Great Scott! Anything Can Happen When Brown Turns Blue...

Oh no, the end is near! Republican Great White Hope, one-time nude model, Scott Brown, who was supposed to ride his freedom truck to Washington, DC to save America from its socialist death slide, has instead voted with the tyrannical Democratic majority to destroy a Republican filibuster of the terrible, new $15 billion 'Jobs Bill' to bring the Bushwhacked economy back from the abyss.

Okay, so maybe we should have been slightly suspicious when he refused to wear clothes for that hoity-toity, elitist magazine cover, Cosmo something or other. But seriously Scott, aligning with the DEMONcrats on only your second Senate vote? For shame!

Is this what you think the good Teabaggers of Massachusetts had in mind when they trampled Teddy Kennedy's ol' bones, destroying decades of hard work and dedication in a revolutionary wave of racism and insanity, to ensure the rest of America doesn't have the kind of terrible, Socialist, government-run health care they currently enjoy?

I should certainly hope not!

But here we are, once again thisclose to condemning another one of evil Barry's awful bills to create jobs for Americans to slow death in filibuster hell (where it belongs), and this bleeding-heart hippie in Teabagger's clothes jumps ship, joining Democrats in order to move forward and allow actual debate on the bill. Gasp!

And as if that wasn't bad enough, four other alleged Republicans suddenly decided they too care about creating jobs for poor Americans who need them, even more than creating tax cuts for rich Americans who don't, and decided to join Brown over on the dark side called progress.

Republican turncoats, Sens. Susan Collins, Olympia Snowe, Kit Bond, and George Voinovich also bucked GOP leadership, instead siding with Democrats and rational thought, by giving Dems the 60 votes they needed to support the bill--and thus destroy everything we love about America, like unemployment, inflation, and rising costs of living.

But fear not Republicans, there's still plenty Brown can do for you! Especially when wearing a suit, refraining from inhaling the exhaust fumes from his truck, and flexing his brain instead of just his biceps.

In other words, when not forced to prove his conservative street cred to a bunch of morons named after the sexual act of choice of drunken frats and high school house parties, and dressed like Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and Alexander Hamilton if they were about to shoot a Snapple ad, in order to win a special election against a piece of driftwood by the name of Martha.

I came to Washington to be an independent voice, to put politics aside, and to do everything in my power to help create jobs for Massachusetts families. This Senate jobs bill is not perfect. I wish the tax cuts were deeper and broader, but I voted for it because it contains measures that will help put people back to work.

Hopefully, the kind that requires clothing.

It's Presidents Day! Guess The Only Patriotic Thing To Do Is Pray For Obama's Death Like A Good American

On this beautiful Presidents Day, most Americans are content to honor the February birthdays of the nation's first president, George Washington, who helped found the country, and the nation's 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, who helped keep the country together, by not going to work, school or the mailbox, and maybe even saving a few bucks on the new car or mattress they've been eying thanks to the obligatory holiday blowout sales.

This is what most normal people do on national holidays. Then there's people like Orange County's Wiley Drake and Arizona's Steven L. Anderson, who celebrate liberty and justice for all by praying to the heavenly father that the current illegal Kenyan President, Barack Hussein Obama, drops dead, hopefully by something natural like Ebola or a bullet to the brain. Yes, that sounds perfect.

In Wingnut circles, the hot, new, wholesome sounding, evangelical fad "Pray for Obama" is all the rage, appearing on bumper stickers, magnets, T-shirts, teddy bears and whatever other inanimate objects that racist nutjobs can desecrate and hawk to their equally pathetic congregants and any other ignorant white Christians afflicted by the Obama Derangement Syndrome, a terrible disease with no known cure or treatment that ravages the brain and senses 'til there's nothing left but gray and white mush in the shape of a cross.

Accompanying this patriotic "Pray for Obama" slogan is of course Psalm 109:8: "May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership" followed by "May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow."

