Bush The Elder Just Says No To Kennedy's Boring Funeral

George H.W. Bush, the spry 85-year old oil baron father of freedom-fighting cowboy Dubya, may have enough youthful energy to skydive out of plane some 20,000 ft in the sky each year on his birthday, but apparently does not have the stamina to attend Sen. Ted Kennedy's funeral, even though every other living president will be there.

A spokesman for Bush the Elder said the 41st president and his wife Barbara decided not to attend Kennedy's funeral because for some reason the old coot feels his "son's presence will amply and well represent" the family on Saturday. Boo-ya!

However, he did find enough time to release a statement following Kennedy's passing about how he "always respected" that liberal lion Ted.

"While we didn't see eye-to-eye on many political issues through the years, I always respected his steadfast public service," Papa Bush said. "He was a seminal figure in the United States Senate--a leader who answered the call to duty for some 47 years, and whose death closes a remarkable chapter in that body's history."

But that still doesn't mean he's gonna waste his time paying final respects to the guy or anything. Puh-lease! Not when he has his retirement to enjoy. Besides, he sent the next best thing.

Give Junior something to do besides moping around Dallas, cursing about Dick Cheney to anyone who'll listen, which pretty much means Miss Beazley and Barney have been getting an earful!