Sorry Gays, Virginia Is For Lovers, Not Sinners!

Renowned lover of Jesus and keeping women out of the workplace and in the kitchen where they belong, Virginia Governor Robert "Bob" McDonnell has decided to continue Christ's gospel of love, compassion, and equality by removing discrimination protections for gay and lesbian state workers in Virginia, apparently the state for deity-approved lovers only.

Rescinding the previous rainbow-tinted Democratic Gov. Tim Kaine's 'fair and inclusive' non-discrimination policy, which had been in place for four long, homo-lovin' years, Republican Bob McDonnell's new, slightly tweaked executive order prohibits discrimination "on the basis of race, sex, color, national origin, religion, age, political affiliation, or against otherwise qualified persons with disabilities, including veterans."

(Not so) subtly omitted from his list of prohibited discrimination practices is, of course, sexual orientation, because gays and lesbians are so universally beloved and revered, they don't need any extra protections in place. Especially in such an enlightened and progressive place as Republican-controlled Virginia.

Besides, a measure protecting gay and lesbian state workers from discrimination already passed the Democratic-controlled state Senate. Sure, it's all-but-certain to fail in the Republican-controlled House, but seriously how far do we need to go to accommodate these people? What makes them so God damn special? Next thing you know they'll be demanding to be treated like everyone else or something ridiculous like that.

All McDonnell's trying to do is keep the playing field evenly balanced. You know how rough life can be for heterosexuals in general, let alone in the former capital of the confederacy. No need to give those homos any more of an upper hand than they already have.

Not surprisingly, there are some people, namely the gays and those pesky liberal equality freaks, who are not at all pleased with McDonnell's decision to rollback gay rights as casually as Wal-mart rolls back prices.

Gay rights groups panned McDonnell's decision, calling the move a "sad" development that strips state workers of protections that they had under the last administration. Boohoo!

Former governor Tim Kaine's spokesman Hari Sevugan said McDonnell should be "ashamed" for the new policy, blasting the governor for pandering to the radical right's fear-mongering, hysteria, and demonization of homosexuality for their own political gain.

It says a lot about the Republican party that they would anoint as their 'rising star' someone who in 2010 is actually stripping away from Americans legal protections against discrimination. Bob McDonnell is proving his critics right. He said he'd focus on creating jobs, not social issues. But, one of his first acts as Governor was to make it easier for a fellow citizen to be denied a job and he did so as an adherent to a right-wing ideology that allows for such discriminatory behavior. McDonnell's decision is just plain wrong in any context, but especially so in this economic climate.

Whatever do you mean?

Gays and lesbians are already thisclose to taking over our Armed Forces, threatening the cohesion of our troops with their deviant lifestyles, freshly pressed uniforms and love of ensemble musicals.

The last thing the state of Virginia needs in these tough times is a bunch of fabulously dressed, half-naked homos sashaying through the streets of downtown Richmond atop bright, rainbow-colored pride floats blaring disco music and Barbara Streisand, as if the end of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" means the start of "Please Share, We Want To Know."

This is 2010 Virginia, God damn it, and Bob McDonnell intends to keep it that way!

You want Gomorrah 3123 B.C.? Head 345.9 miles northeast and follow the signs to New York City.