The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Is That A Glock In Your Pocket Or Are You Just A Mentally Ill Misfit From Arizona?
Usually when something shocking and terrible happens, normal people come together to grieve, express their sorrow, and reflect on the unspeakable tragedy in a heartfelt way, if only for a fleeting moment.
Then there's Arizona's way.
After witnessing one of their own elected Representatives, Democrat Gabrielle Giffords, and 19 others brutally gunned down in Tuscon by a Glock-wielding, grammar obsessed madman, the decent guys 'n gals in the parched, Mexican-free wasteland formerly known as Arizona had only one thought on their mind: How they could get one of dem awesome gunz, too!
Together they let out a collective, booming yipppeeeeeeeeeeee before hightailin' it to the nearest corner gun shop to get their own two proud 'merican hands on a bright shiny new Glock 19mm RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!
It's true! Gun shops throughout Arizona simply cannot keep the beautiful, shiny pocket death machines like the one used by Jared Loughner on their shelves, as the entire state was muy impressed with the cool efficiency by which it murdered innocent people. Such ease! Such precision! Such power! Such chaos! Such bloodshed!
But with such beautiful, spontaneous death comes a deep, dark creeping fear that soon the big bad gubmint will come and take away all their precious portable people-killing pocket devices, and the good citizens of Arizona will be left with nothing but English-only words and phrases, not hollow point bullets, to hurl at their elected officials and Mexican enemies of freedom.
"When the election process took place, people were fearful they were going to lose access to tactical firearms with high capacity magazines, as has been the case in the past when Democrats took office," said Blake Mecham, national accounts manager for Browning and its subsidiary, Winchester.
"People were rushing out to buy guns, because they were worried [Obama] was going to take their guns away," criminal justice professor William J. Vizzard, said. "He didn't have a single proposal on the table for gun laws. It defies reason. It's a culture unto itself."
Yes, a wonderful, rich culture of endless funeral line processions and black-clothed grieving mothers wailing in agony.
Because nothing says good business like some good old-fashioned carnage!
“Whenever there is a huge event, especially when it’s close to home, people do tend to run out and buy something to protect their family,” said Don Gallardo, a manager at Arizona Shooter’s World in Phoenix, who said that the number of people signing up for the store’s concealed weapons class doubled over the weekend.
Greg Wolff, the owner of two Arizona gun shops, told his manager to get ready for a stampede of new customers after Jared Loughner opened fire at a Tucson shopping center on Jan. 8.
Wolff was right. Instead of hurting sales, the massacre had the $499 semi-automatic pistols -- popular with police, sport shooters and gangsters -- flying out the doors of his Glockmeister stores in Mesa and Phoenix.
“We’re at double our volume over what we usually do,” Wolff said two days after the shooting spree. “When something like this happens people get worried that the government is going to ban stuff.”
Wolff called the shooting “horrible.” Nonetheless, it has created a surge of publicity for the gun, he said.
“It’s in the news now. I’m sure the Green Bay Packers are selling all kinds of jerseys today as well,” he said. “I just think our state embraces guns.”
OMG, like totes same thing! One is a fun game people like to play and watch when getting wasted at the local bar, where full grown men lay sprawled and splattered on the ground. The other is football.
“It’s one of the greatest guns made in the history of the world,” said Wolff, whose two stores sell Glock-made weapons almost exclusively.
Which is only fitting for the greatest country God ever made in the history of the world...So he could pump 30 continuous rounds into it.
Mwhahahahaha, dumb mortal little Glock-suckers! God doesn't Retreat...or Reload!