Everyone knows the ladies looooooove hunky host of hate radio Rush Hudson Limbaugh III. They simply go Gaga for him! And not just that weird, naked crackhead Lady with the boa and feathers wrapped around her p-p-p-p-poker face. All of 'em!
Which is why it comes as no surprise that the dapper king of loyal white supremacists, racists, dungeon and dragon masters, and 40-year-old virgins who tune in regularly to hear his shining pearls of wisdom about how black people are ruining America, (be it quarterback or commander-in-chief), is going to be one of seven distinguished judges at this year's Miss America pageant. Hooray!
And despite his poor, overworked heart coming thisclose to taking its last pill-addled, fat-clogged breath (while exerting himself on a beach in Hawaii), Rush appears to be as robust and healthy as a half-deaf, obese middle-aged white man with an insatiable appetite for cigars and cornstarch can be.
Just look at him get down and bust a move to Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" in the dance-off competition for "Judge of the Night" against fellow judge (and most likely, reverse racist) Vivica A. Fox, who couldn't keep up with Rush's fly style or hot, royally flushed face.
In fact, Limbaugh's moves were so poppin' fresh, he was a lock for the "Judge of the Night" crown, earning him a one-of-a-kind "Miss New Jersey" sash from the lovely host, Miss New Jersey 1995 Dena Blizzard. Wooohooo! He loves blizzards (not the weather sort, silly!).
His smooth moves even made it to the Internets, in the form of a Miss America Live tweet: "Rush Limbaugh has exceptionally impressive fist pumping skills."Skills he most likely didn't acquire in his two whole semesters and one summer of college, before dropping out to pursue his love of hearing himself speak. No, no, this kind of talent takes years to hone.
And he'll need every bit of it when the Las Vegas pageant airs live on Saturday night, and El Rushbo is charged with the very important task of deciding which of the 53 contestants is most deserving of the esteemed Miss America 2010 title, as the hottest, big breasted (and hearted) babe in America.
"We are thrilled to have Rush join us for our pageant this year," Miss America Organization (MAO) President and CEO, Art McMaster, said. "He will bring a thrilling new dimension to the competition and we know that the 2010 Miss America Pageant will be filled with new twists and exciting opportunities with him as one of our national judges."Yes, it shall be thrilling indeed to have one of the nation's foremost women's rights activists, who believes "feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society" and coined the term feminazi in reference to the dozens of so-called feminists, "to whom the most important thing in life is ensuring that as many abortions as possible occur."
This guy is a real Don Juan, except he hates those Spaniards almost as much the damn Mexicans!
But at least this sexy woman lover knows how to judge a hot piece of tail or two. Just like he knows there's nothing a li'l lady wants more than to be hired for her sweet behind, ample breasts, and wily female charms, as the ol' eye candy for the office job she's been dreaming of, in case Prince Charming never shows up on his white horse to whisk her away from a miserable, pathetic life of spinsterhood and suffering.
Fortunately, for these contestants, they've got the ultimate ladies' man calling the shots.
"She's actually a very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn’t have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life."
So there it is folks, the secret behind Rush's swingin' success! Simply substitute felines for females and voila! instant bangin' babe-magnet abilities at your fingertips.