Friday, April 24, 2009

Crazy President Obama Thinks College Should Be Affordable, Accessible

Y'all Watch Out Now!

The man allegedly known as President Barack Hussein Obama is on the attack again. This time, the latest victim of his terror campaign is none other than the (soaring) cost of higher education.

On Friday, President Obama did what he does best--other than read from teleprompters--by dazzling the media with policy ideas that are the complete opposite from a certain George W. Bush, in that they make sense and actually help people.

This time, that maniac Obama renewed a campaign promise to eliminate the Federal Family Education Loan program, costing taxpayers a nifty $15 million each day, so financial aid can go directly to students, instead of to banks and other weaselly "middle men" who turn oh-so-nice profits from this legal student slave-trade system.

"There are few things as fundamental to the American dream or as essential as a good education," Obama said. Yet, "we have a student loan system where we are giving lenders billions of dollars in wasteful subsidies."

Calling the system a "a paradox of American life that threatens to widen the gap between the haves and have-nots," Obama claims the change would save at least $48 billion over the next 10 years—money that could be funneled to student aid.

And why the hell would anyone want to do that?

Republicans are obviously concerned about the costs of that (and anything that doesn't involve war and torture) and lenders are naturally opposed to this (and any other) crazy new idea which threatens to end a historically lucrative business of fleecing poor, struggling students so fat cat bankers can feast on fresh lobster tails and Dom Perignon for breakfast.

If everyone can afford to go to college, who the hell is gonna catch all those delectable creatures of the sea for them?

Not like Barry cares or anything, since arugula-eating elitists don't do the whole "ocean thing."


Anonymous said...

LMAO lobster tails

ToddK_Chicago said...

Those poor banks – however will they manage? Might I suggest more bank fees for those that can least afford it so they can subsidize the wealthy people that can afford to have balances over $25,000 without getting charged for anything? Or let’s go back to the good old days when First Chicago let you pay for their teller service to the tune of $3.00 per visit. I bet the elderly that found the ATM machines vexing did not mind forking over their social security money to the cash starved banks.

Or maybe a more modern charge of $3.00 per minute for online banking. I am sure Jaime Dimon and Ken “Man I wish he would get fired” Lewis could really use that money. And Larry Summers too – poor guy is so worried about losing the millions he made in speaking fees last year – speeches that he gave to the very banks and financial institutions (cough – Goldman Sachs) he is now overseeing to help them launder bailout money through AIG to – oh let’s say, Goldman Sachs – so worried is he, that he’s falling asleep in meeting with the credit card industry about their rock bottom discounted rates of 40% APR on credit cards.