Fox News Drops LL Cool J Faster Than You Can Say You Betcha!

If you're like every other warm-blooded, sentient being living on this swirling blue third planet from the sun, your natural reaction to hearing the news(?) that wandering snow grifter Sarah Palin and old school heartthrob LL Cool J would be sitting down together to talk about the Barracuda's brilliant new Fox News show, Real American Stories, was probably something along the lines of WTF (are those two going to talk about??) followed by, what kind of idiotic April Fool's joke is this anyway?

The answer is of course, no April Fools shenanigan at all, but rather just another piece of good ol' fashioned trickery by America's most trusted, fair and balanced news show, everyone's favoritest Fox News.

It is no secret, the sly folks over at Fox adhere to the strictest of standards when it comes to their journalistic integrity, which is why it comes as no surprise that instead of taking the time to conduct an actual interview like every other news organization (why bother?), Fox is falsely making it appear as though Mr. Cool J sat down with Sarah Palin for her terrible new special by lifting an old 2008 interview that he did with some person who is not-at-all Sarah Palin.

The promo for Sarah's new show says LL Cool J will share the "real story behind his incredible life," which would of course be cool (ha ha get it?) if it was in any way true, save maybe for the incredible life bit. Maybe.

So, like any wrongly misrepresented celeb would do, LL went straight to Twitter where he furiously tapped 150 characters that would change everything by blowing the lid off the whole Fox News operation.

"Fox lifted an old interview I gave in 2008 to someone else & are misrepresenting to the public in order to promote Sarah Palin's Show. WOW."

LL's spokesman Rhett Usry also issued a statement saying, "Contrary to what was reported, LL Cool J was never scheduled to be a guest on 'Real American Stories' with Sarah Palin this week. The show had planned to use an interview from 2008 that was being re-purposed without LL's permission."

"This statement is not a reflection of any feelings LL has toward Fox News or Ms. Palin, whom he has never met, rather a clarification of what we have seen published in the media."

Well, well Mr. Ungrateful over here clearly does not appreciate it when alleged "news" organizations attempt to do a nice deed like resuscitate some old, washed-up rapper/actor's sputtering career by pretending he had the distinct privilege of sitting down face-to-face with the single most important person in the whole wide world, Sarah Louise Palin of Facebook fame.

Of course, the obvious response from the esteemed representatives of the world's classiest news team was a swift "screw you Cool J," err...make that, James Todd Smith, since homey made his bed, he'll have to live with the consequences, which apparently also include being called by his proper name. How are the Ladies Lovin' you now, Todd?

Fox News' not-at-all passive aggressive statement about how they could care less if that washed up ingrate chooses to spurn sweet Sarah because he hates all women. Everywhere.

"Real American Stories" features uplifting tales about overcoming adversity and we believe Mr. Smith's interview fit that criteria. However, as it appears that Mr. Smith does not want to be associated with a program that could serve as an inspiration to others, we are cutting his interview from the special and wish him the best with his fledgling acting career.

Mama Said Knock You Out, but whoa seriously, I mean OUCH!!

Fledgling? Really??? Need I mention Deep Blue Sea and Halloween H20 or do the savvy Fox News hounds not do these elitist lamestream media things like movies?

Either way, the moral of the story is Twitter is the most amazing invention EVER, because first it turned Iran into a beautiful, blooming democracy and now it's worked its magic by turning Fox News into Dorothy.

Because, if there were a God, surely he'd have tossed on the ol' Wicked Witch digs, broomsticked straight into Fox News, looked Rupert Murdoch and/or Roger Ailes right in the eyes and hiss, "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!"

Woof?

Sarah Palin Ditches Facebook to Become True 21st Century Fox

If ya can't beat em, join 'em

Sarah Palin, who decided to up and leave her cozy, bear skin seat in Alaska's Governor's Mansion in order to bash the evil media 24/7 on Facebook, has now opted to throw in the towel on the social networking scene to join the dark side (along with the rest of her fellow washed-up wingnuts) as the latest contributor to the downfall of broadcast journalism as Fox News' brilliant, hot, new television pundit.

But, don't worry America, she's not selling out or anything because everyone knows Fox News isn't really news anyway. Oh, you betcha!

Now, America's most precious Alaskan import will be able to wail and moan about Obama's evil death panels (to murder Grandma and baby Trig) and the meanies from the McCain campaign who had the audacity to tell her to open a book before humiliating herself and the party in live debates on national television at the nation's top-rated cable news channel instead of through her very important Facebook page. Yay!

In a press release announcing the deal (Sarah doesn't do the whole "live" thing), Palin said she is is over-the-moon about the opportunity to be a contributor at Fox News.

"I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News. It's wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news."

Not to mention, a place that doesn't require the pesky liberal concoction known as facts.

Palin will appear as a commentator on various Fox shows and will also host an occasional program examining inspirational tales involving ordinary American citizens called "Real American Stories.

Ooooh, a real American story!! Since the Palins are the epitome of a normal American family, ya know, complete with a dysfunctional, loveless marriage, an unwanted teen pregnancy, a baby daddy pursuing his porn career posing in Playgirl, a snowmobiling secessionist father who calls himself First Dude, a rogue mother who is God's personal messenger on Earth, can see Russia from her front porch but isn't sure what the hell Africa is besides the name of the chart-topping single by 80s rockband Toto.

Unlike the rest of the anti-American socialist families out there whose kids actually go to college after high-school and aren't well-versed on all the delicious ways you can serve the freshly-skinned moose you just shot and gutted right outside your front door.

Weirdos.