Since no racist damnation would be complete without the obligatory Satan reference, rounding out this sick trifecta is the phrase: "If you have an evil leader above you, you pray that Satan will stand by his side and you ask God to make his children fatherless."

It's called the "Imprecatory Prayer" and can be found in tweets or emails, heard from pulpits throughout the south, and felt wherever else fringe lunatics gather to weep about the coming apocalypse at the hands of the chocolate-hued demon with the funny name who usurped power from the very same God-fearing white folks often seen at teabagger festivals, cross burnings, public lynchings, and all other beloved white Christian pastimes.

For Pastor Wiley Drake, who heads First Southern Baptist Church in Orange County, the Imprecatory Prayer is now a "DUTY" ever since God "answered his call" with the murder of Kansas abortion clinic doctor George Tiller in church last May.

"George Tiller was far greater in his atrocities than Adolf Hitler," Drake said at the time, "so I am happy. I am glad that he is dead."

This naturally was also a sign from God to add that "usurper that is in the White House...B. Hussein Obama" onto the list of the damned recited in his church on Sundays.

The eternal hellfire list includes Senator Chris Dodd, Senator John Ensign, Representative Barney Frank, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, Attorney General Eric Holder, Nancy Pelosi and, of course, President Obama, along with any other homosexual, socialist or other heretics who believe we evolved from apes instead of Adam's rib.

"We have listed here only a few of those that we are praying for," wrote Wiley, "first for their salvation in Jesus, and if they continue to deny God and do unrighteous things to our country we then agree with God that He take them out."

And he doesn't mean for a slice and scoop.

"I'm known as a birther, you know. I don't believe Obama was born in this country. He's an illegal alien and so forth," Wiley explained as matter-of-factly as a sane person commenting on the weather. "And so I began to pray what the Bible teaches us to pray and that is imprecatory prayer. An imprecatory prayer is very strong...Other Psalms say when they speak evil, God will break out their teeth and when they run to do destruction God will break their legs."

Like Jesus and Tony Soprano.

As the messenger of God's word here on Earth, Wiley knows there will be people who are offended by the idea of praying for death, be it president, pimp, or pope. But he doesn't let that bother him.

"I'm praying the word of God. I didn't write it. Don't get mad at me."

You don't choose divinity, divinity chooses you.

Much like paranoid schizophrenia, retardation, or the voices in your head.

Which brings us to preacher Steven L. Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona, whose level of insanity can be summed up by the fact that he makes Glenn Beck look like a perfectly balanced genius of humanity in comparison.

"I hate Barack Obama. You say, well, you just mean you don't like what he stands for. No, I hate the person. Oh, you mean you just don't like his policies. No, I hate him...I am not going to pray for his good. I am going to pray that he dies and goes to Hell."

And he is not ashamed of it, oh no people! The Lord has spoken and Pastor Anderson is heeding His call. Black Hitler must die! This black plague ravaging the White (and let's keep it that way) House must die. Wiped out, eradicated, annihilated, scrubbed clean from the face of the Earth. Or better yet, escorted to the edge of the Earth, where the world ends and tossed down to the dark abyss below.

You see, Anderson is so gifted at detecting Satan's spawn here on Earth that he generously offers parishioners a glimpse into his divine wisdom with his personal prayer and famous sermon, "Why I Hate Obama."

"Break his teeth, oh God, in his mouth, as a snail which melteth, let him pass away, like an untimely birth of a woman—that he thinks—he calls it a woman’s right to choose, you know, he thinks it’s so wonderful, he ought to be aborted. It ought to be, 'Abort Obama,' that ought to be the motto."

You go, Steven! You tell Barry the baby killer a thing or two about what is right (Christians) and what is wrong (everything else).

Especially gays, who should be promptly executed.

"The same God who instituted the death penalty for murders is the same god who instituted the death penalty for rapists and for homosexuals, sodomites, and queers!"

Guess God's go-to cure for homos, AIDS, lost its potency?

But before everyone gets their panties all in a twist over Anderson's 'imprecatory prayers,' just remember he never called for violence against Obama. Just disease.

