Holy Twit! Twitter Refuses To Verify Scott Walker's Account; But Was Able To Verify His Asshole Status

Famous people like Charlie "Tiger Blood" Sheen, Rahm "9½ Fingers" Emanuel, and Sarah "Lou" Palin have "verified" Twitter accounts, meaning their ghostwritten 140-character thoughts, ruminations, and random profanity-laced outbursts are honored with a little green check mark next to their name, proving that they are indeed the awesome celebrities they claim to be (or, at least, the publicity people or personal assistants actually responsible for Twatting the nonsense), and not just some middle-aged shmuck in his parent's basement banging away at the keyboard instead of an actual woman.

Then, there's union-gobbling Wisconsin Kochsucker Scott Walker, who, along with his dedicated staff, took a break from waging an unseemly Republican-fueled war on teachers, police officers, firefighters, and every other miserable middle-class sadsack without a trust fund in his or her name, to kindly request that Scott Walker’s stupid Twitter account be verified as the official celebrity account of Wisconsin's wretched new baseball bat-wielding, blue collar busting governor (of rich people), Scott Walker.

Turns out, much like the rest of the Badger State, the people over at Twitter apparently can't stand the bastard either, and basically told Walker to f-off without even needing all 140 characters to do it!

"We've tried to get the Governor's account verified through Twitter," said a spokesperson for Walker's office yesterday afternoon. The office sent a request to Twitter via fax on official letterhead last week to prove legitimacy of the @GovWalker account, the spokesperson told ClickZ News.
"With all the attention surrounding the Governor…it was kind of important for us to get his account verified. There are a lot of impersonations."
Yet, despite Walker's emergence on the national political stage in the midst of his fight with Wisconsin Senate Democrats and public unions, Twitter turned down the Governor's request.
"They sent us back a canned response" via fax stating the company is not currently verifying "for members of the public," said the spokesperson.

Excuuuuuse me?? Not verifying for members of the public?? How rude!! Sir Scott Walker isn't just some scumsucking, 9-5 schlubby "member of the public" who devotes his miserable life to trivial, unimportant things like teaching our public school children to read, write, and not get embarrassingly duped into saying dumb, terrible things by liberal bloggers posing as one half of the über rich, über evil rightwing duo affectionately known as the Koch Daddies Koch Brothers.

As if!

He just so happens to be the driving force behind Wisconsin's insane, one-man, full frontal assault on any semblance of fair pay or a decent life for the poor sops who make a living teaching your bratty kids how to make proper change for a dollar, not make a killing dumping toxic waste into our precious rivers and lakes.

He's Scott Walker, God damn it!

But c'mon, you understand don't you, Scott? Verify one random jerk and before you know it, you have to verify every random jerk with a Koch/Coke problem, be it the old-fashioned Charlie Sheen kind, or the equally intoxicating, just as pricey, pure, white Republican overlord kind.

But, don't worry, Scott, verified account or not, one thing's for sure: you're still a giant Twat!

Money Talks! Fake David Koch Prank Caller Discusses How Best To Crush Unions With Real Gov. Scott Walker. Their Answer: Baseball Bats!

Heartless, union-whacking Monster of the Midwest, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, is up to his neck in angry mobs of no-good, money sucking labor unions protestin' his brave new plan to restore fiscal sanity to Wisconsin by rolling back collective bargaining rights and reducing already meager salaries of police, firefighters, teachers and other freeloadin' public employees wastin' taxpayer money trying to teach li'l Johnny Algebra.

How rude! Amiright?

I mean, the nerve of those greedy union goons thinking billionaires, multimillionaires and high-flying corporate executives should actually pay silly, poor people things like income taxes, while they live large with their $50k a year, basic health insurance, and soon-to-be-revoked ability to collectively negotiate their salaries so they don't get screwed out of house 'n home by their new governor/corporate overlord.

But don't think for one minute this means Mr. Scott Walker, THE Gov. Scott Walker, is too busy dealing with disgruntled First Amendment-flexing citizens peacefully marching across Madison to talk to right-wing industrialist and secret Republican Czar David Koch for 20 minutes on the taxpayer-funded phone in his taxpayer-funded office.

