Turkeys Murdered As Palin Cheerfully Takes Questions From Media

You Think Ice Warrior Sarah Is Scared Of A Little Turkey Slaughtering?

Ugh. I promised myself I wouldn't waste another post talking about dumb GOP bimbo Sarah Palin. But then she goes and does something frighteningly bizarre and I find myself right back on the Palin freak show express.

So in case you were wondering, the answer is no, Sarah Palin is not afraid of a little good old fashioned turkey massacre. Blood, guts, and turkeys being shoved into Fargo-style meat grinders doesn't bother her one bit. It really helps capture the whole holiday spirit!

But, you know what is brutal?

Being a hot VP candidate in sexist America.

"I May Be Dumb, But I Sure Ain't Stupid!"

Elisabeth Hasselbeck's Country First "View" Of Things

"Women Can Dress Like Highlighters, Too!"

Surprisingly attractive conservative chatterbox Elisabeth Hasselbeck took a break from pissing off her View co-hosts to spend the weekend campaigning with another similarly attractive, strong-willed female, GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Unfortunately, the third musketeer, Ann Coulter, was too busy picketing the funerals of gay US soldiers killed in Iraq, who are no doubt now burning in eternal hellfire, to attend the gals' gathering. Next time, AC, next time!

Unveiling her new Southern' twang at a Palin campaign rally in Florida on Sunday, our sassy Lizzy defended her leading lady against Barack Obama and the liberal media's "FIXATION" on sweet Sarah's new, perfectly reasonable, donor-funded $150,000 Neiman Marcus/Saks Fifth Avenue wardrobe.

Clearly, questioning a VP candidate's widely scrutinized Paris Hilton-inspired shopping spree, is far more sinister than your typical "subconsciously sexist" behavior. It is "deliberately sexist!" And that just flat-out crosses the line.

Race, religion, secret Muslim affiliations, shady ties to terrorists, terrorist fist-jabs, peddling sex-ed to Kindergartners--this is all fair game. Ditto for Barack Obama's "repulsive" $3 million spending waste on a final prime-time ad campaign.

But, Lord help you if you even mention something to imply that Palin and Hasselbeck share the same XX chromosomes.

Like how you would still totally bang this brightly clad Betty and Veronica duo, even if they are some of the craziest two biddies you've ever seen.

Feel free to say whatever you want about the hot piece of man meat to the right, though.

"I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!"