Saturday, August 8, 2009

Jenny Sanford Is So Outta Here!

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can He Turn To?

Long-suffering Stepford wife Jenny Sanford has finally said good riddance to her no-good, two-timing, scoundrel of a governor husband, Mark Sanford, announcing she is moving the hell out of the Governor's Mansion and taking her four sons to Charleston. For real!

Jenny's surprise "F You" to hubby Mark comes upon the family's return from their joyous two-week vacay across Europe to patch things up one month after Gov. Sanford tearfully admitted that "hiking on the Appalachian Trail" really meant banging his hot Argentine mistress in a cozy Buenos Aires motel some 4,933 miles away from the nagging wifey and kids.

Soooo, umm I guess you could say the trip didn't go so well?

"I am so thankful for the overwhelming support and prayers we have received from people all across South Carolina. I am literally in awe of how blessed we are to have such love and support from family and friends, old and new."

"It is with this support, and after much careful and prayerful consideration, that I have decided to move back to our home in Charleston with our sons for the upcoming school year. From there, we will work to continue the process of healing our family."

Like finding a husband who is not a total douchebag.

"While we will be leaving Columbia, we will return often, and I will remain engaged in activities in my role as first lady, acknowledging that my responsibilities to my family come first."

Unlike some two-faced, good-for-nothing, drama queen governors who shall remain nameless.

"Once again, when it comes to personal family matters like this, I respectfully ask that members of the media allow us to go on with our lives in peace."

Hear that MEDIA? Stop making her husband shirk all responsibilities as governor of South Carolina in order to rendezvous with his Latina lover and then hold endless, weepy press conferences about how God loves cheating Republican hypocrites who run their state--and marriage--into the gutter.

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