Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Newt Gingrich Sorry 4 H8in' On NoBama. Jk, Lol!
Nuh-uh, no you didn't!
Adorable powder-haired human troll Newt Gingrich committed the Republican cardinal sin today when he admitted (gasp!) he was actually wrong on something. And not just on any something, but on a national security matter--the beloved lifeline of the GOP! Their number one area of expertise!
Which means he was also wrong on their other favorite pastime, indiscriminately bashing Barack Obama for whatever terrible sin he committed this time, because it is only acceptable to do these things (anything) when it is a Republican president in the White House. Get with the program here people!
Like when Newt Gingrich told John Stewart on the Daily Show last night that the Obama administration's decision to "mirandize" the Christmas Day underwear bomber (aka read him his rights, not toss him in a sewer with bloodthirsty rats), was a terrible, costly error likely resulting in another 9/11, at least! (Keep your fingers crossed?)
Of course, when Jon Stewart pointed out to Sir Newt that the same decision had been made under his beloved George W. Bush to mirandize fellow incompetent terror failure, shoe bomber Richard Reid, Gingrich's natural reply was that Reid was "an American citizen."
Only problem being that Richard Reid is actually a British citizen (which is sort of like an American historically, right?), thus undeserving of George W. Bush's kind words and the rights of the American justice system.
Luckily Newt Gingrich has seen the error of his ways (it only took 24 hours), and decided to tweet an apology in 140 characters or less via the Republicans' favorite contrition delivery service, Twitter.
Err, sort of. Thing is Newt(on) over here was thinking of convicted enemy combatant José Padilla, who unlike the British shoe-bombing bloke Richard Reid, happens to be an American citizen.
A very Mexicany-sounding American citizen (so, torture away!?).
Either way, the important thing is that "treating terrorists like criminals is wrong no matter who is 'Pres.'"
They should be treated like a rabid dog and shot on the spot.
Except of course when it is George W. Bush who is "Pres." Then clearly the administration knows best if and when to move Padilla from a military prison (three-and-a-half years later) to the criminal justice system and a civilian trial. That's why they call 'em the Deciders, silly!
Just like Newt explained back in 2005 when the U.S. was strong and good not weak and socialist.
"Bush was wrestling with what are the real ground rules for dealing with people who are clearly outside of normal warfare," Newt explained, suggesting that a criminal setting was appropriate for Padilla because it was the most effective at the time.
"[W]e don't have a good set of rules," he added.
So to be fair the Republicans now only follow one simple rule: whatever Barack Obama does is wrong and terrible and will likely end in a catastrophe of apocalyptic proportions.
Ummm, Gingrich 2012?