Fox News Celebrates The Birth Of America By Tweeting The Death Of Obama

Howdy, America! While you were temporarily freed from the shackles of your office cubicle in order to patriotically guzzle beer, shove burgers into your mouth, and light sparkly red, white, and blue trinkets that explode in the sky in celebration of our nation's Independence from elitist accents, crumpets, bad teeth the British, Fox News was busy reminding us all why their network is the most freedom-loving, fair & balanced, trusted name in news by falsely tweeting that President Obama was assassinated.

Oh wait, turns out much like Anthony Weiner's weiner, they too can't say with "certitude" if the obscene Tweets in question were in fact their own, or the fiendish work of some devilish hackers who coincidentally decided to declare war on the tyranny of Fox News JURNLIZM on the very day our forefathers declared war on the tyranny of the British colonial rule some 235 years ago by announcing the (hilarious?) death of our 44th president.

Which is sort of a creepy joke to make, huh? But how did everyone know these Tweets (aka Fox News' wet dreams in 140 characters) were indeed faker than Glenn Beck's gold coins?

Certainly, they were consistent with Fox News' policy of reporting nothing but the non-truth, the whole non-truth, and nothing but the non-truth, so help them God!

After all, Obama wasn't in Iowa as the posts said, NOR IS HE DEAD.

A group, vaguely aligned with Anonymous and calling itself the Script Kiddies, (for those who don't live in their parent's basements writing code, "script kiddies" is a pejorative term for wannabe hackers) claimed responsibility for hacking the Fox News Twitter account, saying the group was formed to take part in the anti-security industry movement "antisec."

As to why the group chose Fox News:

"We are looking to find information about corporations to assist with antisec," said the Script Kiddies representative. "Fox News was selected because we figured their security would be just as much of a joke as their reporting,"

Ooops! Guess they shouldn't have used 'NOBAMA DIE' as their password. Gosh, didn't Sarah Palin teach them anything???

Naturally, Fox News did everything it could to stop this vicious rumor from further spreading, except of course take down the Tweets in question, either because they don't know how, or it's just nice to dream sometimes, and vowed to investigate the incident.

“Hackers sent out several malicious and false Tweets claiming that President Obama had been assassinated. Those reports are incorrect, of course, and the president is spending the July 4 holiday with his family. The hacking is being investigated, and FoxNews.com regrets any distress the false Tweets may have created.”

Yes, Fox regrets any distress caused by the President continuing to be alive. Apologies to everybody. What they do not regret however is the resulting gazillion clicks on their website, likely from the grief-stricken joyous Fox News viewers desperately seeking that elusive certificate of live birth death.

Ya know, for certitude.

$arah Palin's Quest To Bring Down 22-Year-Old Cyber Menace Who Guessed Her Yahoo! Password Two Years Ago

Awful arctic drifter $arah Palin is apparently getting bored making boatloads of money by quitting her day job(s) so she can put all her energies into doing what she does best: nothing!

Except, of course, when using her vast political knowledge and expertise on all security matters to help bring to justice a terrible blight on humanity, an evil elitist college student who discovered her dumb e-mail password was easier to penetrate than daughter Bristol, and managed to upload a few screen shots to some obscure web forum, leading to a day or two of harmless pranks, thus compromising the security of the entire United States.

Sarah Palin testified Friday against a 22-year-old man accused of hacking into her e-mail account, saying later it's up to the judge to decide whether he should serve prison time if convicted.

Palin testified that the hacking compromised one of the main ways she communicated with her family back in Alaska as she campaigned in 2008 as the Republican vice presidential candidate. Outside the courthouse, when asked whether she thought community service was punishment enough rather than prison, she said, "That's up to the judge."

Former University of Tennessee student David Kernell faces up to 50 years in federal prison if convicted of identity theft, mail fraud and two other felony charges. His lawyer has called the case a prank, not a crime.

Asked outside court if she thought the charges against Kernell were excessive, Palin said, "I don't know, but I do think there should be consequences for bad behavior."

Like having a baby out of wedlock before graduating high school and being rewarded with a cushy job as president of your own PR firm as the harsh consequence of your careless actions?? Or something like that.

Either way, this type of criminal behavior must be stopped (at all costs!) before more innocent people get hurt by this out-of-control cyber madman hellbent on humiliating $arah and the entire precious Palin family by correctly guessing her incredibly easy e-mail password hint two years ago. Hooray!

The former Alaska governor testified that she used the "gov.palin" Yahoo account and a Blackberry for almost all communication with her family while campaigning as the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee.

Palin's husband, Todd, listened as she testified. Their daughter Bristol testified earlier this week that she got harassing calls and text messages after screen shots of e-mail from the account revealed her cell phone number.

A former Palin aide also described receiving vulgar e-mails.

Kernell isn't accused of the harassment. But prosecutors say he improperly gained access to Palin's e-mail account in September 2008 by correctly providing her birth date and ZIP code and correctly answering that Wasilla is where she met her husband.

The nerve of that guy Kernell, using the vast knowledge he acquired reading the first two sentences of her Wikipedia page to unlock the secrets of $arah's mind, and correctly answer "Wasilla High" as the super-secret place where she met her hunky husband Todd.

Surely, the CIA should know about this ingenious college code cracker, who could dismantle a nuclear bomb with his savvy ability to outsmart Yahoo's stealthy "Change Your Password Scheme" by guessing what mind-blowingly obvious password a vapid, former half-term governor would pick to ensure the highest levels of security for the free online e-mail service on which she conducts official state business, and other very important matters like the next high ranking Alaskan official to be blackballed for slighting her highness.

One would think $arah would simply be embarrassed that the so-called "hacker" was able to pull off the heist by possessing two widely available things: a knowledge that the series of tubes known as the Internets in fact exists, and a half hour or so of free time.

Most people would be, but not our sweet $arah!

Instead, $arah can reset her password to something a tad more challenging like lipstick, maverick, teabag, retarded, moose stew, Facebook, teleprompter, or, if she wants to be really secure, hopey-changey, and the hapless college student will probably rot in a jail cell for the next fifty years or so.

And $arah Palin will get even richer off this faux-victimization act, justice will be served, and all will be right in the world.

You betcha!