Turns Out Obama's Health Care Plan Does Include A Death Panel & It's Called The Supreme Court

While black teens in hoodies were being murdered for the terrible crime of WWBIGC (Walking While Black In Gated Communities), the nine Supremely irritating muumuus on the nation's High Court were chomping at the bit for some reason, any reason, to do away with that no-good Obama and his awful, un-American desire to have a health care system that doesn't toss poor people and kids with cancer into the streets like yesterday's trash, teeming with empty prescription bottles of life-saving medicine no one (except Mitt Romney) could afford to fill anyway.

I'll give you my freedom to die, sick and uninsured, when you pry it from my cold, arthritic hands. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

So, just what are the chances the evil, Kenyan, Socialist, Communist, Grandma-murdering wayward medical experiment known as Obamacare lives to see another day?

Even slimmer than the flimsy, tissue paper-thin judicial reasoning the supremely partisan, supremely right-leaning Court members are using to terminate Obama's signature domestic achievement, and if all goes well, (fingers crossed!) many perfectly savable American lives too.

Hooray!

Looks like it's time for another controversial 5-4 Supreme Court decision, ladies and germs! Oooh, oooh, maybe they are going to rule that George W. Bush is president again!

Via First Read:

"Such an outcome, especially after other 5-4 decisions like Bush vs. Gore and Citizens United, would have two potential consequences. One, it would feed the perception that the U.S. Supreme Court is as partisan as Congress and increasing parts of the media; in other words, these nine justices (either trained at liberal law schools or members of the conservative Federalist Society) are essentially political actors wearing black robes."

Wait, I thought actors were supposed to be hot. Let's just call them marionettes, shall we?

"And two and most importantly, a 5-4 decision would satisfy no one. If the court strikes down the mandate and the health-care law by that narrow margin, liberals and Democrats would blame it on the conservative justices. If the mandate and law are upheld by a 5-4 decision, conservatives would point their fingers at the liberals and the unpredictable "mushy" swing justice, Anthony Kennedy. That's the problem with a split decision: The losers would feel like they lost on a political technicality, not because there was a legal consensus."

Consensus?? That's for people who have to put on actual clothes to go to work and still face the possibility of getting fired at some point in their lifetime.

One Obama administration lawyer, Edwin Kneedler, urged caution, saying it would be "extraordinary" for the court to throw out the entire law. About 2.5 million young people under age 26 are on their parents' insurance now because of the new law. If it were struck down entirely, "2.5 million of them would be thrown off the insurance rolls."

To which Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Roberts howled in maniacal glee, while Kennedy chuckled softly to himself, hoping to finally fit in somewhere, instead of always straddling the fence like some cheap, disease-ridden whore Scalia keeps chained beneath the dais to polish his wood (gavel, you sickos!) between sessions.

Either way, CNN's Jeffrey Toobin knows this whole Supreme Court brouhaha is every kind of transportation disaster imaginable!

"This still looks like a train wreck for the Obama Administration, and it may also be a plane wreck. This entire law is now in serious trouble. It also seems that the individual mandate is doomed...Well, it's hard to imagine how things could be going much worse for the Obama Administration."

Haha, that's easy. Two words: Romney Administration. Ugh, perish the thought.

Speaking of which, at a news conference held by health care supporters outside the court room, one cancer patient praised the law for saving her life.

"Because President Obama signed the Affordable Care Act, I get to keep my house, I won't go bankrupt, my kids are going to get to go to college, and I am going to live," Spike Dolomite Ward said to cheers.

Sorry, overruled! Their Supreme Condolences, though.

[image via Getty]

Supremely Scary: Nine Rich, Old People In Robes To Decide Fate Of Nation's Health Care

Rejoice, America! Barack Obama's signature Socialist legislation, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, which doesn't so much insure all Americans with actual health care as it does no longer allow billionaire health care executives to cackle wildly while doing the jitterbug on the sick, weakened bodies of children denied coverage, is finally heading to the Supreme Court, where nine men and women dressed in glorified Snuggies will rule on its Constitutionality, like whether your heart arrhythmia makes you 3/5ths what the white landowner with the robust, perfectly-beating heart next to you's worth.

Hooray?

But will the wonderful, infallible pro-slavery document of the late 1700s permit American citizens the right to not die, penniless and alone in the streets, even if it's not explicitly covered within its tattered, yellow pages of animal parchment?

