Disgruntled Conservatives Turn Their Teabaggin' Wrath To ObamaCare

The Republicans are not happy with that ambitious Obama or his un-American plan to turn the nation's health care system into a government sanctioned holocaust of the old and unborn. In fact, they are steaming mad! So mad that they are willing to do anything, anything, to stop Comrade Barry's deviant quest to socialize medicine and ruin America, including saying whatever crazy sh*t they think will freak the public out most.

Let's call it the GOP strategy of desperation and lies. They use it from time to time, whenever they find themselves at the mercy of an uppity commander-in-chief with legislative majority and . They've tried everything: secret Muslim terrorist, Kenyan-born socialist, arugula-eating elitist, but nothing seems to stick on this guy! What is a GOPer to do to get America to hop off the Barry bandwagon?

It starts with conservative whispers about how Obama's health reform is the first step toward a totalitarian dystopia in which the government kills off the old and unfit. Next convince the wingnut base that brought us those delightful tea parties that this nightmare vision where doctors and government conspire to kill Grandma and Grandpa for fun will soon be reality, if psycho Barry gets his way.

The seeds will then be sown for revolts and uprisings at town hall meetings across the country, where unhinged protesters can disrupt constructive debate on health care reform by burning effigies and spewing hysterical nonsense against Emperor Obama's doomsday health care plan to murder the elderly and infirm.

I guess you just have to tip your hat to the Republicans for their brilliant strategy of shrieking like madmen whether anyone's listening or not. It's the next best thing to being right!

Blah, Blah Socialism!

Attack Of The 50 Ft. Woman: Ann Coulter Vs. Bill Maher In Chicago Smackdown!

Stop Pretending You're Not A Crazy B*tch!

For anyone willing to fork over between $35 and $200 to watch an anorexic blonde who's hot in a psychotic alien sort of way spar with a "liberal" comedian who hates Jesus freaks almost as much as dumb, crazy bimbos named Ann, Wednesday night's Coulter/Maher showdown at the Chicago Theater offered an hour and 45 minutes of entertaining fun.

First, it was Miss Coulter's turn. There, the long-legged spokeswoman for crazy Christians everywhere alternately amused and horrified the audience with her insanely spindly limbs and equally insane thoughts.

Like why all liberals are idiots, George W. Bush was one of the best presidents ever, and the idea that a coke-head Muslim terrorist like Barack Hussein Obama would even be mentioned in the same breath as Jesus Christ and Abraham Lincoln is more preposterous than the thought of elitist heathens like you and me paying good money to hear Stretch Armstrong's twin sister from hell rant about how America needs less laws and more guns, especially in church and school.

Next, Bill Maher strolled onstage to give his 15 minute riff on life, politics, and why a freak like Ann gets turned on every time she is booed, jeered, or heckled.

He also corrected a few of Ann's "facts" about Obama's drug use and the economy, preferring to base his opinions in reality, not right-wing nutjob land.

“To start off, George Bush did a lot more blow than Obama ever did. Please don’t ruin the only thing I like about him.”

“There is this debt because George Bush put two wars on a credit card and spent money like a pimp with a week to live.”

Then basically the two of them went back and forth with Maher saying something funny and Coulter saying something crazy on everything from Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin to the war in Iraq, gay marriage, Ronny Reagan, whether Bristol Palin is a whore, and why Ann Coulter will be saved by Jesus Christ while the rest of us piles of liberal sin go straight to hell.

After about an hour of heated exchanges and Ann awkwardly eye-f**king Bill, the two speakers realized they would never agree on anything except making money off of large groups of suckers willing to pay to see a giraffe-necked beanpole of hate say crazy things to a short, funny, pot-loving liberal pussy she's supposed to hate but whose clothes she secretly wants to rip off and ravish backstage.

She'll just shut her eyes and pretend it's Dick Cheney. Umm, hottttt!

All About The O? More Like All About The Joe!

Ding-ding-ding, we've got a winner! It took a few casualties along the way (need I even mention that god-awful town-hall debate?) but the final presidential showdown kept its promise and delivered a clear-cut victor: Joe the Plumber!!

Yes, ladies and gents, Joe the Plumber, hands down beat both McCain and Obama to emerge as the clear front-runner of this historic presidential election.

Oh sure, both candidates had their moments. McCain got to declare once and for all that he is actually not George W. Bush. And Obama got to assure the American people that, no, he does not chill with William Ayers in his living room.

We also learned that Sarah Palin's special needs child makes her more than qualified to not only be Vice-President, but President-President. Her four other regular needs children? Eh, not so much.

Let's see what else. Oh yeah, Palin's hubby Todd is one tough-ass mother f**ker and pretty hunky too, or at least that's what Johnny tells us. Obama was probably being humble and didn't mention it, but believe me, you wouldn't wanna mess with Michelle Obama either.

Instead of having all these boring, elitist "policy debates" between the two candidates, why not just cut through the BS and have them take off their shirts, compare muscles and settle this once and for all like responsible adults. We can even have Joe the Plumber judge. It’s brilliant!

Let The Games Begin!

Things are not looking so hot for John McCain. On the eve of the final presidential debate between the two candidates, smooth-talking hipster Barry Obama has opened up a whopping 14 point lead over that other candidate of change, Johnny "My Friends" McCain.

There is no doubt that for both candidates, tonight's final debate looms large. But for John McCain, who is looking to narrow the increasingly widening gap between himself and Obama, the stakes are even higher.

Which does not bode too well for old Johnny. Unfortunately for the GOP maverick, tonight's debate focus is on domestic issues, including the current economic crisis engulfing the nation. Which we all know is not exactly McCain's strong suit.

But do not despair, my friends! One thing John does know how to do is improvise.

We are confident that Johnny will find some way to talk about the issues he does know a thing or two about, like how Barack Obama hates America, loves to pal around with terrorists, and desperately wants to teach sex-education to Kindergarteners.

And if all else fails, McCain does have a few crowd-pleasing tricks up his sleeve, like his stunning power-point presentation on how to survive five years in a Vietnamese prison.

Now losing your home doesn't seem so bad after all, does it?