Fox Doesn't Just Cover The News, They Sponsor It Too!

Fox News continued proving its journalistic excellence with its trademark "fair and balanced" coverage of the wild tea party movement that's sweeping through the nation. Or at least through the Fox News room.

There, everyone's favorite trustworthy Fox News anchors, like Glenn Beck, Neil Cavuto, Greta Van Susteren, and Sean Hannity helped giddily celebrate "FNC's Tax Day Tea Parties" with the rest of the greatest, free-est, most awesomest country in the world, the U.S. of A!

Now, not only do our news networks report on what's going on; they actively participate in it! But it's not like they promote it or anything.

Sure, nobody’s covering the tea parties quite like Fox--whose hysterical, 'round-the-clock, borderline-obsessive coverage has prompted critics to accuse the network of blurring the line between journalism and advocacy. Critics like every other mainstream media outlet in America that doesn't have its anchors shrieking “It’s tea party time, from sea to shining sea” while donning colonial garb to trace the history of the tea party movement and urge voters to send teabags to Washington.

Some like Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill.) even went public (gasp!) with their disgust, blasting the tea parties as a "shameful political stunt."

"Made to look like a grassroots uprising, this is an Obama bashing party promoted by corporate interests, as well as Republican lobbyists and politicians."

Sorry, Jan. But what would you do if you were desperate for ratings and forced to appeal to an increasingly fringe audience of cuckoos?

At least Fox is being 'fair and balanced'--in their unwavering support of both the tea baggers and their (newly fattened) bottom line ($$)!

Disgruntled Conservatives Use Poor, Misguided Masses To Protest Taxes And Black Presidents

The Taxman Cometh

Republicans are in a pickle. On the one hand, they don't want to seem like some Obama-loving liberal too pussy to attend one of the hundreds of anti-tax "tea parties" taking place across the country, but on the other, they don't necessarily want to be associated with some fringe movement by a bunch of right-wing nut jobs.

Of course this isn't a problem for national embarrassments like 2012 presidential hopefuls South Carolina governor and welfare queen Mark Sanford and Louisiana governor Piyush "Bobby" Jindal, whose places in the political douchebag hall of fame were secured long before they started teabagging.

For those Republicans with an actual brain, like former presidential contender Mitt Romney, the decision to stay away from these tea-themed KKK rallies was not a difficult one, even if it means incurring the wrath of chubby freedom-lovers like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, whose fearless efforts helped make these tax-day protests such a stunning success.

Luckily, the brilliant folks over at FreedomWorks, the conservative group that organized the tea parties, anticipated some godless liberals and other media elites might try to ruin their noble march against Obama and the Democrats.

Which is why they sent out a flyer containing important tips on how to avoid being embarrassed by citizen journalists and other progressive menaces who might crash the tea parties and "ask leading questions about immigration, President Obama, etc., to bait you into making comments they can paint as racist and show that you're uneducated and ignorant."

The memo also warns would be-victims that "teabagging" has strong sexual connotations and instructs protesters to be wary of anyone with a camera asking you if you are a "teabagger" or if you enjoy "teabagging." They are trying to make a fool of you!

Which should be very difficult to do with a bunch of insane, doomsday wackos running around dressed like Benjamin Franklin, carrying Obama=Hitler signs and chucking teabags at the White House.