The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
All That Glitters Isn't Gold; In Newt's Case, He's Still Dull, White, & Old
Newt Gingrich sure has had a tough week!
First, poor ol' Newt was forced to apologize to Wisconsin Republican Rep. Paul Ryan for calling Ryan's insane, screw-the-old-people budget "radical" (which it is), and explain to one enraged Teabagger after another how terribly sorry he is for his meany words, almost as terribly sorry that it all but ended his presidential ambitions, however petty & ridiculous it may have been.
But for some reason Newt and that weird, alien lady next to him, better known as Callista, or wonderful wifey #3, did not appreciate being glitter-bombed by some flaming fruit cake with a messenger bag or a message.
The glitter bandit was quickly pushed out of the room by an event organizer or employee of the vehemently anti-gay Minnesota Family Council and given what seemed to be a very firm, and very creepy, talking-to by the gentleman in a suit, as the rattled, newly sparkling, but otherwise unharmed Gingriches brushed confetti out of their laps and respective white "hairstyles."
Wait, all they did was remove the dude from the room and sternly shove him towards the elevator? Wow, talk about progress! This time last year, he'd be getting his head stomped on a sidewalk.
Guess things really do get better!
But either way, Newt's creepy, right-wing handler wants to know, "Have we ever disturbed one of your events?"
Ummm, well, let's see, you're trying to pass a state constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages, stop gays from visiting their dying partners in hospitals, bar them from adopting children, or enjoying the same rights and privileges as straight couples, but other than that, you're right, you've never thrown assaulted gays with glitter!
Glitter: the best way to piss someone off without causing injury, death, or brain damage, just a sparkling shine and slightly irritated skin!
Besides, the clean up shouldn't be too bad. Something tells me Callista already volunteered to roll up a Tiffany's receipt and start snorting the glitter. That way, she can feel all sparkly on the inside, too!