"If you want to know how I'd like to see Obama die, I'd like him to die of natural causes," Anderson explained. "I don't want him to be a martyr, we don't need another holiday. I'd like to see him die, like Ted Kennedy, of brain cancer."

How unbelievably thoughtful of you!

Gather the flocks, alert the faithful, for the Rapture is upon us!

Yes, Jesus walks among us my friends! Establishing the Kingdom of God on Earth in the form of two aesthetically opposite, equally insane Southern Baptist ministers with zero college education and an intense death wish for black presidents and non-closeted queers between them.

Ah yes, the Lord indeed works in mysterious ways.

Is Scott Brown the White, Naked Version of Barack Obama the GOP's Been Waiting For?

Hahahahahahaha!!

What's that you hear? Oh, just the agonizing cries of Teddy Kennedy from six feet under as he watches his life's work be ripped to shreds by a male prostitute model who loves tea. Or is it bags?

Either way, the important thing here is that Massachusetts has taken a stand against America's precarious slide toward Socialism and the preposterous idea that every citizen deserves access to affordable, quality health care. Puh-lease! That's reserved for the good people of Massachusetts and them alone, thank you very much!

You see, here in the homo haven of Taxachussetts, they already have mandatory health coverage (the best in the nation!) so to be honest they don't really give a hootenanny what happens to the rest of you poor, pathetic schlubs. No offense or anything.

It's true! Why else would dumb Massachusetts want to replace its southern neighbor Connecticut as the worst thing to happen to these United States since unleashing that Joe Lieberman disease upon the world?

Certainly, there must be some reasonable explanation why the most liberal state in all the land just elected a gas guzzling, truck-drivin' Republican with a penchant for baring it all in glossy magazine spreads as the newest Senator to go to Washington to enact change by refusing to cooperate with that colored man on any plans he may have to achieve said change. This is a non-negotiable rule and oath every proud Grand Old Party member must take before serving the people as their elected obstructionist representative.

So the big question for Democrats becomes what to do now that their precious supermajority is no more? Should they simply concede victory to the Republicans and hand over complete control of the White House and Congress now instead of dithering around until the actual elections officially hand them their unceremonious exits?

In fact, since this means the end of health care reform as we know it (a retarded three-toed sloth), and certainly the end of that dismal FAILURE Barack Obama's 365-day disaster, why doesn't Scott go ahead and assume his rightful place as the exciting, new president of these United States?

He has all the necessary criteria: like our current commander-in-chief, he's a formerly unknown state senator catapulted into the national stage by getting elected to the U.S. Senate. He's got mad sex appeal, is young, fun, and knows a thing or two about wooing the ladies. Plus, unlike many of his Republican brethren, he is not a closeted homosexual trolling for anonymous man tail in Minneapolis airport men's rooms. Or at least, so far.

Clearly, his unprecedented success at defeating a terrible candidate in a wild, teabagger-fueled anti-incumbent (and anti-government) wave of hysteria means this man is ready to lead the country, effective immediately.

Hell, why not just swear the guy in now and save everyone the trouble of having to actually vote. That way, we can immediately begin repairing the 12-month catastrophe of Barack Obama and those terrible Democrats, and get things back to George W. Bush's blissful eight-year reign of peace and prosperity, nostalgically referred to as Pax Republicana.

Then I think we can all say Mission Accomplished!

Scott Brown Blames Those With Ears For Dumb, Stupid Scott Brown Comments

Pretend moderate and former Cosmo nudie model Scott Brown is doing his best to blow any and all chance of snagging Ted Kennedy's coveted senate seat, thus relieving the good people of Massachusetts from years of elite liberal oppression.

Being in the über-liberal queer paradise of Massachusetts, Scott Brown may be smart enough to pretend he's never so much as heard of that rag-tag group of freedom fighters affectionately known as teabaggers, but he's apparently too dumb to realize that calling the President of the United States a bastard may not be the best way to win a one-way to ticket to Washington to attend to the very important task of derailing health care reform and spitting on the grave of Ted Kennedy.