Unfortunately for Walker, the “David Koch” he talked to for 20 minutes was actually just a liberal blogger named Ian Murphy putting on a funny rich-guy voice, and pretending to be an asshole with no morals who hates the middle class.

So is Scott Walker finally going to budge and let the workers of Wisconsin have their rights? No, no, don't be an idiot. He's going to brag about awesome ideas like pinning felonies on senators, or better yet, firing the darn rabble rousers who fled the state, sending "at risk" notices to state workers, and of course, taking a baseball bat to the heads of poor protesters, which is a wonderful way to, in fake David Koch's words, "crush that union."

Walker: Hi; this is Scott Walker.
Koch: Scott! David Koch. How are you?
Walker: Hey, David! I’m good. And yourself?
Koch: I’m very well. I’m a little disheartened by the situation there...Now you’re not talking to any of these Democrat bastards, are you?
Walker: Ah, I—there’s one guy that’s actually voted with me on a bunch of things I called on Saturday for about 45 minutes, mainly to tell him that while I appreciate his friendship and he’s worked with us on other things, to tell him I wasn’t going to budge.
Koch: Goddamn right!
Walker: …his name is Tim Cullen—
Koch: All right, I’ll have to give that man a call.
Walker: Well, actually, in his case I wouldn’t call him and I’ll tell you why: he’s pretty reasonable but he’s not one of us…
Koch: Now who can we get to budge on this collective bargaining?
Walker: …I’ve got layoff notices ready…
Koch: Beautiful; beautiful. Gotta crush that union.
Walker: [bragging about how he doesn't budge]…
Koch: Bring a baseball bat. That’s what I’d do.
Walker: I have one in my office; you’d be happy with that. I have a slugger with my name on it.
Koch: Beautiful.
Walker: [more union-bashing...]
Koch: Beautiful.
Walker: So this is ground zero, there’s no doubt about it.
Koch: Goddamn right! We, uh, we sent, uh, Andrew Breitbart down there.
Walker:Yeah.
Koch: Yeah.
Walker: Good stuff.
Koch: He’s our man, you know.
Koch: Now what else could we do for you down there? We’ll back you any way we can. What we were thinking about the crowd was, uh, was planting some troublemakers.
Walker: You know, well, the only problem with that —because we thought about that. The problem—the, my only gut reaction to that is right now the lawmakers I’ve talked to have just completely had it with them, the public is not really fond of this…[explains that planting troublemakers may not work.] My only fear would be if there’s a ruckus caused is that maybe the governor has to settle to solve all these problems…[something about '60s liberals.]…Let ‘em protest all they want…Sooner or later the media stops finding it interesting.
Koch: Well, not the liberal bastards on MSNBC.

Whoa, whoa, with all due respect, Mr. Koch, Scott happens to dig Morning Joe‘s Mika Brzezinski’s one good asset.

Walker: Oh yeah, but who watches that? I went on “Morning Joe” this morning. I like it because I just like being combative with those guys, but, uh. You know they’re off the deep end.
Koch: Joe—Joe’s a good guy. He’s one of us.
Walker: Yeah, he’s all right. He was fair to me…[bashes NY Senator Chuck Schumer, who was also on the program.]
Koch: Beautiful; beautiful. You gotta love that Mika Brzezinski; she’s a real piece of ass.
Walker: Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

But that's not all! Once Scott Walker's done acting like the Kool-Aid Man's hell version, if his gigantic pitcher were filled with hydrochloric acid instead of refreshing, frosty signature sugary red juice, he's got plenty of fun activities planned far, far, away from the frozen wasteland of shrieking poor people wearing cheddar wheels on their heads.

Koch: [Laughs] Well, I tell you what, Scott: once you crush these bastards I’ll fly you out to Cali and really show you a good time.
Walker: All right, that would be outstanding.

So true! We hear there are some good faux S&M lesbian strippers over there. Ya know, the kind Republican officials like.

That way, they can first hit up the nudie clubs and enjoy a nice strip tease from Cinnamon and Fantasia, before stripping away all their rights, benefits, and privileges, including their precious single dollar bills.

How else is Scott supposed to tip the hardworking unionized men and women carrying his designer Louis Vuitton luggage from the limo to the airport, huh?

With his own hard-earned money?

Sure, when hell freezes over.

Which, come to think of it, sounds exactly like Wisconsin these days!