Guess what America? It's almost the most blessed time of the season, when all the cool kids who love freedom and hate taxes descend on Washington, DC to bitch about blacks and browns, and of course, Comrade Barry's socialist takeover of America during another rip-roaring weekend of Conservative Political Action Conference fun!
But this ain't your grandfather's CPAC! Because much like its off-the-hook, hip-hop Chairman of the Streets, Michael Steele, this year's CPAC is going X-TREME!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you "Epic Nights" at the XPAC Lounge, your one-stop shop for all the dopest pop culture personalities, entertainment, music, and laid back programming you need for a rockin' weekend of teabagging fun!
Whoever said conservative wasn't chic, obviously never got to hang in an XPAC lounge, dubbed the "hub of fun" by one hip organizer. Youth in da house, what what!
There will be video games and junk food and all the cool stuff kids really go for like Stephen Baldwin.
"We're gonna have the most popular games. There'll be Guitar Hero. There'll be Dance Revolution. There'll be Call of Duty," said Kevin McCullough, the radio host who created the XPAC Lounge with actor Stephen Baldwin.Ooooh, go on?
There will be icons of the right like Ann Coulter and her famous three-foot neck of freedom, hip-hop mogul and big pimpin' RNC Chairman Michael Steele, and even exciting fan favorites of yesteryear.
"I wouldn't be surprised if somebody of Joe-the-Plumber stature came in three times a day to come in and rally the kids," CPAC spokesman Ian Walters said.
Yay! America's favorite fake sanitary worker can tell all the kids how if they work really hard and pay attention in school, they can pretend to be a hard-working plumber too! No septic tank experience needed!
And like any hip, young conservative celebration worth its weight in teabags, there will be plenty of "hip-hop" and "conservative comedy" to keep 'em bumpin' and grindin' all night long.
'Cause here at the XPAC, it's all about the Benjamins...and the fun!
So while Lou Dobbs moans about how the Mexicans and poors are ruining America outside in the cold, the inside will be sizzlin' hot. We're talkin' Sarah Palin level!
Organizers are putting a premium on the fun factor. The lounge will be equipped with Nintendo Wii and Xbox and will feature about 10 video game stations, two with seven-foot screens. "Old school" games like air hockey and foosball will also be on hand.
It will be the scene of a late-night "rap/jam session" on Thursday and a conservative comedy lineup on Friday. FoxNews.com's Strategy Room will also be broadcasting from the XPAC Lounge.
Peeps just chillaxin,' playin Madden, shredding the axe, eatin' 'za, doin' cola, throwin' down beats, pumpin' the rap music, and just kickin' back, bustin' on big government, budget deficits, the whereabouts of that bully Barry's birth certificate, why marriage can only be between one man and one woman, whether you need to wear a cool Tucker Carlson bow tie to be a true conservative, and what a total buzzkill the Estate Tax is.
Throw your Lipton in the air if you're wit me, bros!
2 cool 4 Blue, GOP 4 Life! Holla!!