Monday, December 20, 2010

Ignorance Is Freedom! New Poll Proves Fox News Viewers Are The Dumbest, Most Uninformed People In The World, Right After Fox News' Hosts

But why do the poll numbers add up to 120%, mommy? Because junior, everyone knows 100% is for pussies, math geeks, and lame-o Democrats. Not for hot, sexy Fox News, the undisputed leader in feigned 9/11 outrage, shamelessly bad graphics, mentally unstable news anchors, and baseless lies and mistruths, proudly poisoning America since 1996!

And now science has finally proven what the whole world already long suspected: People who get their "news" from Fox are the absolute dumbest, most mindblowingly idiotic, misinformed bunch of misanthrope misfits to ever grace the face of God's once green Earth. These morons have literally zero clue what's going on with umm, well, basically anything.

It's true!

A new University of Maryland study, "Misinformation and the 2010 Election," judging how likely consumers of various news outlets and publications were to believe misinformation on a wide range of political issues revealed some startling, or not so startling, results depending on whether you've spent the last six months holed up underground in one of Glenn Beck's emergency post-apocalyptic fallout shelters and bartering with armed, marauding nomads using his one-of-a-kind fake gold coins or not.

While consumers of virtually every news outlet believed some information disseminated during the 2010 election was false (90% of respondents overall), the study found that Fox News viewers, regardless of political affiliation, were "significantly more likely" to erroneously believe that:
  • Most economists estimate the stimulus caused job losses (12 points more likely)
  • Most economists have estimated the health care law will worsen the deficit (31 points)
  • The economy is getting worse (26 points)
  • Most scientists do not agree that climate change is occurring (30 points)
  • The stimulus legislation did not include any tax cuts (14 points)
  • Their own income taxes have gone up (14 points)
  • The auto bailout only occurred under Obama (13 points)
  • When TARP came up for a vote most Republicans opposed it (12 points)
  • And that it is not clear that Obama was born in the United States (31 points)
So, whether it's wrongly believing that Republicans voted against TARP, a big business government program created by the Republican administration of REPUBLICAN George W. Bush, or being unable to comprehend the simple fact (and yes, it is a fact) that global temperatures are rising at an alarming rate (because it still snows in winter), the Fox News viewer is a particularly dangerous animal. Because, unlike say your average CNN or MSNBC viewer, the Fox News watcher cannot, will not, be swayed in their retarded, ass backwards beliefs that NObama is a no-good, Secret Muslim Terrorist Socialist from the Soviet Union of Kenya, no matter how many times you shove his actual Hawaiian birth certificate in their dumb faces.

And like anyone inundated to a constant stream of racist rightwing lies, half-truths, and Papa Bear's pin head vs. patriot propaganda, the more a person is exposed to Fox News, the more they start to believe they are living in some doomsday hellscape led by Comrade Barry and his roving death squad of shovel-wielding Socialist sociopaths scheming to take out Granny and li'l baby Trigger.

Not only are they the stupidest people on earth, but they are 120% sure they are the smartest creatures to ever have sprouted from God's magic man-makin' dust and Adam's rib on the Sixth Day!

So there you have it folks. While common sense already told you that Fox News viewers have the most terrible, God-awful taste in food, fashion, hairstyles, houses/trailer homes, books, music, movies, art, artificial tear drops, architecture, and of course anchors, scientific evidence proves that Fox News viewers believe insanely ridiculous things about the stimulus, the economy, taxes, health care, the automobile industry bailout, unemployment, science, math and weather.

Naturally, actual Fox News viewers weren't bothered by the findings in the slightest because like seriously, c'mon, who the hell believes in science these days anyway?

Certainly not America's favoritest weeping Jesus and resident chalkboard & puppet scholar Glenn Lee Beck. He believes in a different kind of "profit." Ya know, the kind that usually ends in a bunch of zeroes.

Just like the Fox News audience!

But much like the eternal chicken/egg dilemma, one burning question remains unsolved:

Do they watch Fox News because they are idiots, or are they idiots because they watch Fox News?


Ben said...

While I'm all for burying Fox News in a deep dark pit, there are several large problems with the UMaryland poll that puts its findings into suspicion.

See here for the full analysis:

Anonymous said...

LMAO, this is the pot calling the kettle black. What an ignorant blog and post.

Anyone that takes your view on this "Poll" is exactly what you are trying to say about "Fox News" viewers, ignorant.