Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Teabaggers Know Obama 'Bin' Pretendin' To Be American 'Agin'!

You may think Teabaggers are nothing more than ignorant, gun-crazed Grand KKK Wizards with nothing better to do than intimidate old people at peaceful health care town hall debates, and pretend to go into cardiac arrest outside of Senate offices because they love freedom but hate black presidents who try to give them more health insurance options than starve to death or pay for their five-year-old kid's life saving kidney operation.

But did you know that they are also comic geniuses? Think about it. Without these frizzy haired, toothless lovers of herbs, spices, and liberty waving Nazi signs signs and WWJD posters, there would be no hilariously stupid homemade signs to provide hours of entertainment and hearty laughter for the rest of us unpatriotic Socialists who hate America and want nothing more than to see the Constitution burned and strung up from the nearest tree in an exciting, fun-filled public execution ceremony.

Which is why we are eternally grateful for these loyal patriots who drove their freedom trucks from all across the U.S. of A to head to the heart of darkness (aka Washington, DC) to participate in Tuesday's "Code Red Health Care Rally" to protest the $875 billion health care bill and harass the terrible DEMONcrats trying to shove health care down the throats of decent, hardworking Americans whose throats feel just fine, thank you very much.

But this time, the evil Feminazis and abortionists running the Democratic Party have decided to finally fight back against the crazy Republicans' attempts to turn every single, obscure-yet-common procedural move into proof of the coming doomsday Barackalypse.

House Speaker and chief SS officer, Nancy Pelosi had the nerve to send House Democrats a memo offering tips for how nervous Dems should handle the crowds of blood-thirsty teabaggers swarming their offices, demanding either answers or heads-on-sticks. Preferably, the latter.

"Tens of thousands of conservative and Tea Party activists will be on the Hill as part of what they are dubbing a 'Surge Against Obamacare,'" reads the memo, which also includes a checklist of provisions in the current bill to counter the "caricature of the reform bill presented by right-wing media outlets."

A checklist of facts which includes such mainstream media lies as: "Reduces the deficit; Cracks down on Medicare waste, fraud, and abuse; Provides historic tax credit for small businesses and individuals to purchase health insurance."

Haha, nice try Nancy. I mean who needs facts when you have throngs of pitchfork-wielding teabaggers carrying their own, awesome, homemade versions of the truth?

Truths like "Obama bin Lyin' Agin" because everyone knows our 44th President is really Al Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden disguised as a charming former community organizer with a sweet jumpshot and a burning desire to reform health care in a twisted, ingenious plot to curb the insurance industries fleecing of the public, and improve the health of the nation, just so he can destroy the whole, robust lot of 'em once they're no longer bed-ridden and/or rotting in debtors prison.

Of course, "Agin" isn't just the savvy teabaggers way of spelling "again," like a true American either, but likely secret code for something terrible and racist dumb people like to call colored presidents when they try to come between them and their doctor and the insurance company already lodged cozily between them.

But the big question is what the hell is a George W. Bush cartoon doing on the above teabagger's lovely sign?

Certainly, it can't be a picture of NObama, without the obligatory Hitler mustache, watermelon patches, or piles of Jewish corpses to accompany it.

C'mon people, how are we supposed to get all fired up about Barry's Bolshevik plot to murder Grandma and snack on Baby Trig if we don't even know how to properly draw an insulting cartoon version of him?

I mean, here we are, supposed to hate the man for destroying The Great America, and all I want to do is hug him, grab some beers, and maybe go for a ride on his magical Dumbo ears over to Crawford Ranch to visit his twin brother and lovely wife Laura, in retirement, after his productive, eight-year stint almost destroying civilization as we know it.

With health care.

No comments: