Scott Brown Blames Those With Ears For Dumb, Stupid Scott Brown Comments

Pretend moderate and former Cosmo nudie model Scott Brown is doing his best to blow any and all chance of snagging Ted Kennedy's coveted senate seat, thus relieving the good people of Massachusetts from years of elite liberal oppression.

Being in the über-liberal queer paradise of Massachusetts, Scott Brown may be smart enough to pretend he's never so much as heard of that rag-tag group of freedom fighters affectionately known as teabaggers, but he's apparently too dumb to realize that calling the President of the United States a bastard may not be the best way to win a one-way to ticket to Washington to attend to the very important task of derailing health care reform and spitting on the grave of Ted Kennedy.

Here is the lovely, albeit fully-clothed, Mr. Brown during the 2008 Republican convention, defending the "good, core values" of Mother-of-the-Year Sarah Palin, whose savvy parenting skills include just one unwed, pregnant teenage daughter, out of three possible chances. Which Scott thinks is pretty darn good!

Unlike that illegitimate lovechild Barack Obama whose shadeball parents probably weren't even married when they popped out li'l Barry somewhere in the Kenyan wilderness.

BROWN: And quite frankly, Barack’s mom had him when she was, what, 18 years old?

GUEST: And married!

BROWN: Hahahaha, well, I don’t know about that.

HAHAHAHAHAHA, a real hoot! Semi-black illegals don't do normal AMERICAN things like exchange vows, but okay, whatever you say about Obama's parents being "married" and all. Sure, he'll buy it. Wink, wink.

But wait! What's this latest response from Scott Brown spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom about Obama being born (or possibly even hatched) out of wedlock?

"He doesn’t believe that. This is more desperate campaigning from Martha Coakley. When she isn't calling for higher taxes, she's making things up about Scott Brown."

She's even transforming herself into a 51-year-old one-time supermodel in order to make Mr. Nice Guy Scott Brown look like some sort of mindless fool on national teevee!

It's all Martha's fault, of course! She's the one who dressed in drag and went on air to say those terrible things about Barry's family. Not sweet, Scott! COAKLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But for some strange reason, the Dems aren't buying what Scott's selling, with DNC spokesman Hari Sevugan firing back at the latest nonsensical claim by Republican strategists:

"Why did he say it then? Whether it's on this issue, or choice or taxes, Scott Brown has a disturbing and telling history of saying one thing at one time, and another thing later on. The only thing that's clear is that Scott Brown is not who he says he is."

You mean a male model?? Well, excuuuuse him for being humble and not wanting to make everyone else look bad.

Being really, really ridiculously good looking isn't his fault. Must be that dang Martha again!

Battle for the Bay: Martha Coakley vs. Scott Brown

What Can Brown Do For You? Other Than Kill Health Care and Ruin America...

Scott Brown, So Conservative, Yet So Cosmo!

Oh no-zees! Democratic nerves have hit an all-time high (at least for this year) over the ever-so-close Senate race in the original birthplace of the teabagger, Massachusetts.

These nervous nellie Dems have decided it's time to hit the panic button and break out the big gun to win next Tuesday's do-or-die Senate race in Massachusetts.

Translation: It's time for Barry to head down to the land of gays and taxes to once again save the Dems from a toxic combination of their own incompetence and a Republican wet dream by the name of Scott Brown.

You see, Martha Coakley, Ted Kennedy's heir apparent and supposed shoe-in for Massachusetts' now vacant Senate seat, is in danger of losing her fancy shmancy liberal laces--marking the first Democratic boot by Republicans since the 1950s. Gasp!

Because if Coakley loses, then Democrats lose their 60-seat majority (cause they've been so effective with it??) in the Senate, and health care will likely be nothing more than the dying gasps of opportunity lost and Grandma as her creaking, ol' uninsured bones are tossed out the hospital door.

So the Dems have decided to do what they always do when there's problem they can't solve (no, not Maria silly, Republican senate hopeful Scott Brown): call in Barry to make it all better!

Hooray!

In this case, that means stop the sudden momentum of thorn-in-the-side Republican impostor Scott Brown, who is hoping (and praying no doubt) that the good people of Massachusetts suddenly forget they don't do the whole "Republican" thing and come out en masse to vote for him next Tuesday. Or just the older, more racist Massachusetts crowd. That'd be fine too. Either way.

But wait, what's this you say, Scott? You're not a real Republican? Because no Republican would ever get elected from the gay mecca of Taxachusetts, especially with the Grand Old Party's insistence upon 'round the clock racism, homophobia, and lightly veiled threats of violence against the government.

"The allegation that I vote 96 percent of the time with Republicans is inaccurate, but I'm proud of the fact that I’ve stood up against out-of-control spending and taxation in Massachusetts," he said.

He also claimed that he was unfamiliar with the "Tea Party movement," when asked by a reporter. Ha ha, whatever you say, Scotty!

And when told that different people labeled him a conservative, moderate and a liberal Republican, he responded "I'm a Scott Brown Republican."

The kind who snags Cosmopolitan magazine's very important "America's Sexiest Man" centerfold almost three decades before running around trying to steal a dead man's senate seat so he can kill the one piece of legislation said dead person dedicated his entire life to achieving.

Ya know, the good kind of Republican.