Texas Threatens To Secede; America Offers To Help Pack Bags

Okay, so Texas is all giddy-upped over the idea of succeeding from this godless wasteland, and the rest of America couldn't be more thrilled!

Sure, we'll miss the alarmingly high rates of illiteracy, poverty, violent crime, and fashion victims, not to mention, being the undisputed world leader in executions, but somehow we will find the will to carry on.

If there is one thing us Commies in Obamerica understand it's that sometimes the whole isn't greater than its parts. Such a strong, independent entity like Texas can't be expected to conform to silly things like the Constitution, Democracy, or the rule of law. That's for the other 49 pussy states to deal with.

In the meantime, Texas, godspeed! We wish you the best of luck. And don't worry about us, we'll just have to get our fix for Tex-Mex and douchebag politicians elsewhere.

New Mexico, Oklahoma, we're looking at you.