Poor Mittens Romney. It's trying to act like a human being, but it just doesn't know how. Hell, the more it tries to act like an actual carbon-based, oxygen breathing entity, not futuristic cyborg
And if that sounds terrifying, just look at ol' Mittens try to get in good with a crowd of Southern voters in Mississippi by explaining, naturally, how he too has this weird disease, (think it's called "being Southern"), which he caught from his unfortunate Mississippi-born bodyguard, Garrett Jackson, whose birth below the Mason-Dixon line must have somehow infected Mitt.
"He is now turning me into an, I don't know, an unofficial Southerner," Romney said. "And I'm learning to say 'y'all' and I like grits. Strange things are happening to me."It's as if he's, gasp, one of us. A real, live (multi-millionaire)
Or maybe that's just Stage I of the rare disease known as "Unofficial Southerner Syndrome." Give it a few days. In no time at all, he'll become morbidly obese, develop type II diabetes, sport a fanny pack with a Confederate flag on it, and swing on a front porch reminiscing about secession and how the "trees are just the right height."
[image via PunditKitchen]