OMG, did you hear the news? The once-in-a-century reason to visit Arkansas (not flee in a panic) has finally arrived. And then, like a ghost in the night, it was gone. Poof!
In case you missed THE political death match for the ages--Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele squaring off against former Tennessee Rep. and current carpetbagger extraordinaire, Harold Ford, Jr., at the University of Arkansas--fear not, my friends!
All the excitement that was "Left, Right, and Forward: On the Future of America" can still be yours, thanks to the magical land of tubes known as the Internets! Yay!
"As prominent leaders representing both sides of the political spectrum, Harold Ford Jr. and Michael Steele will engage the audience in the most hot-button issues that will shape our nation's future," director of the school's Office of Campus Life Jan Austin said. "Anyone with an interest in politics and in the future of the country will want to attend."
Or any of the dozens of other speaking engagements the two have collaborated on to inform Americans (and get paid fool!) around the country over the past two years. Take your pick.
Luckily, Ford and Steele (wait, are you sure this isn't an auto industry promo?) were paid quite handsomely for their services ($20k each), which is good because poor Harold Ford was forced to take a leave of absence from Merrill-Lynch in order to campaign, relying solely on a measly teaching gig at NYU and lowly MSNBC pundit wages to "put food on the table." Oh, the hardship!
Of course, money ain't no thang when you're big pimpin' RNC Chairman Michael "Mo' Money" Steele. No one rolls phat and large like the Steele man, no one. For reals yo!
But the two, often controversial, brothas from opposing ends of the political spectrum found time for a few lighthearted moments during their more than 90 minute debate, sparring on everything from health care and taxes to abortion and assorted other fun issues of the day.
"Trust me, after taxes, a million dollars is not a lot of money," Steele said. Puh-lease!
Of course Ford pretended to disagree, lest he seem like a giant fraud or something, asking the audience, "Who in here makes a million dollars a year?"
But when no hands shot up, Steele jumped in with the save.
"How many of you want to make a million dollars a year?"
Awww, snap! Steele in da house!
The two also disagreed over the recent Citizens United Supreme Court decision, which cleared the way for corporations to spend directly in U.S. political campaigns.
While Ford panned the move as a "a win for very monied interests," Steele took his Grand Old Party's ridiculous "Free Speech" view of the decision, doing away with years of federal campaign finance law in one fell 5-4 swoop.
"If the people see an ad that's run by a corporation that they don't like, they'll let them know," Steele said.
Damn right! They'll simply write a nice letter asking them very politely to stop injecting millions of dollars (or as much as they jolly well please) into federal election campaigns.
Since the Supreme Court's decision effectively transforms a corporation into "a real live boy," complete with personality, free-speech rights and the unprecedented opportunity to drown the American body politic in a tidal wave of dirty money and suspect motives, why wouldn't these adorable, new corporate Pinocchios be responsive to the wants and needs of the common (non-wooden) man?Heavens forbid their noses grow too long! Then they might be forced to use some of their money to pick a plastic surgeon instead of a president (gasp!). Poor babies!