conservative Minister of State for International Development using a scanner.

They also questioned a further 90 students, who had already been scanned for other studies, about their political views.

The results, which will be published next year, back up a study that showed that some people were born with a "Liberal Gene" that makes people more likely to seek out less conventional political views.
So there you have it, folks. It is no longer some wild, groundless assumption or crazy hackneyed stereotype to say that conservatism is a brain disorder. It has now been definitely proven by this one 90-person study.

So the next time you get in a heated debate with your 90-year-old Aunt Nelly about whether Obamar is really a secret Muslim terrorist Socialist from Kendonesia or gays are gross, disease spreading abominations who deserve to be shipped off to some crowded island of homosinuality (Manhattan?), not granted actual human rights, remember this simple undisputed scientific fact: conservatives are all mentally impaired mutations who are stupid and idiotic. And brain-damaged.

They can't help themselves. They were born that way!

Hey, don't get mad at me. Get mad at science!

1 comment:

salma said...

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