On this beautiful Presidents Day, most Americans are content to honor the February birthdays of the nation's first president, George Washington, who helped found the country, and the nation's 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, who helped keep the country together, by not going to work, school or the mailbox, and maybe even saving a few bucks on the new car or mattress they've been eying thanks to the obligatory holiday blowout sales.
This is what most normal people do on national holidays. Then there's people like Orange County's Wiley Drake and Arizona's Steven L. Anderson, who celebrate liberty and justice for all by praying to the heavenly father that the current illegal Kenyan President, Barack Hussein Obama, drops dead, hopefully by something natural like Ebola or a bullet to the brain. Yes, that sounds perfect.
In Wingnut circles, the hot, new, wholesome sounding, evangelical fad "Pray for Obama" is all the rage, appearing on bumper stickers, magnets, T-shirts, teddy bears and whatever other inanimate objects that racist nutjobs can desecrate and hawk to their equally pathetic congregants and any other ignorant white Christians afflicted by the Obama Derangement Syndrome, a terrible disease with no known cure or treatment that ravages the brain and senses 'til there's nothing left but gray and white mush in the shape of a cross.
Accompanying this patriotic "Pray for Obama" slogan is of course Psalm 109:8: "May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership" followed by "May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow."
Since no racist damnation would be complete without the obligatory Satan reference, rounding out this sick trifecta is the phrase: "If you have an evil leader above you, you pray that Satan will stand by his side and you ask God to make his children fatherless."
It's called the "Imprecatory Prayer" and can be found in tweets or emails, heard from pulpits throughout the south, and felt wherever else fringe lunatics gather to weep about the coming apocalypse at the hands of the chocolate-hued demon with the funny name who usurped power from the very same God-fearing white folks often seen at teabagger festivals, cross burnings, public lynchings, and all other beloved white Christian pastimes.
For Pastor Wiley Drake, who heads First Southern Baptist Church in Orange County, the Imprecatory Prayer is now a "DUTY" ever since God "answered his call" with the murder of Kansas abortion clinic doctor George Tiller in church last May.
"George Tiller was far greater in his atrocities than Adolf Hitler," Drake said at the time, "so I am happy. I am glad that he is dead."
This naturally was also a sign from God to add that "usurper that is in the White House...B. Hussein Obama" onto the list of the damned recited in his church on Sundays.
The eternal hellfire list includes Senator Chris Dodd, Senator John Ensign, Representative Barney Frank, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, Attorney General Eric Holder, Nancy Pelosi and, of course, President Obama, along with any other homosexual, socialist or other heretics who believe we evolved from apes instead of Adam's rib.
"We have listed here only a few of those that we are praying for," wrote Wiley, "first for their salvation in Jesus, and if they continue to deny God and do unrighteous things to our country we then agree with God that He take them out."
And he doesn't mean for a slice and scoop.
"I'm known as a birther, you know. I don't believe Obama was born in this country. He's an illegal alien and so forth," Wiley explained as matter-of-factly as a sane person commenting on the weather. "And so I began to pray what the Bible teaches us to pray and that is imprecatory prayer. An imprecatory prayer is very strong...Other Psalms say when they speak evil, God will break out their teeth and when they run to do destruction God will break their legs."
Like Jesus and Tony Soprano.
As the messenger of God's word here on Earth, Wiley knows there will be people who are offended by the idea of praying for death, be it president, pimp, or pope. But he doesn't let that bother him.
"I'm praying the word of God. I didn't write it. Don't get mad at me."
You don't choose divinity, divinity chooses you.
Much like paranoid schizophrenia, retardation, or the voices in your head.
Which brings us to preacher Steven L. Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona, whose level of insanity can be summed up by the fact that he makes Glenn Beck look like a perfectly balanced genius of humanity in comparison.
"I hate Barack Obama. You say, well, you just mean you don't like what he stands for. No, I hate the person. Oh, you mean you just don't like his policies. No, I hate him...I am not going to pray for his good. I am going to pray that he dies and goes to Hell."
And he is not ashamed of it, oh no people! The Lord has spoken and Pastor Anderson is heeding His call. Black Hitler must die! This black plague ravaging the White (and let's keep it that way) House must die. Wiped out, eradicated, annihilated, scrubbed clean from the face of the Earth. Or better yet, escorted to the edge of the Earth, where the world ends and tossed down to the dark abyss below.
You see, Anderson is so gifted at detecting Satan's spawn here on Earth that he generously offers parishioners a glimpse into his divine wisdom with his personal prayer and famous sermon, "Why I Hate Obama."
"Break his teeth, oh God, in his mouth, as a snail which melteth, let him pass away, like an untimely birth of a woman—that he thinks—he calls it a woman’s right to choose, you know, he thinks it’s so wonderful, he ought to be aborted. It ought to be, 'Abort Obama,' that ought to be the motto."
You go, Steven! You tell Barry the baby killer a thing or two about what is right (Christians) and what is wrong (everything else).
Especially gays, who should be promptly executed.
"The same God who instituted the death penalty for murders is the same god who instituted the death penalty for rapists and for homosexuals, sodomites, and queers!"
Guess God's go-to cure for homos, AIDS, lost its potency?
"If you want to know how I'd like to see Obama die, I'd like him to die of natural causes," Anderson explained. "I don't want him to be a martyr, we don't need another holiday. I'd like to see him die, like Ted Kennedy, of brain cancer."
How unbelievably thoughtful of you!
Gather the flocks, alert the faithful, for the Rapture is upon us!
Yes, Jesus walks among us my friends! Establishing the Kingdom of God on Earth in the form of two aesthetically opposite, equally insane Southern Baptist ministers with zero college education and an intense death wish for black presidents and non-closeted queers between them.
Ah yes, the Lord indeed works in mysterious ways.