Comrade Barry's Havana Affair

Viva La Revolucion!

Comrade Barry moved America a step closer to apocalyptic doom on Monday, announcing his decision to ease travel and money restrictions for Cuban-Americans hoping to reach out to family members and loved ones still stuck on the evil communist plantation island.

The Obama administration's dangerous, new Havana love affair permits U.S. telecommunications networks to link the U.S. and Cuba, and expands the number of humanitarian items that can be sent to the island (such as clothes, personal hygiene items, and other personal necessities like seeds and fishing gear). Sending money to Fidel, Raul and other high-ranking commie Castros, however, will remain prohibited under Obama's new policy

According to one senior White House official, President Obama's latest gutting of precious Bush administration policies to make America safe will allow both unlimited visits to family members in Cuba as well as unlimited remittances (cash immigrants send back home), because "as hard as we search, we can't find anyone who thinks the limitations Bush put on family travel and family remittances in 2004 were a good idea."

Um, since when was "good idea" a precondition for policy-making in this country? Oh right, Jan. 20th. Oops, my bad!

Comrade Obama's Historic Final Push To Become America's Next "Redistributionist-In-Chief"

With Election Day less than a week away, the presidential campaigns of Barack Obama and John McCain have reached the final homestretch, and both are kicking it into overdrive.

But, not surprisingly, the candidates' final sprint to the finish line are world's apart.

Flush with record-shattering cash reserves, Obama's campaign is opting for a primetime media blitz, saturating Wednesday night's television lineup with a special 30-minute ad special, "Barack Obama: American Stories" to air on almost every major network from NBC to Fox to Univision.

Um, perhaps, "Mr. Blue Jeans And Gym Shoes" should have taken some hints from Miss Designer Alaska and spent his money a little more wisely on substantive things like three-piece Gucci suits, Valentino jackets, and thigh-high f**k me boots.

Republican candidate John McCain is opting for another crunch-time strategy altogether.

It's called "The Desperate Last Gasp Of A Defeated, Bitter Old Man" and it consists of accusing his running mate of being everything, anything in the hopes that something finally sticks.

McCain's tested his latest brilliant campaign strategy at a rally in Miami, where he revved up the crowds, not by offering real solutions to the most pressing issues, but with something even more effective: baseless insults.

"Senator Obama is running to be Redistributionist in Chief. I'm running to be Commander in Chief. Senator Obama is running to spread the wealth. I'm running to create more wealth. Senator Obama is running to punish the successful. I'm running to make everyone successful."

But fear not, because the man poised to become America's next "Redistributionist-in-Chief" is taking the McCain campaigns' attacks in stride, even joking that:

"By the end of the week, he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in Kindergarten."

Ha ha that's hilarious! To think McCain would wait until the end of the week drop the C-Bomb...Omg, Barry, that's classic!

All Hail Comrade Barry!