Supreme Court Rules Wacko Westboro Church's Picketing Soldiers' Funerals Is Free Speech; Sadly Same Goes For Sarah Palin's 140-Character Ghostwritten Tributes To Herself

When not granting sleazy mega corporations the same rights, privileges, and fabulous new ability to donate as much cold, hard cash to political campaigns as your average Snuggie-wearing schlub on the sofa stuffing Pringles in his mouth, the Supreme Court is busy doing other vital things, like coming thisclose to unanimously ruling in favor of the right of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church to shriek outside gay soldiers' funerals with signs that say "God Hates Fags" and "AIDS Cures Fags" because of like freedom of speech or whatever.

It would have been unanimous, if not for the lone dissent of fearless, temper tantrum-throwing Justice Samuel Alito, who never misses a chance to disrupt a State of the Union address by NObama, or give the government more power over individual liberties, including the freedom to spew vile, racist shit at grieving loved ones of slain soldiers or innocent Muslim families and their children en route to charity events.

In his dissent, Justice Alito likened the Westboro Baptist Church protest to 'fighting words,' which are not protected by the First Amendment. “Our profound national commitment to free and open debate is not a license for the vicious verbal assault that occurred in this case.”

“In order to have a society in which public issues can be openly and vigorously debated,” he wrote, “it is not necessary to allow the brutalization of innocent victims.”

Au contraire, Sammy, ya sensitive shmuck! That's why you don't get to carry the big gavel, like Dr. Roberts over here. How you like them fightin' words?

Speaking for the majority, Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. said, “Speech is powerful. It can stir people to action, move them to tears of both joy and sorrow, and — as it did here — inflict great pain.”

“Debate on public issues should be robust, uninhibited and wide-open" (just like Bristol Palin!), because “speech on public issues occupies the highest rung of the hierarchy of First Amendment values.” 

"But, we cannot react to that pain by punishing the speaker. The national commitment to free speech requires protection of even hurtful speech on public issues to ensure that we do not stifle public debate.”

OMG, so true! I mean how else would Sarah Palin be able to contribute factually incorrect ghostwritten ruminations on her own terrible, conjured up victimization in 140-delightful characters or less? Because the important thing here is that it is now legal to say “God Hates Fags” and “Thank God For Dead Soldiers” in public, but private citizen, living legend, andconstitutional scholar Sarah Palin is not allowed to say “God” at all.

Who is this “we” she’s talking about? Lou Sarah? Another one of her various super secret Twitter accounts? And what is this public square of which she twats? The abandoned old parking lot of the Assembly of God church in downtown Wasilla?

Everyone knows Sarah Palin invokes God whenever and wherever she can round up a bunch of horny unemployed men with greasy hair to wave American flags and shout about taking back our country from no-good Secret Muslim Terrorist Socialist Presidents from Kendonesia!

Nobody, I said, nobody, but especially not some fruitcake in a potato sack is gonna take away her God-given right to talk about the God that loves her the most of all.

God doesn’t hate gays. He hates Muslims! And people who don’t like Sarah Palin.

In related breaking news, the Supreme Court unanimously upheld Sarah's "persecution/victim/narcissist complex" in the landmark case Sarah Palin v. Planet Earth.

Westboro Baptist Church Doesn't Much Care For Homos or Bobbsey Twins of Sin Sasha & Malia

The freakshows and whackjobs who make up the Westboro Baptist Church, the redheaded stepchild of fringe anti-gay groups, famous for protesting at military funerals, carrying signs such as "Thank God for 9/11," and blaming the world's woes on the dreaded sin of homosexuality have set their sights on another deviant threat to humanity: those awful Obama girls.

Members of the Westboro Baptist Church, founded by original closeted(?) head case Fred Phelps and made up mostly of fellow nutballs with the last name Phelps (no relation to Michael Phelps, who will burn in hell for smoking pot and engaging in the homosexual activity known as the Olympic butterfly) have decided to take their miserable, hate-filled lives to Sidwell Friends, Sasha and Malia Obama's private school in DC, to protest their three favorite abominations of God: the gays, abortion, and (of course) black Muslim presidents.

The picketers, whose lives are so fulfilling they find it necessary to protest nearly every day around Washington, D.C., to stalk little girls while they're at school to warn them against the scourge of homosinuality, the terrible disease responsible for everything from the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, to the ensuing wars, and even the mass shooting at Fort Hood as God's punishment for tolerating queers.

As part of their GodHatesFags.com tour schedule, the group plans to picket the Fort Hood memorial service this Tuesday, a few more local schools and the White House throughout the week, and if they get really lucky, some flamer's funeral who died while serving their country, or as a result of contracting God's cure for fags, AIDS.

But today the lovely members of Westboro Baptist will take their sideshow circus to Sidwell Friends Lower School, the traditionally Quaker school attended by the Obama girls to fulfill Jesus' mission terrorizing others over their own suppressed homosexual desires to dress up in stiletto heels and a mini-skirt and be Queen for a day.

The posting for today's Sidwell Friends Westboro protest reads, "Quakers?! Are you frigging kidding me? You pretend to be all non-violent, and you allow the most bloody, deceitful, evil, murderous bastard and his shemale sidekick to place their satanic spawn within your four walls?"

"So, the Quakers are in favor of abortion, now? How is that nonviolent? Anything to keep the money rolling in, huh hypocrites? Antichrist Obama said for all the world to hear, "Look, I've got two daughters. Nine years old and six years old. I'm gonna teach them first of all about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby...So, you have this bloody, deceitful, lying Antichrist admitting that he will happily slaughter any grand child who is an inconvenience for him. And you are taking his money? This place is NOT of God...Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen. Praise God for showing these vermin for just what they are. AMEN!

Yes, Praise the lord for revealing Sasha and Malia as the tween sewer rats they are, buff First Lady Michelle as the tranny sidekick of that bloody, lying Antichrist Barack Hussein Obama, and the decent God-loving folks in the Westboro Baptist Church as the pillars of the community.

The inbred, bigoted, low-life, redneck trash community, but hey a pillar is still a pillar, right?

Ellis Turner, the associate head of school at Sidwell Friends, said the school took no action to remove the protesters.

"We support the First Amendment here, so there was nothing we wanted to do about it," he said. "There was nothing they did other than offend those who didn't agree with their bigoted viewpoints."

Yes, but what about those who don't believe the public should be forced to look at snaggle-toothed trashballs with rolls of fat hanging out of their ill-fitting pants and yellow sweat stains every time they lift their blubbery arms to hold up some sign enumerating the various ways gays should die and how the pope is a lying whore who rapes children.

Hmmm, looks like the teabaggers have themselves some competition!