Here is the lovely, albeit fully-clothed, Mr. Brown during the 2008 Republican convention, defending the "good, core values" of Mother-of-the-Year Sarah Palin, whose savvy parenting skills include just one unwed, pregnant teenage daughter, out of three possible chances. Which Scott thinks is pretty darn good!

Unlike that illegitimate lovechild Barack Obama whose shadeball parents probably weren't even married when they popped out li'l Barry somewhere in the Kenyan wilderness.

BROWN: And quite frankly, Barack’s mom had him when she was, what, 18 years old?

GUEST: And married!

BROWN: Hahahaha, well, I don’t know about that.

HAHAHAHAHAHA, a real hoot! Semi-black illegals don't do normal AMERICAN things like exchange vows, but okay, whatever you say about Obama's parents being "married" and all. Sure, he'll buy it. Wink, wink.

But wait! What's this latest response from Scott Brown spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom about Obama being born (or possibly even hatched) out of wedlock?

"He doesn’t believe that. This is more desperate campaigning from Martha Coakley. When she isn't calling for higher taxes, she's making things up about Scott Brown."

She's even transforming herself into a 51-year-old one-time supermodel in order to make Mr. Nice Guy Scott Brown look like some sort of mindless fool on national teevee!

It's all Martha's fault, of course! She's the one who dressed in drag and went on air to say those terrible things about Barry's family. Not sweet, Scott! COAKLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But for some strange reason, the Dems aren't buying what Scott's selling, with DNC spokesman Hari Sevugan firing back at the latest nonsensical claim by Republican strategists:

"Why did he say it then? Whether it's on this issue, or choice or taxes, Scott Brown has a disturbing and telling history of saying one thing at one time, and another thing later on. The only thing that's clear is that Scott Brown is not who he says he is."

You mean a male model?? Well, excuuuuse him for being humble and not wanting to make everyone else look bad.

Being really, really ridiculously good looking isn't his fault. Must be that dang Martha again!

Battle for the Bay: Martha Coakley vs. Scott Brown

What Can Brown Do For You? Other Than Kill Health Care and Ruin America...

Scott Brown, So Conservative, Yet So Cosmo!

Oh no-zees! Democratic nerves have hit an all-time high (at least for this year) over the ever-so-close Senate race in the original birthplace of the teabagger, Massachusetts.

These nervous nellie Dems have decided it's time to hit the panic button and break out the big gun to win next Tuesday's do-or-die Senate race in Massachusetts.

Translation: It's time for Barry to head down to the land of gays and taxes to once again save the Dems from a toxic combination of their own incompetence and a Republican wet dream by the name of Scott Brown.

You see, Martha Coakley, Ted Kennedy's heir apparent and supposed shoe-in for Massachusetts' now vacant Senate seat, is in danger of losing her fancy shmancy liberal laces--marking the first Democratic boot by Republicans since the 1950s. Gasp!

Because if Coakley loses, then Democrats lose their 60-seat majority (cause they've been so effective with it??) in the Senate, and health care will likely be nothing more than the dying gasps of opportunity lost and Grandma as her creaking, ol' uninsured bones are tossed out the hospital door.

So the Dems have decided to do what they always do when there's problem they can't solve (no, not Maria silly, Republican senate hopeful Scott Brown): call in Barry to make it all better!

Hooray!

In this case, that means stop the sudden momentum of thorn-in-the-side Republican impostor Scott Brown, who is hoping (and praying no doubt) that the good people of Massachusetts suddenly forget they don't do the whole "Republican" thing and come out en masse to vote for him next Tuesday. Or just the older, more racist Massachusetts crowd. That'd be fine too. Either way.

But wait, what's this you say, Scott? You're not a real Republican? Because no Republican would ever get elected from the gay mecca of Taxachusetts, especially with the Grand Old Party's insistence upon 'round the clock racism, homophobia, and lightly veiled threats of violence against the government.

