Saturday, May 7, 2011
How Do You Know You're In Alaska? The Writing's On The Wall!
Ah, Alaska, where the snow comes whipping down the plain and year-round, sub-zero winter causes pain!
The majestic land of scantily populated outcasts, grizzled mainland failures, migrating moose, and money-grubbing half-term governors of God 'n guns, whose idea of publicly funded art isn't a sidewalk mural or main street sculpture, but misspelled, grammatically incorrect chickenscratch scrawled on a bathroom stall at the Ted "The Internet is a Series of Tubes!" Stevens International Airport in Anchorage.
Move over, New York, avant-garde has gone North to Alaska!
Just check out the impromptu haiku of hate etched for all eternity with a permanent black magic marker, perhaps in an artistic nod to the permanently black magic Muslim illegally occupying the once-pure White House, along with the elitist, liberal replies of other Anchorage airport bathroom patron-artists:
OBAMA'S The problem
30 caliber Hollow point
is the answer
Racism dies a slow death
It’s okay to be conservative.
It’s a pity to be stupid.
Go back to Wasilla
Welcome to Art Interpretation 101, frozen wasteland edition!
Hmm, so the person, no, make that the Michelangelo, who graffitied the stall thinks Obama is "The problem," and naturally would like to eradicate the problem (aka kill the president of the United States) with the best, most lethal, maximum damage, internal organ, bone and tissue destroying bullets money can buy.
This is pretty much standard procedure for the state that very briefly elected to governor a woman who murders defenseless animals from airplanes in her spare time and puts crosshairs (err, excuse me, I mean surveyor's symbols) on pictures of her pretend enemies such as elected congresspeople from that other terrible, no-good, elitist political party.
Which brings us to the first peanut gallery response, "Racism dies a slow death," likely a comment on the obvious racism of the original statement, because everyone knows racism isn't anywhere close to receding, particularly in the wonderful frozen tundra of our Nothernly neighbor, Alaska, where the only things black are the bears and delicious, unrefined petroleum oozing into Prince Edward Sound.
As for the genius who thinks it's "okay" for people to be conservative, i.e., want nothing more than the president to be gunned down with "cop killer" bullets, but simply cannot stomach neglecting to properly punctuate the end of a sentence with a period, I say kudos! Never mind that this freelance artist/renegade restroom grammar patrol chose to add a period to the end of the second sentence, while completely ignoring the first sentence (“OBAMA’S The problem”), as well as the random use of upper- and lower-case letters and awful spelling/penmanship sprinkled throughout.
Apparently, “Stupid” is relative in Alaska.
Arguably the most succinct, cogent commentary on the Obama Hollow point death wish is “Go back to Wasilla,” which at this point, is pretty much all we can hope for.
That or the "For a good time call 1-800 BRISTOL" instruction written right above it delivers as promised.
On the bright side, at least foot-tapping isn't the only thing Republican men do in airport restrooms.
Quick someone tell Larry Craig, the pen is mightier than the sword, wink, wink!