Teabaggers to Feign Violent Death in Senate Offices Because of ???

It has been well over a month since intelligent, freedom-loving men and women from across this great land don their colonial best, polish their guns to glistening perfection, and march on Capitol Hill to toss teabags at our elected officials because of their plans to put Grandma out of her misery and also help average Americans not die simply for being poor.

But luckily for us, the Teabaggers have a brilliant new strategy to stop this out-of-control Congress hell-bent on Socialism. Which means next Tuesday it's the Senate's turn to feel the furious wrath of a teabagger scorned.

Real American folks will storm into Senate office buildings and exercise their right to act like a bunch of morons, by moaning and shrieking in agonizing pain before falling to the floor lifeless, as part of their ingenious "pretend to die" plan.

The latest call to arms from the Teabaggers' website, sponsored by former Republican House majority leader, freedom-fighting lobbyist and still-embarrassingly, albeit appropriately named, Dick Armey:

So here’s the plan. On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet in Washington, DC at the fountain in Upper Senate Park. From there we will march to the Senate offices, go inside, and demonstrate our opposition to the government takeover of health care. We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. The intention is to go inside the Senate offices and hallways, and play out the role of patients waiting for treatment in government controlled medical facilities. As the day goes on some of us will pretend to die from our untreated illnesses and collapse on the floor. Many of us plan to stay there until they force us to leave. A backup location for this demonstration will be announced if they block us from entering the offices.

We need as many of you as possible to be there to make our point loudly and clearly. Please make plans to attend. We know it’s a sacrifice to do this right before Christmas. But throughout history American Patriots have made far greater sacrifices than this to protect our liberty. Now the burden (and the honor) falls on us.

So please, please bring your best "death by _____" (fill in the blank with dreaded disease of your choosing) skills as part of this massive performance art piece to show America what happens when desperate nutjobs gather together to fake their deaths in collective unison for freedom.

But remember people, if you're going to pretend to go into hemorrhagic shock outside the office of Harry Reid, you better spend some time on WebMD so you know what you're talking dying about.

And no, death by chocolate does NOT count as a legitimate demise.

That said, shotgun on Ebola!

K Street Cupid: Blue And Red Go Pink

When it comes to advice on how to be sexy and romantic, who knows better than the Casanovas on Capitol Hill?

Like Obama transition chairman John Podesta whose idea of a red-hot Valentines consists of a steamy evening at a Catholic Charity Ball. Then? Home to "spend some time with his wife." Johnny, you little rascal!

George W. Bush's former White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card has his own idea of a wild night with the missus: Dinner. Nice, quiet conversation and lots of hand-holding. Wink, wink.

Rep. Chris Van Hollen is throwing out all the stops this Heart Day. We're talking roses, chocolates, and who knows, maybe a little champagne. If all goes well, he might even read her part of the sexy legislation he's been working on. Congressional resolutions always get her in the mood. Hottttt!

But that's nothing compared to the wild weekend getaway Rep. Dan Lungren has planned for this V-Day. He and his wife will rendezvous in California, where they'll meet "two close friends" for a weekend to remember. Those crazy Californians!

Looks like these Beltway Don Juans know how to stimulate a few things other than economy!