"The allegation that I vote 96 percent of the time with Republicans is inaccurate, but I'm proud of the fact that I’ve stood up against out-of-control spending and taxation in Massachusetts," he said.

He also claimed that he was unfamiliar with the "Tea Party movement," when asked by a reporter. Ha ha, whatever you say, Scotty!

And when told that different people labeled him a conservative, moderate and a liberal Republican, he responded "I'm a Scott Brown Republican."

The kind who snags Cosmopolitan magazine's very important "America's Sexiest Man" centerfold almost three decades before running around trying to steal a dead man's senate seat so he can kill the one piece of legislation said dead person dedicated his entire life to achieving.

Ya know, the good kind of Republican.

Mike Huckabee Suspects Journalism Is As Dead As His Career

What in the world could be in worse shape than the loose, flabby skin on the once morbidly obese body of Mike Huckabee? Why, it's the sorry state of Journalism, of course!

Former rotund Arkansas GOP Governor-turned Fox News talk show host Mike Huckabee went on the last trustworthy news network on the planet to vent about the terrible demise of the press (excluding Fox News of course), which has been reduced to "ink-stained drivel that smeared the pages of paper and the people who attempted to read it."

"I'm sad to report today a death of a good friend to all of us…..Journalism," Huckabee wrote on his political action committee's blog. "The once esteemed 4th estate of our nation and the protector of our freedoms and a watchdog of our rights has passed away after a long struggle with a crippling and debilitating disease of acute dishonesty aggravated by advanced laziness and the loss of brain function."

Wait a minute, Huck! You're not saying being a Republican is contagious, are you??

As evidence for his heart-felt eulogy of the media, Huckabee looked no further than the recent coverage of his totally appropriate and completely innocent remarks about how Sen. Ted Kennedy would have been told to "go home to take pain pills and die" if that demonchild Barack Obama had his way on health care.

"Bloggers and other supposedly professional journalists then took those already distorted interpretations, treated them as sources, and added their own spices," Huckabee said. "Newsweek even had the audacity to use quote marks around a statement never even uttered as if it were my actual words."

Which they were, had they been published by a real source like the National Review, instead of a washed-up rag of liberal propaganda like Newsweek.

"Journalism had grown increasingly dependent on spin-doctor spoon feeding and the circular and insular quoting of other journalists instead of attempting to locate and quote actual first person sources," Huck said, adding that, "No memorial is planned as the practitioners of propaganda seem to be unaware that they have passed away and continue to publish anyway."

In other words, what sweet ol' Huck doesn't understand is why no one ever wants to write about him, except maybe to make fun of him for being stupid. And fat. Aw, snap!

Bush The Elder Just Says No To Kennedy's Boring Funeral

George H.W. Bush, the spry 85-year old oil baron father of freedom-fighting cowboy Dubya, may have enough youthful energy to skydive out of plane some 20,000 ft in the sky each year on his birthday, but apparently does not have the stamina to attend Sen. Ted Kennedy's funeral, even though every other living president will be there.

A spokesman for Bush the Elder said the 41st president and his wife Barbara decided not to attend Kennedy's funeral because for some reason the old coot feels his "son's presence will amply and well represent" the family on Saturday. Boo-ya!

However, he did find enough time to release a statement following Kennedy's passing about how he "always respected" that liberal lion Ted.

"While we didn't see eye-to-eye on many political issues through the years, I always respected his steadfast public service," Papa Bush said. "He was a seminal figure in the United States Senate--a leader who answered the call to duty for some 47 years, and whose death closes a remarkable chapter in that body's history."

But that still doesn't mean he's gonna waste his time paying final respects to the guy or anything. Puh-lease! Not when he has his retirement to enjoy. Besides, he sent the next best thing.

Give Junior something to do besides moping around Dallas, cursing about Dick Cheney to anyone who'll listen, which pretty much means Miss Beazley and Barney have been getting an earful!

How The Hell Did Mike Huckabee Not Win Past Iowa?

Former double bacon cheeseburger loving Arkansas governor and messenger of God Mike Huckabee knows a few things about logic and good taste. (Especially the latter, because, trust me, you don't get to be 300 lbs without it).

Which is why it comes as a total shock that he would defy both of them on his radio show, The Huckabee Report, by accusing those awful Democrats of trying to use Kennedy’s death to rally support for the President's terribly socialist health care reform package. The nerve!

"Senator Ted Kennedy’s death had barely hit the news before we started hearing calls that Congress must hurry and pass a health care reform bill and do it in his memory," he said. "That not only defies good taste, it defies logic."

Sure does Huck! We haven't even rolled his old bones into the ground yet and already the Dems are selfishly trying to use the memory of a man whose life work was dedicated to reforming health care as one more reason to actually pass health care reform.

"We certainly can and should respect his years of advocacy and work for things that he truly believed in," he added. "But easily the worst reason to do it is in the name of someone who gave us the most shining example of why this particular bill is so bad."

Wait, what the Huck did he just say?

"[I]t was President Obama himself who suggested that seniors who don't have as long to live might want to consider just taking a pain pill instead of getting an expensive operation to cure them," Huckabee said. "Yet when Sen. Kennedy was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at 77, did he give up on life and go home to take pain pills and die? Of course not. He freely did what most of us would do. He choose an expensive operation and painful follow up treatments."

You hear that people? He did exactly what "most of us" Americans who are as rich as Kennedy would do: paid for the bestest, most expensivest treatment available. That's one of the advantages of being a Kennedy, you have so much money, you don't need to "go home to take pain pills and die" like you would under NObama's plan. You get options.

Using this airtight logic, Huck has come up with a few ideas of his own for solving the whole health care crisis the Dems keep squawking about.

"A better way to honor Ted Kennedy would be if every American has access to the latest private health care as good as what senators receive.”

That's a brilliant idea and will work perfectly too, because what American isn't as rich Ted Kennedy or Mike Huckabee for that matter?

Problem solved. But for those few povs out there (unlike the rest of us Kennedys and Huckabees), there's always the old-fashioned, 1-2-3 punch to cure disease: the All-American alcohol-pills-gunshot-to-the-head combo!

Liberal Lion Ted Kennedy Roars No More

Oh no! Ted “Edward” Kennedy, longtime liberal lion of the Senate and relative of all the assorted other famous Kennedys, has finally succumbed to a combination of old age and brain cancer.

Which is really sad, though with the whole health care debate raging, it must be said the man could not have picked a more inconvenient time to die.

So now that the question of what to do about Ted Kennedy's vacant senate seat is no longer a rhetorical one, the big question becomes whether the folks in Massachusetts will heed Teddy's last request begging the governor and state lawmakers to change that terrible succession law (calling for a special election FIVE MONTHS after a senate vacancy) to guarantee that the fine citizens of Taxachusettes will not lack a senate seat come vote time.

Well it seems legislators are finally starting to come around and warm up to the idea of scrapping the whole mandatory five-month wait thing because no one wants to be held responsible for singlehandedly killing the chances of a health care reform bill passing and spitting on the last wishes of a dying man.

So while the world mourns the passing of a true American hero and one of the last remaining champions of the downtrodden, mighty liberal God Ted Kennedy, America can be happy knowing his death was not in vain.

Republicans, most of whom have spent the better part of the last two months or so fighting against Comrade Barry's Nazi plot to bring affordable health insurance to all Americans, will no longer be able to fight against the pure socialist evil known as universal health care, now that it will likely be renamed the Teddy Kennedy Memorial Bill.

And what kind of heartless monster could say no to that?

No one unless they hate Ted Kennedy, whose remarkable 50-year service as the "Lion of the Senate" cemented his status as a progressive God, and saw him spearhead such progressive causes as overturning Reagan’s veto of the anti-apartheid sanctions in South Africa, preventing a certifiable lunatic like Robert Bork from sitting on the Supreme Court, and numerous other bills to help the "needy" like children, the disabled, immigrants and those afflicted with the AIDS and cancer. And let's not forget his most important contribution to society: giving the Obama girls a magic dog!

