From Bailout To Ball Out, Obama Brings His A-Game To The House (Republican Caucus)

Another day, another prime-time opportunity for President Barack Obama to embarrass the entire Republican Party on live national teevee! Hooray!

Surprising? Not really. Warranted? Most definitely.

It's all part of President Obama and the the Democrats' well-meaning plan to try and portray Republicans (correctly) as deviant, power-hungry obstructionists who ruin everything and care about nothing ('cept of course money, oil, and other assorted riches of the right).

Which is why Barry decided to take a gander over to the ol' lion's den, known as the Republican House Caucus, himself to chat mano-a-mano with his bitter rivals in the Grand Old Party of NO.

Rivals like orange glow-in-the-dark House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) who Obama thanked for the invitation by quipping, "You know what they say, keep your friends close, but visit the Republican Caucus every few months."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Get it?? Cause that's like his enemy!

So, President Obama met with House Republicans at their annual group sex therapy rehab session policy retreat in Baltimore to have a nice, polite, bipartisan discussion about why the GOP has been acting like a bunch of lunatic nutjobs ever since a certain chocolate-hued menace assumed the presidency.

"Having differences of opinion, having a real debate about matters of domestic policy and national security, that's something that's not only good for our country, it's absolutely essential,” Obama said.

But acting like a bunch of unhinged douchebags every time the proposes a sound, sensible policy to help struggling Americans (even if it's in line with GOP principles), is not exactly what Obama would call good leadership or savvy politics.

"If you were to listen to this debate, and frankly how some of you went after this bill, you'd think that this thing was some Bolshevik plot--I mean, that's how you guys presented it."

"If the way these issues are being presented by the Republicans is that this is some wild-eyed plot to impose huge government in every aspect of our lives, what happens is that you guys don’t have a lot of room to negotiate with me."

"The fact of the matter is, many of you, if you voted with the administration on something, are politically vulnerable with your own base, with your own party because what you've been telling your constituents is, "This guy's doing all kinds of crazy stuff that's going to destroy America.'"

"We have seen some party-line votes that have been disappointing. I didn't understand then, and I still don't understand, why we got opposition in this caucus for almost $300 billion in badly needed tax cuts for the American people."

"A lot of you have gone to ribbon cuttings for the same projects that you voted against. I say all this not to re-litigate the past, but it's simply to state, the component parts of the recovery act are consistent with what many of you say are important things to do."

Wait, are you saying sending the president back to Kenya was part of the recovery effort??

Then came the really interesting part, in which Obama began fielding questions from caucus members, only to turn the Republicans' questions against them again and again in typical Obama smackdown fashion, accusing the GOP of obstructing legislation for political purposes and offering solutions that won't work.

"I've read your legislation. I take a look at this stuff. And the good ideas we take."

But considering you're a bunch of brainless neanderthals, there's not much to take anyway.

"I am not an ideologue. I'm not," Obama said."It doesn't make sense if somebody could tell me you could do this cheaper and get increased results, that I wouldn't say 'great.' The problem is, I couldn't find credible economists that would back up the claims that you just made."

And no, sorry, Orly Taitz does not count as a credible economist, so it'd best for everyone if she just stuck to her blossoming real estate agent-attorney-dentist-birther leader career.

"So all I'm saying is, we've gotta close the gap a little bit between the rhetoric and the reality."

Asked if he had time for more questions, Obama said he wasn't in any hurry to leave since he was having so much fun manhandling these idiots so up close and personal. Bring 'em on!

"I'm having fun," Obama said. "This is great."

God, it feels good to be right!

Less so for Rep. Jeb Hensarling (who the f??), whose rambling, nonsensical question about spending was naturally met with all the respect such an important, noble question should command.

After interrupting him right in the middle of his red-faced incoherent rant and coming thisclose to actually getting his name right, Obama proceeded to respond.

"Jim (Jim, Jeb, what's the diff?), I know there's a question in there somewhere," Obama said."Because you're making a whole bunch of assertions in there, half of which I disagree with, and I'm having to sit here listening to it. At some point I know you're gonna let me answer it."

Awww, snap! Jimbo done got played!

But, don't worry, because Republicans, like Arizona Rep. Jeff Flake, know the event helped his party by showing that Republicans have offered alternatives to Obama's plans, other than their newly unveiled strategy, "hell no" and "drop dead."

"The real effort here was to convince people out there that we have offered solutions, we've offered things," Flake said. "For him to say, 'Yes, I've read your proposal; it's a substantive proposal' — that's good. That's a huge thing for Republicans."

Think about it! For the president of the United States to actually say, Yes, I've read your legislation (if we can even call it that) and it's pretty much the total piece of sh*t everyone thought it was, is as good as it gets. Huge! Huuuuuuge, I tell ya!

What'd you think, they call him Flake for nothing?

Yes, the GOP is alive and well, my friends!

Any more questions?