From Reuters:

The Supreme Court agreed on Monday to decide the fate of President Barack Obama’s healthcare law, with an election-year ruling due by July on the healthcare system’s biggest overhaul in nearly 50 years.

The decision had been widely expected since late September, when the Obama administration asked the nation’s highest court to uphold the centerpiece insurance provision and 26 states separately asked that the entire law be struck down.

And then, if all goes well, drowned in a lake of brimstone and fire with the rest of the sinful acts of justice like Social Security, Civil Rights, and Voting Rights, where it belongs.

At the heart of the legal battle is whether the Congress overstepped its powers by requiring all Americans to buy health insurance by 2014 or pay a penalty, a provision known as the individual mandate.

Legal experts and policy analysts said the healthcare vote may be close on the nine-member court, with five conservatives and four liberals. It could come down to moderate conservative Justice Anthony Kennedy, who often casts the decisive vote.

The law, aiming to provide more than 30 million uninsured Americans with medical coverage, has wide ramifications for company costs and for the health sector, affecting health insurers, drugmakers, device companies and hospitals.

A decision by July would bring the healthcare issue to the heart of the presidential election campaign. Polls show Americans are deeply divided over the overhaul, Obama's signature domestic achievement.

Less divided are the fringe-right millionaire and billionaire business executives, who thanks to the biggest provisions of the law not taking effect until 2014, have a rare chance to completely erase the whole Obamacare "affordable insurance for everyone" fiasco before it actually happens.

But what about the people, you ask?

The people???

Ugh, to health with them!!

So, remember those death panels you keep hearing about?

It's called the Supreme Court.

[image via AP]

New, Anti-ObamaCare Congressman Furious His Evil, Socialist Government-Funded Health Care Won't Start Immediately

Hi kids, it's meet your crazy, newly-elected Republican congressman who's already done something absolutely batshit insane on the first freakin day, time!

Wooohooo!

His name is Andy Harris and he is an anesthesiologist and brand spankin' newly elected Republican from Maryland’s Eastern Shore (wherever the hell that is) who ran on oh, just your average repeal-socialist-health-care-reform-to-murder-grandma-and-baby-Trig platform.

BUT, at orientation Monday, this Mr. Andy "I Hate Health Care" Harris got VERY ANGRY when he learned that the big, bad gubmint will not be providing him with wonderful, free health care the instant he is sworn into office in January.

“He stood up and asked the two ladies who were answering questions why it had to take so long, what he would do without 28 days of health care,” said a congressional staffer who saw the exchange. The benefits session, held behind closed doors, drew about 250 freshman members, staffers and family members to the Capitol Visitors Center auditorium late Monday morning.

Ugh, I mean what the hell do you expect him to do without 28 days of health care? Act like one of the fifty million or so other dumb schlubs, with one terrible, debilitating pre-existing condition or another, like cancer, so no insurance company would so much as dare touch him with a ten foot pole? Oh, the humanity!

Besides, that's for gross poors and dirty illegals, not for rich, newly minted congressman who deserve their government provided health coverage hand-delivered on a silver platter by interns wearing elbow-length white velvet gloves the second they waltz into elitist Washington, DC to stop evil Obamacare dead in its tracks, and make sure that Americans like you will, too, get to revel in the privilege of not having health care.

“Harris then asked if he could purchase insurance from the government to cover the gap,” added the aide, who was struck by the similarity to Harris’s request and the public option he denounced as a gateway to socialized medicine.

Oh, hahahaha, silly freshmen Representatives! Always showing up at orientation with their entourage of staffers and family, asking annoying questions about hot pots in dorm rooms, and demanding to know why the awful government-subsidized health care plan they spent their entire campaign bashing as an evil Socialist plot to destroy America, takes so darn long to kick in, like a whole month, even!

Harris, a Maryland state senator who works at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and several hospitals on the Eastern Shore, also told the audience, “This is the only employer I’ve ever worked for where you don’t get coverage the first day you are employed,” his spokeswoman Anna Nix told POLITICO. 

Oh, poor baby! Whatever will he do without precious Commie government-provided health care for a whole month? Pray to Jesus and blame the Mexicans or Democrats, depending on which part of this great land you call home?

Or better yet, just buck up, get your man-pants on and do what the rest of the country does: close your eyes and hope for the best. It's a fun way to gamble, really! Just enjoy it, bro!