God, we're gonna miss this guy. And to think, all Strom Thurmond ever did was live to 100 and still hate black people!

John McCain In Race Against Obama's Evil Plug-Pulling Death Squads

Poor Gramps McCain. He can't do anything right! Just when he finally understands the whole health care reform debate enough to discuss it publicly without sounding like a walking advertisement for Alzheimer's research who'll likely be dead by the time it passes anyway, that rascal Barack Obama swoops in and snatches away his thunder yet again.

So Johnny finally grows some balls and makes an appearance on "This Week with George Stephanopoulos" to give America an exciting dose of the old straight talk express, health care edition. If there's one thing McCain understands other than whooping Vietcong ass, it is the exorbitant cost of medical care in this country--especially for people who don't have frigid, young, beer heiresses for wives.

Which is why it really is a shame about poor Sen. Ted Kennedy being too sick with brain cancer to participate in negotiations and all, because if he were healthy, John McCain knows health care legislation would cruise through Congress quicker than a war resolution in the wake of 9/11.

"He had a unique way of sitting down with the parties at a table and making the right concessions, which really are the essence of successful negotiations," McCain said. "So it's huge that he's absent, not only because of my personal affection for him, but because I think the health care reform might be in a very different place today."

See, it's all Teddy's fault he got sick and made all the Republicans turn into a bunch of obstructionist assholes who'd rather see the whole nation die of small pox than Barry get his stupid "universal" health plan passed.

But since there's nothing we can do about that, McCain has another brilliant suggestion for a certain President whose name is Barry when it should have been John if he wants to reach congressional agreement on health care: kill the whole "public" option part of the reform plan.

That way, 46 million Americans will still be without health insurance, the current system can continue draining our nation's resources and bankrupting the economy, costs can keep skyrocketing out of control, but at least Obama can be proud of his bipartisan health care legislation reforming not a broken system that hurts hardworking Americans, but the way Congress feels about itself. Because isn't that what's important here?

Well meany Obama has had enough of the GOP's propaganda machine spewing nonsense about government-run death panel brigades to kill Grandma, encouraging armed town hall debates, and equating affordable health coverage for all Americans with the Nazis' policy of exterminating Jews. It's giving him a bad name.

But since he thinks health care is sooooo important, more important even than ensuring sensitive flowers like John McCain and Charles Grassley do not get their feelings hurt, Obama has decided to go it alone.

After "bending over backward" to create a bipartisan bill and "getting almost nothing in return for it", President Obama is ready to "consider alternatives" like ignoring the loser party of obstructionists and instead use his Democratic supermajority to pass health care reform, whether those damn Republicans like it or not.

Someone better warn Gramps McCain his days are numbered.

In Rush We Trust?

In his usual classy style, Mr. Sensitive Rush Limbaugh held a reasonable, informative discussion about health care reform by predicting the imminent demise of one of it's most outspoken champions, Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA), who also happens to be suffering from a malignant brain tumor.

On his radio show Friday, the ever brilliant Rush first blasted that demon child Barack Obama for shifting attention away from the financial crisis to instead focus on some unimportant issue no one cares about like health care.

Obama is of course only doing this so his approval numbers stay high and that great liberal lion Teddy Kennedy can finally see his life's work come to pass before he hits the old dusty trail to eternity. Not because health care is important to Americans or related to the economy or anything like that.

Take it from Rush. Before it's all over, the economy will still be in shambles since Comrade Barry has no idea how to run a country except into the ground, but at least the Democrats will get their precious little "Ted Kennedy Memorial Health Care Bill" or some other ridiculous legislation giving Americans access to the affordable, quality health care that no one wants.

Instead of giving America what it really needs, which is a fat, washed-up college drop-out with more chins than ideas ranting incoherently about how to save this country from the last eight years of his own party's disastrous rule.

Taming The Lion, Limbaugh Style