Newt Gingrich Sorry 4 H8in' On NoBama. Jk, Lol!

Nuh-uh, no you didn't!

Adorable powder-haired human troll Newt Gingrich committed the Republican cardinal sin today when he admitted (gasp!) he was actually wrong on something. And not just on any something, but on a national security matter--the beloved lifeline of the GOP! Their number one area of expertise!

Which means he was also wrong on their other favorite pastime, indiscriminately bashing Barack Obama for whatever terrible sin he committed this time, because it is only acceptable to do these things (anything) when it is a Republican president in the White House. Get with the program here people!

Like when Newt Gingrich told John Stewart on the Daily Show last night that the Obama administration's decision to "mirandize" the Christmas Day underwear bomber (aka read him his rights, not toss him in a sewer with bloodthirsty rats), was a terrible, costly error likely resulting in another 9/11, at least! (Keep your fingers crossed?)

Of course, when Jon Stewart pointed out to Sir Newt that the same decision had been made under his beloved George W. Bush to mirandize fellow incompetent terror failure, shoe bomber Richard Reid, Gingrich's natural reply was that Reid was "an American citizen."

Only problem being that Richard Reid is actually a British citizen (which is sort of like an American historically, right?), thus undeserving of George W. Bush's kind words and the rights of the American justice system.

Luckily Newt Gingrich has seen the error of his ways (it only took 24 hours), and decided to tweet an apology in 140 characters or less via the Republicans' favorite contrition delivery service, Twitter.

Err, sort of. Thing is Newt(on) over here was thinking of convicted enemy combatant José Padilla, who unlike the British shoe-bombing bloke Richard Reid, happens to be an American citizen.

A very Mexicany-sounding American citizen (so, torture away!?).

Either way, the important thing is that "treating terrorists like criminals is wrong no matter who is 'Pres.'"

They should be treated like a rabid dog and shot on the spot.

Except of course when it is George W. Bush who is "Pres." Then clearly the administration knows best if and when to move Padilla from a military prison (three-and-a-half years later) to the criminal justice system and a civilian trial. That's why they call 'em the Deciders, silly!

Just like Newt explained back in 2005 when the U.S. was strong and good not weak and socialist.

"Bush was wrestling with what are the real ground rules for dealing with people who are clearly outside of normal warfare," Newt explained, suggesting that a criminal setting was appropriate for Padilla because it was the most effective at the time.

"[W]e don't have a good set of rules," he added.

So to be fair the Republicans now only follow one simple rule: whatever Barack Obama does is wrong and terrible and will likely end in a catastrophe of apocalyptic proportions.

Ummm, Gingrich 2012?

No Rest For The Weary: Obama and Co. Return Home From Hawaii

Well, well is this anyway to spend a vacation? Suddenly Mr. President of slacking thinks it's just fine to eat snow cones and spend time with his family while the rest of us losers are left freezing, bored, and terrified that the only thing separating us from fiery death 20,000ft above ground isn't our top notch homeland security, but rather the incompetence of a single virgin-crazed Nigerian.

At least Rush Limbaugh had the common decency to have a heart attack during his Hawaiian vacation.

Not our playboy president. Instead, spending fun-filled hours in the sun talking to NSC chief of staff Denis McDonough and Homeland security and counterterrorism adviser John Brennan about the Christmas Day bomber that failed to properly explode and how in Allah's name this al-Qaeda wannabe on the no-fly list managed to mosey his way onto a flight with some explosives in his undies and no one batted an eye until he turned into a badly burned bag of gourmet Jiffy Pop.


So welcome home, lazybones.

At least our last President knew how to take a vacation like a real, responsible commander-in-chief. It's the remaining 250 days a year that gave him trouble.

Delta: You'll Love the Way We Fly...and Thwart Terrorists

Busy year for Delta. They buy Northwest airlines and then almost get blown to bits, Richard Reid style, by some crazed Nigerian trying his very bestest to impress the Al Qaeda recruiters he's just positive have been checking out his mad terror skills.

Fortunately for everyone aboard Northwest flight 253 en route from Amsterdam to Detroit, his best wasn't quite good enough.

So this character, a 23-year-old rich, pretty boy named Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, already on the government's no-fly list (glad to see how well that's working out) and soon to be on Al Qaeda's no-use list, reportedly told investigators that Al Qaeda instructed him to detonate the explosives once over U.S. soil using a substance he acquired from Yemen that he taped to his leg to later mix with a syringe of chemicals that together with the powder would go ka-boom!

Ugh, he was thisclose too! Seriously, he was right on schedule, everything was going perfectly to plan, and just as he was about to make the plane land in Detroit in a million fiery pieces, some nosy passengers smelled smoke and heard what sounded like firecrackers, giving the impression that he wasn't simply wishing them a Merry Christmas Nigerian style, but rather a hot and violent death 20,000 ft above ground. Ho-ho-ho!

Good thing the quick-thinking travelers around Abdulmutallab heard enough popping, crackling and sizzling for their liking and quickly pounced on the incompetent bastard before he finally got around to figuring out how to successfully combust in order to please Allah.

With his plan foiled, the burned and tattered would-be jihadist was politely escorted (ha ha just kidding the psycho was tossed like a ragdoll) off the plane and into police custody where, after a the slightest FBI interrogation, he promptly divulged his top-secret plot to incinerate scores of civilians and thus screw 72 virgins for blissful eternity.

Passenger Jasper Schuringa, who was the first on the plane to tackle and subdue the suspect, said, "I basically reacted directly. When you hear a pop on the plane, you are awake. I just jumped. I didn't think, I just went over there and tried to save the plane – and we did."

Schuringa, who had burns to one of his hands, added, "A fire started under his seat. I was calling for water, water. But then the fire was getting a little worse. So I grabbed the suspect out of the seat, because, if there was any more explosives on him, that would have been very dangerous. And then the flight attendants came. We took him to first class and stripped him to make sure he had no more weapons on him."

"He was shaking. He didn't resist anything. It's just hard to believe that he was trying to blow up this plane. He was in a trance. He was very afraid."

You would be too if all of a sudden you realized you wouldn't be going to virgin heaven but a slightly less enticing paradise, Guantanamo Bay (Hey, Gitmo can still be fun, no?) or if you're really lucky, the winter wonderland of Thompson, Illinois.

Even scarier, he won't even have Daddy's credit cards to use anymore!!

Bet someone wishes he had done a little less praying and a little more paying attention in chemistry class over at University College London. Oops.

Instead, the only thing going Boom Boom Pow is the Black Eyed Peas song on his iPod.