Outbreak! Obama Hopes Republicans More Immune To Tax Evasion Super Bug

There is apparently some sort of super bug going around Washington causing those who are infected to suddenly remember the federal income taxes they forgot to pay all those years. Even odder is the fact that this mystery bug only seems to target Democratic politicians facing Senate confirmation for high-level posts in President Barack Obama's cabinet.

The first victim was of course Obama's treasury secretary nominee Timothy Geithner, whose "careless mistake" of forgetting to pay some $34,000 in back taxes almost derailed his confirmation hopes. Almost.

Luckily, Geithner's memory cleared up, and with his taxes all paid, he can assume his new job making sure other people don't make the same "honest" mistake he did.

But not before the virus infected its next victim, Health and Human Services Department nominee Tom Daschle, who is suddenly also "deeply embarrassed and disappointed" about his failure to pay more than $120,000 in taxes. Like Geithner before him, Daschle's mistakes in no way reflect upon his character or ability to do the job. Lucky for him, we have no idea what the hell that is anyway.

But just to be on the safe side, Obama has decided to reach across the aisle and nominate Republican Sen. Judd Gregg as his new Commerce Secretary. Which is probably a smart bet, since the new tax evasion bug seems to be a mostly Democratic outbreak.

Republicans, on the other hand, are usually more susceptible to the gay sex and constitution-trampling viruses, which luckily are not in peak season right now.

Hearty GOP Sen. Judd Gregg To The Rescue!?

Paulson Predicts No More Major Institutions To Fail; Public Braces For Certain Collapse

See Anything Out There, Buddy?

Uh-oh. Treasury Secretary and hapless soothsayer Henry Paulson told CNBC today that he is "expecting no other major institutions to fail."

Which means the s**t is about to hit the fan. Nothing against ol' Hank here, but his track record isn't exactly what I'd call comforting.

Sure, his previous prediction about the banking system being "safe and sound" was welcomed with the immediate collapse of the industry, including the demise of Bear Stearns, IndyMac Bank, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Lehman Bros., Washington Mutual and American International Group.

Then, Paulson's next bold prediction about how the banking system "has been stabilized" and "no other major institution risks failure" was of course also followed by the stunning downfall of banking giant Citigroup, but who's counting?

I mean it's not like the guy is never right.