Because it won't be much longer before Obama's nightmare health reform goes into effect and the thrill of Americans wingin' it & rollin' the dice with their health (and life!), will be nothing more than a distant memory of a better,  more exciting time, free from the burdens of NObama's Nanny State.

So take it from Andy! Yes, the government is ruining our nation’s health by making it easier for citizens to get health care, and yes, it is also ruining our nation’s health by making it harder for congressional citizens to get health care.

Because clearly the only reason why anyone in their right mind would go into public service is for the perks! And to get laid.

These are obviously the kind of people we want in Congress.

People like Dr. Andy Harris who "understand that the Obama-Pelosi-Hoyer agenda threatens to pull the plug on America's long-term health."

"In Washington, I will never vote to raise taxes, I will fight to repeal health-care reform, and I will work to balance the budget," Harris said in an Oct. 30 statement.

Oh wait, what's that you say? Insanity counts as a pre-existing condition? In that case, f**k it!

I'll just focus on getting screwed, instead. Or better yet, screwing over the dumb schmucks who elected me.

FreeDUMB never felt sooooooo good!

The Doctor Is In...Sane? Denial? Hysterics?

Lunatic witch doctor Jack Cassell of Mount Dora, Florida (that's right, Dora) is so convinced it's only a matter of time before President Obama's apocalyptic health care reform will be used by our sadistic Democratic government to deny medical care to fellow, God-fearing Republicans, that he has decided to turn the tables (in his mind) and preemptively discriminate against Democrats first. Boo-ya!

"I'm not turning anybody away — that would be unethical," Dr. Jack Cassell, 56, a Mount Dora urologist and a registered Republican opposed to the health plan, told the Orlando Sentinel. "But if they read the sign and turn the other way, so be it."

The sign reads: "If you voted for Obama...seek urologic care elsewhere. Changes to your healthcare begin right now, not in four years."

Awww, snap!! Hear that, DEMONcrats? Maybe next time it stings like the dickens every time you attempt to relieve yourself, you'll think twice about voting for an illegal, half-black Kenyan Socialist who desperately wants to murder Granny and baby Trig as the new Redistributionist-in-Chief of these United States.

How you like them apples?

But just in case his "No Obama fans allowed" sign doesn't keep the riff-raff and undesirables away, Dr. Cassell has so generously provided his patients with photocopies of a health-care timeline produced by Republican leaders (so you know it's accurate) outlining "major provisions" in the health-care package. (Like how long you have to wait before Grandma is officially "shovel ready" for the home-made grave in the backyard).

The sign above the stack of copies reads: "This is what the morons in Washington have done to your health care. Take one, read it and vote out anyone who voted for it."

On the bright side, we're just happy at least one Republican knows how to actually spell the word "moron" correctly.

Outspoken Florida Democrat and Godless Obama supporter, Rep. Alan Grayson said he was "disgusted" by the "ridiculous" sign.

"Maybe he thinks the Hippocratic Oath says, 'Do no good'," Grayson said. "If this is the face of the right wing in America, it's the face of cruelty...Why don't they change the name of the Republican Party to the Sore Loser Party?"

Why would they do something crazy like that when everyone knows they're going to clean up come November when they take back health care on their way to taking back the House, the Senate, and their brains, which apparently have been hibernating ever since that awkward old man unleashed that sexy Arctic fox who doesn't speak so good but sure's got one helluva fine ass wink. Oh, you betcha!

"If I was one of his patients, I would not walk away, I'd run," said Patsy Robertson, 73, a Democrat and retired nurse. "He does not need to be taking care of people's lives if that's his mentality."

Damn right! He should be with the rest of the Grand Old Party obstructing things in Washington where he belongs!

Cassell's former medical partner, urologist Dr. James Young, a self-described liberal Democrat, said a patient's politics should be no more important to a doctor than his favorite baseball team.

"It'd be like me saying I'm not going to treat a Cubs fan," said Young, a lifelong fan of the St. Louis Cardinals. "There are a number of thoughtful doctors who feel like Jack and probably a like number who feel the exact opposite, but they're not going to put a sign on their door. As doctors, our chief concern should always be what's best for the patient."

Or your bank account. Either one, really.

"I think he's saying, 'If you voted for Obama, you made a decision and that decision has consequences,'" said retired neurologist Dr. William Crowley, who praised the doctor for provoking a discussion.

Because any urologist dumb enough to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket, err trainwreck, and also dumb enough to believe the "bill wants you to die sooner," is certainly good enough to cut the wrong tube during my operation!

