Mike Huckabee Suspects Journalism Is As Dead As His Career

What in the world could be in worse shape than the loose, flabby skin on the once morbidly obese body of Mike Huckabee? Why, it's the sorry state of Journalism, of course!

Former rotund Arkansas GOP Governor-turned Fox News talk show host Mike Huckabee went on the last trustworthy news network on the planet to vent about the terrible demise of the press (excluding Fox News of course), which has been reduced to "ink-stained drivel that smeared the pages of paper and the people who attempted to read it."

"I'm sad to report today a death of a good friend to all of us…..Journalism," Huckabee wrote on his political action committee's blog. "The once esteemed 4th estate of our nation and the protector of our freedoms and a watchdog of our rights has passed away after a long struggle with a crippling and debilitating disease of acute dishonesty aggravated by advanced laziness and the loss of brain function."

Wait a minute, Huck! You're not saying being a Republican is contagious, are you??

As evidence for his heart-felt eulogy of the media, Huckabee looked no further than the recent coverage of his totally appropriate and completely innocent remarks about how Sen. Ted Kennedy would have been told to "go home to take pain pills and die" if that demonchild Barack Obama had his way on health care.

"Bloggers and other supposedly professional journalists then took those already distorted interpretations, treated them as sources, and added their own spices," Huckabee said. "Newsweek even had the audacity to use quote marks around a statement never even uttered as if it were my actual words."

Which they were, had they been published by a real source like the National Review, instead of a washed-up rag of liberal propaganda like Newsweek.

"Journalism had grown increasingly dependent on spin-doctor spoon feeding and the circular and insular quoting of other journalists instead of attempting to locate and quote actual first person sources," Huck said, adding that, "No memorial is planned as the practitioners of propaganda seem to be unaware that they have passed away and continue to publish anyway."

In other words, what sweet ol' Huck doesn't understand is why no one ever wants to write about him, except maybe to make fun of him for being stupid. And fat. Aw, snap!