Margaret Taormino, a 72-year-old retired social worker, expressed a common sentiment about Dr. Jack Cassell.

"My husband and I don't need a urologist," she said, "but if we ever do, he's our guy."

Guess some people just don't know Jack!

Teabaggers Know Obama 'Bin' Pretendin' To Be American 'Agin'!

You may think Teabaggers are nothing more than ignorant, gun-crazed Grand KKK Wizards with nothing better to do than intimidate old people at peaceful health care town hall debates, and pretend to go into cardiac arrest outside of Senate offices because they love freedom but hate black presidents who try to give them more health insurance options than starve to death or pay for their five-year-old kid's life saving kidney operation.

But did you know that they are also comic geniuses? Think about it. Without these frizzy haired, toothless lovers of herbs, spices, and liberty waving Nazi signs signs and WWJD posters, there would be no hilariously stupid homemade signs to provide hours of entertainment and hearty laughter for the rest of us unpatriotic Socialists who hate America and want nothing more than to see the Constitution burned and strung up from the nearest tree in an exciting, fun-filled public execution ceremony.

Which is why we are eternally grateful for these loyal patriots who drove their freedom trucks from all across the U.S. of A to head to the heart of darkness (aka Washington, DC) to participate in Tuesday's "Code Red Health Care Rally" to protest the $875 billion health care bill and harass the terrible DEMONcrats trying to shove health care down the throats of decent, hardworking Americans whose throats feel just fine, thank you very much.

But this time, the evil Feminazis and abortionists running the Democratic Party have decided to finally fight back against the crazy Republicans' attempts to turn every single, obscure-yet-common procedural move into proof of the coming doomsday Barackalypse.

House Speaker and chief SS officer, Nancy Pelosi had the nerve to send House Democrats a memo offering tips for how nervous Dems should handle the crowds of blood-thirsty teabaggers swarming their offices, demanding either answers or heads-on-sticks. Preferably, the latter.

"Tens of thousands of conservative and Tea Party activists will be on the Hill as part of what they are dubbing a 'Surge Against Obamacare,'" reads the memo, which also includes a checklist of provisions in the current bill to counter the "caricature of the reform bill presented by right-wing media outlets."

A checklist of facts which includes such mainstream media lies as: "Reduces the deficit; Cracks down on Medicare waste, fraud, and abuse; Provides historic tax credit for small businesses and individuals to purchase health insurance."

Haha, nice try Nancy. I mean who needs facts when you have throngs of pitchfork-wielding teabaggers carrying their own, awesome, homemade versions of the truth?

Truths like "Obama bin Lyin' Agin" because everyone knows our 44th President is really Al Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden disguised as a charming former community organizer with a sweet jumpshot and a burning desire to reform health care in a twisted, ingenious plot to curb the insurance industries fleecing of the public, and improve the health of the nation, just so he can destroy the whole, robust lot of 'em once they're no longer bed-ridden and/or rotting in debtors prison.

Of course, "Agin" isn't just the savvy teabaggers way of spelling "again," like a true American either, but likely secret code for something terrible and racist dumb people like to call colored presidents when they try to come between them and their doctor and the insurance company already lodged cozily between them.

But the big question is what the hell is a George W. Bush cartoon doing on the above teabagger's lovely sign?

Certainly, it can't be a picture of NObama, without the obligatory Hitler mustache, watermelon patches, or piles of Jewish corpses to accompany it.

C'mon people, how are we supposed to get all fired up about Barry's Bolshevik plot to murder Grandma and snack on Baby Trig if we don't even know how to properly draw an insulting cartoon version of him?

I mean, here we are, supposed to hate the man for destroying The Great America, and all I want to do is hug him, grab some beers, and maybe go for a ride on his magical Dumbo ears over to Crawford Ranch to visit his twin brother and lovely wife Laura, in retirement, after his productive, eight-year stint almost destroying civilization as we know it.

With health care.

Perhaps This Is The Incentive The Dems Needed To Pass Health Care?

Robust, picturesque vision of health and tolerance, Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, may have dropped out of college after two semesters and one summer, but this high school graduate doesn't need fancy degrees to know that "human beings will die earlier than normal" under President Obama's "freedom killing, life threatening" health care reform plan, which, much like the fat man himself, should be immediately "aborted."

Which is why Limbaugh, the Albert Einstein of wingnut radio, is taking his own dire warnings to heart (his large, overworked heart), telling a caller that if Obama's evil health care plan passes, and all his worst fears are realized (besides a black man in the White House), he will leave the country. Can we get that in writing??

CALLER: If the health care bill passes, where would you go for health care yourself?

LIMBAUGH: I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.

But before you get too excited at the prospect of America's worst human fleeing the country over its terrible slide towards socialized medicine to go terrorize the good people of Costa Rica and steal their highly-rated, GOVERNMENT funded, Socialist health care instead, remember Rush seldom says anything that is true, thus his chances of actually heading south (to live among the brown people he loves so much), are about as slim as he is fat.

Unless he was going on one of his famed drug runs to the Dominican Republic, that is.

CALLER: Yeah, you saw on the news where uh, Fidel says if you come to his country you need medical insurance now...

LIMBAUGH: Well I wouldn't go there anyway but I mean the idea that errr, umm, errr, you're gonna have to have health care, health insurance if you visit Cuber...

Ummmm, the real question is where the hell is Cuber? And do they also offer unlimited supplies of Viagra and various codones (Oxy, Hydro, etc...) on the cheap, no prescription needed?

If so, say hasta la vista to El Rushbo! Just think of all the money he'll save from not having to fly back and forth, smuggling narcotics anymore.

Probably enough for a one-way ticket somewhere far away, without the oppressive horrors of socialized medicine, where they know how to properly treat their own, a place nice and exotic like Bikini Atoll or Turkmenistan.

Maybe then, those idiots in Washington will understand that Americans don't want health care reform jammed down their throats, unless it is beer-battered and deep-fried first, and comes with a side of dipping sauce.

Peace Out, Bro!

How The Hell Did Mike Huckabee Not Win Past Iowa?

Former double bacon cheeseburger loving Arkansas governor and messenger of God Mike Huckabee knows a few things about logic and good taste. (Especially the latter, because, trust me, you don't get to be 300 lbs without it).

Which is why it comes as a total shock that he would defy both of them on his radio show, The Huckabee Report, by accusing those awful Democrats of trying to use Kennedy’s death to rally support for the President's terribly socialist health care reform package. The nerve!

"Senator Ted Kennedy’s death had barely hit the news before we started hearing calls that Congress must hurry and pass a health care reform bill and do it in his memory," he said. "That not only defies good taste, it defies logic."

Sure does Huck! We haven't even rolled his old bones into the ground yet and already the Dems are selfishly trying to use the memory of a man whose life work was dedicated to reforming health care as one more reason to actually pass health care reform.

"We certainly can and should respect his years of advocacy and work for things that he truly believed in," he added. "But easily the worst reason to do it is in the name of someone who gave us the most shining example of why this particular bill is so bad."

Wait, what the Huck did he just say?

"[I]t was President Obama himself who suggested that seniors who don't have as long to live might want to consider just taking a pain pill instead of getting an expensive operation to cure them," Huckabee said. "Yet when Sen. Kennedy was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at 77, did he give up on life and go home to take pain pills and die? Of course not. He freely did what most of us would do. He choose an expensive operation and painful follow up treatments."

You hear that people? He did exactly what "most of us" Americans who are as rich as Kennedy would do: paid for the bestest, most expensivest treatment available. That's one of the advantages of being a Kennedy, you have so much money, you don't need to "go home to take pain pills and die" like you would under NObama's plan. You get options.

Using this airtight logic, Huck has come up with a few ideas of his own for solving the whole health care crisis the Dems keep squawking about.

"A better way to honor Ted Kennedy would be if every American has access to the latest private health care as good as what senators receive.”

That's a brilliant idea and will work perfectly too, because what American isn't as rich Ted Kennedy or Mike Huckabee for that matter?

Problem solved. But for those few povs out there (unlike the rest of us Kennedys and Huckabees), there's always the old-fashioned, 1-2-3 punch to cure disease: the All-American alcohol-pills-gunshot-to-the-head combo!

All Bark, No Bite? Obama's Presence Enough To Muzzle Town Hall Crazies

Death squad commander-in-chief Barack Obama cares about health care SO much, he's even willing to take on crazed, pitchfork-wielding mobs just to prove to the American people that, contrary to what wise scholars like Sarah Palin say, universal health care does not spell an automatic death sentence for Gramps or baby Trig.

Dear leader Barry Obama was ready to brave whatever gun-toting nutjob or shrieking loon who dared disrupt his New Hampshire town hall with their "scare tactics" like threatening old, frail legislators with a beat-down and bringing loaded guns to the debate. Not to mention all that noise!

So Obama's all juiced to throw down against the town hall crazies asking them, no, begging them to come forward, lower their voice to an audible, not deafening level, and finally ask the evil O man why exactly ObamaCare has them so beside themselves.

But noooo. In the presence of the main menace himself, the loudmouth nut brigade suddenly lost its voice, meaning this town hall was utterly dull, free of violence and a terrible waste of time.

"For all the scare tactics out there, what is truly scary is if we do nothing...For all the chatter and the yelling and the shouting and the noise, what you need to know is this: if you do have health insurance, we will make sure that no insurance company or government bureaucrat gets between you and the care you need." Or systematically murders you.

Besides, as long as they have a good product and can sustain themselves, private insurers should have no problem competing with the dumpy government plan.

"They do it all the time," Obama explained. "UPS and FedEx are doing just fine...It's the Post Office that's always having problems."

You hear that people? It's all about choices! Since the government is evil and turns everything it touches into a hellish bureaucratic nightmare, feel free to pay more for the piece of mind that comes with having a respectable private company like FedEx and UPS lose your valuables.

Or your life, whatever the case may be.

Disgruntled Conservatives Turn Their Teabaggin' Wrath To ObamaCare

The Republicans are not happy with that ambitious Obama or his un-American plan to turn the nation's health care system into a government sanctioned holocaust of the old and unborn. In fact, they are steaming mad! So mad that they are willing to do anything, anything, to stop Comrade Barry's deviant quest to socialize medicine and ruin America, including saying whatever crazy sh*t they think will freak the public out most.

Let's call it the GOP strategy of desperation and lies. They use it from time to time, whenever they find themselves at the mercy of an uppity commander-in-chief with legislative majority and . They've tried everything: secret Muslim terrorist, Kenyan-born socialist, arugula-eating elitist, but nothing seems to stick on this guy! What is a GOPer to do to get America to hop off the Barry bandwagon?

It starts with conservative whispers about how Obama's health reform is the first step toward a totalitarian dystopia in which the government kills off the old and unfit. Next convince the wingnut base that brought us those delightful tea parties that this nightmare vision where doctors and government conspire to kill Grandma and Grandpa for fun will soon be reality, if psycho Barry gets his way.

The seeds will then be sown for revolts and uprisings at town hall meetings across the country, where unhinged protesters can disrupt constructive debate on health care reform by burning effigies and spewing hysterical nonsense against Emperor Obama's doomsday health care plan to murder the elderly and infirm.

I guess you just have to tip your hat to the Republicans for their brilliant strategy of shrieking like madmen whether anyone's listening or not. It's the next best thing to being right!

Blah, Blah Socialism!

Barking Blue Dogs Unleash On ObamaCare!

Down Boy, Down!

That's a nice doggy. The adorably-nicknamed Blue Dog Coalition--those not-at-all opportunistic moderate and conservative Democrats in the House--have finally stopped snarling about Obama's doomsday Health Care plan to ruin America and turn its health system into Cuba's or even worse, Canada's.

Of course much work remains, but the growling Blue Dogs have finally agreed to support ObamaCare without sacrificing anything too major, like actually helping the millions of uninsured Americans be able to pay for more than generic cough syrup and a plain wooden casket to host their sorry, indigent bodies.

Which is good news 'cause now the House should be able to pass a decent health reform bill, as long as Colorless Dog Whisperer Chairman Henry Waxman cuts its costs by $100 billion and Democrats postpone a House vote until after lawmakers return from their much-deserved August recess. Doing nothing can be so exhausting!

Even Mr. Health Care himself Barack Obama was pleased with the progress.

“I want to thank the members of both the Senate and House of Representatives for continuing their work on health reform to provide more stability and security for Americans who have insurance, and quality, affordable coverage for those who don't. I'm especially grateful that so many members, including some Blue Dogs on the Energy and Commerce Committee, are working so hard to find common ground. Those efforts are extraordinarily constructive in strengthening this legislation and bringing down its cost.”

So kudos to the Blue Dogs for their tireless efforts to accomplish something other than getting elected on the sole basis of not being a Republican.

Thanks to all their barking, we get to wait 'til September for our perfectly good health care system to go to socialized hell. But by then our tans will have faded, we'll probably be dead from swine flu, and no one will even care anymore!